Journey Into The Heart Of Remembrance 1r1x6u

Journey into the Heart of Remembrance

Krishna Guadalupe aka Rainbow Buffalo

Copyright © 2019 Krishna Guadalupe.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the

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ISBN: 978-1-9822-3848-3 (sc) ISBN: 978-1-9822-3849-0 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 11/08/2019

♥ DEDICATION ♥

To my children, Isaiah, Elijah, and Rhia, for exposing me to an amazing journey filled with love, bliss, magic, and possibilities. To my beloved Kerry for accepting me regardless of my imperfections and for teaching me to continue to love for the sake of love, no agenda. To my past for its gifts, to the present for its opportunities, and to the future for instilling hope. To people around the world who are consciously engaged in a journey into the heart of remembrance, the heart of comion and unconditional love. For your courage, perseverance, resilience, and active commitment to contributing to the establishment of a humorous and comionate planet as you live, learn, laugh, and love. Thank you for allowing your light to shine and your heart to break open!

♥

May all beings be free. May all beings become aware of infinite possibilities. May all beings be healed from pain and suffering. May all beings release the past while living in the Infinite Now. May all beings relate from a merciful and boundless heart. May all beings live in truth and with purpose. May all beings experience love, health, and wealth. May all beings live in honorable oneness. May all beings be! kg

♥

CONTENTS

Acknowledgments

Preface

1 Remembrance

2 Doubt

3 Fire In The Heart

4 Power In Vulnerability

5 Commitment

6 Synchronicity

7 Attention And Intention

8 Forgiveness And Gratitude

9 Traveling Through Familiar Territories

10 Living, Learning, Laughing And Loving

♥ ACKNOWLEDGMENTS ♥

The notion that “children are raised by communities” is symbolic to the process of giving birth to this manuscript as numerous individuals have ed its manifestation. I would like to express my gratitude to many beings of light who have taken part in the creation of this work through emotional and/or technical . My heart feels appreciation for many people, beginning with my children, Isaiah, Elijah, and Rhia, who have often reminded me through their decisions and behaviors, to remain present in the here and now, especially during times of adversity. I thank each of you for your reflection of unconditional love, acceptance, patience, and for being the transformation and wisdom I have often struggled to become. Thank you Kerry for following your truth beyond any conventional sense of reality. Your devotion to learning and growing has often inspired my spirit to dance to the melody of Love. Thanks and blessings to my mother, father, sisters, nieces, and nephews for helping me to co-create multiple experiences for growth and love. Each of you are wonderful gifts. I thank my brothers and sisters in spirit, too many to mention due to the depth of this list, for your constant , acceptance, and love. Thank you for inspiring me through your actions and presence. Thank you for those of you who provided wonderful , and/or with the editing, throughout the creation of this project. Your spirits dance throughout this manuscript. Thanks to Sacramento State University for allowing me to take a one semester Sabbatical for completing this manuscript. Thanks to the publisher Balboa Press for the technical for your technical while making this manuscript ready for publication. Thanks to the readers for participating in this Journey into the Heart of Remembrance!

May we all be intentional as we select the path which reveals our earthly purpose.

No one stays behind; there are different paths toward the same destination; the journey into the Heart of Remembrance. Love and Blessings, kg

♥ PREFACE ♥

Language, verbal and non-verbal, has its own boundaries. Yet, language is one tool we, as human beings, use to share experiences. Through language, we attempt to communicate an understanding of our sense of “reality” and distinguish that which seems “real” to us from that which we perceive as an “illusion.” Throughout my life I have witnessed various perceptions regarding the notions of “absolute reality” and interpretations of the “notion of illusions.” Some authorities promote the view that “illusions” are false impressions of an “absolute reality;” others the notion that what is often considered an “illusion” is no less real than the creation of a sense of “absolute realities.” Thus, diverse perspectives communicated and portrayed by language seem to reflect that a thin line exists between that which is considered “unquestionably real” and that which is believed to be “imaginary and/or dreamlike,” or that which is sometimes called an illusion. Some argue that diverse interpretations of an experience create the experience. This notion, called “The Law of Attraction,” promotes the idea that our experiences of reality are not necessarily discovered, but constructed through the thoughts and perceptions we formulate. Therefore “reality” is perceived as being constructed, relevant to context, and a reciprocal reflection of multiple experiences and/or perceived occurrences. Journey into the Heart of Remembrance allows for the notions of “reality” and “illusion” to merge. It does not enter a debate as to what is real and what is not, rather it proposes that our lives can, and often are, guided by life forces, such as vitality, that give birth and guidance to our human existence. Such life forces are not always quantifiable, visible, and/or measurable. Within these pages readers are exposed to the journey of a man who is traveling through ordinary and nonordinary experiences: conventional and transcendent realities of despair and hope, fear and trust, hesitation and courage, war and peace, breakdowns and transformations. This is the story of many, communicated through the narrative of one.

In my personal and professional life I have witnessed that which seems to be an illusion, an illusion within one context, can be or often feels real within another context, especially for the person involved with the specific occurrence. Thus, the author embraces the notion that we co-exist within the context of multiple realities, including the ordinary and non-ordinary, or physical and non-physical. The author must use language, limited by its own boundaries, as a powerful tool to express and share experiences. Journey into the Heart of Remembrance mirrors a person’s inner travels into what can be referred to as the “Heart of hearts,” a core union with all existence. Journey into the Heart of Remembrance was written with the understanding that many of the specific experiences reflected in the content may not be universal, at least not consciously; however, these experiences reflect many voices. Love and fear, peace and conflict, gratitude and forgiveness, adversity and resilience, hate and comion, denial and acceptance, personal and professional, oneness and sense of separation, resistance and surrender, attention and intention, being and becoming, pain and healing are among the encounters explored in Journey into the Heart of Remembrance. As the author, I trust that familiarity with such occurrences is common within the context of human experiences. As a reader, you are being asked to use your mind as the tool, through the guidance of your innate spirit, as you travel these pages. Journey into the Heart of Remembrance was written from the perspective of understanding the teachings of Stephen Levine, delightfully reflecting his words: “Like the sun is always shining, the heart is always open; the rest is just clouds.” Thus, our heart’s essence encourages us to rely on the medicine of love while navigating through challenging human encounters. I have witnessed that the heart does not need to be healed. It is the source of healing itself. Through Journey into the Heart of Remembrance, I have experienced that conditions constructed, maintained, and perpetuated through a process of human socialization or re-socialization have created an armor surrounding the heart; an armor often powerfully based on fear of the unknown, distrust, sense of separation, and ignorance, among other inherent human conditions. The ignorance sustaining such armor plays a role in suppressing innate wisdom: A trust and union with Divine Intelligence that encourages our recognition of the interdependence of all living things and reminds us to choose love over hatred, forgiveness over resentments, and comion over injuring the self and others. Embracing intentionality and conscious living is proposed as a tool for Journey

into the Heart of Remembrance as well as the baseline for dismantling any possible armor. Intentionality and conscious living assist empowerment while addressing and releasing the possible internalized oppressive forces that promote unnecessary human pain (the sense of not being good enough, distrust and/or disconnection from our life force,) and thus disconnection from the notion of another. As the reader, you are being asked to take this opportunity to journey into your own Heart of Remembrance, reconnecting with and honoring your own experiences. Rely on Spirit as the bridge between ordinary and non-ordinary realities. to be kind with the ever-changing notion of “Self” as you travel, Journey into the Heart of Remembrance. Love and Blessings! kg

May I speak truth. May I listen with an open heart. May I see beauty. May I be patient. May I be grateful. May I be forgiving. May I be attentive. May I follow Spirit’s guidance. May I be loving. May I be “I AM Presence.” kg

Gratitude as a practice, bringing us closer to the core of our wholeness. Practice does not make perfection, it simply stimulates remembrance. Love and Blessings, kg

CHAPTER 1

♥ Remembrance ♥

The Gift for Which We Accepted Birth

I t was late at night and the light of the moon and stars illuminated the branches of the oak tree. As I sat quietly on the ground with my back resting on its trunk I had a feeling that the Voice would return. It was only a matter of time. I needed to be patient, which was not always easy. As I closed my eyes, suddenly, I felt its presence. “Hello, Being. Here we meet again,” I thought quietly as I took a deep breath. For a moment I remained in stillness as I felt overwhelmed by the presence of this force, a force I could hear and yet thus far had not seen. This was our third encounter and the Voice felt remarkably familiar. “Dearest one, thank you for receiving me, for allowing your heart to be receptive to the Great Mystery,” the Voice spoke with a tender tone. “I ire your courage and willingness to unfold into Divine Wisdom. Be still,” the Voice continued, “Within the form they call you Krishna . Beyond the form you are energy vibrating to the beat of Divine Grace, the magic of all creation that is not confined to human condition,” the Voice paused. I remained sitting as thoughts began to flow through my mind. “Your constant struggle with the mind is not a requirement for you to experience freedom,” the Voice paused for a moment. “The mind is limited to its worldly experiences and the conditions it has internalized; understanding of true absolute essence is not part of the mind’s function, or should I say, its nature.” I remained silent as I took another deep breath and the Voice continued. “Trust your celestial heart, the space where Spirit dwells, the space where truth is revealed, the space where understanding is not a requirement to experience liberation, the space with no beginning or end.”

A part of me was resistant to the message being delivered and yet while sensing resistance, the presence of this Voice felt like it was guiding into a space of infinite possibilities. I focused on my breath, inhaling and exhaling slowly and consciously. “Breathe into What Is without attachment,” the Voice continued. “Remembrance is, and will always be, the path to your true nature.” I sensed fear traveling through my body and before I could speak, the Voice stated, “Be courageous; be in the presence of your innate strength despite fear.” As I heard the wind striking against the branches of the oak tree, I took another deep breath. I was attempting to relax my muscles and as I focused on the breath I noticed that the resistance had declined but my mind was still preoccupied with questions. “Listen,” the Voice stressed. “Listen to the silence.” To my surprise everything began changing before my eyes. I was no longer behind my house by the oak tree. The scenery had transformed. I found myself in a field. I observed the element of Fire forming a human image within flames. This image emerged in what appeared to be a ceremonial dance with another image formed by the element of Water. While honoring each other neither image appeared to overpower the other. They danced harmoniously. Unexpectedly, I blinked, and upon opening my eyes the scenery again changed. I witnessed the element of Air humbly elevating the element of Earth. We all seemed to travel through time, in and out of what appeared to be holes. “Is this what people have referred to as black holes?” I asked quietly. “Can you feel it?” the Voice asked. “What you call time is an illusion that exists only within the context of form. All there is, is an infinite expression of Now. You simply experienced a taste of the multidimensional One.” Although I felt as if I had been traveling through time, I opened my eyes while listening to the Voice, I found myself still in the same place, with my back against the oak tree. “What is that something within me that has the capacity to experience multiple dimensions of reality?” I asked.

“It is not some-thing. It is You, beyond conditions,” the Voice replied. “You do not have to try so hard, Krishna . By simply changing the approach you can experience the magic. , you are not separated from the Source,” the Voice added. “Please, explain,” I requested. “While in the Form, consciously experiencing the multi-dimensionality of Divine Source, Creation and Creator, your fundamental True Essence often requires a Journey into the Heart of Remembrance. This journey cannot be adequately facilitated by a mind that is constantly reacting to, or in denial of, the existence of non-ordinary experiences. Thus, relying on guidance of Spirit is essential. As Spirit guides the journey, the Mind’s conditions will be alleviated, presenting Mind with an opportunity to harmonize with your True Essence,” the Voice paused before continuing. “Krishna, duality is ‘real’ within the realm of conventional reality or what you have called a third dimension of existence, which is the experience of Body, or should we say physical realm. Illusion is experienced by Mind, so often limited by its own conditions. As you continue to journey into the Heart of Remembrance while in the Form, within the context of the Infinite Now, the notion of duality will be overpowered by the experience of a continuum; that is, the revealing of the experience of Oneness. , the parts contain the whole and the whole contains the parts. While in the Form, it is all about the journey, a journey with no end and no beginning; it is simply a continuum of vibrations, the quantum waves, waves of possibilities,” the Voice paused.” For a moment I felt dissimilar yet seemingly interrelated sensations were traveling through my body. Not only was I observing the notion of reality, I was also participating in its creation. I was a container as well as the substance being contained. I was the recipient of this experience as well as its benefactor. It felt like I was being initiated through the experience of vibrating synchronicity. Suddenly, I heard the Voice again. “You have heard the statement, ‘frequency attracts frequency.’ All that breathes is magnetically drawn toward unification with the source of its creation. The ultimate nature of so-called ‘human beings’ is uniformity.” “Your words as well as my glimpses of understanding are comforting. Yet, I

don’t feel I have the basic tools to incorporate this experience into my ongoing reality,” I commented. “Simply rely on your intuition. This is the vehicle used by Spirit, Divine Life Force, to bridge the illusory space between what you call the Body, or the physical, to the Mind, or the mental. This is a non-ordinary space encoming endless waves of possibilities beyond logic and reasoning. Relying on the wisdom of Spirit, through the vehicle of intuition, is indispensable to experience the remembrance of your fundamental True Essence.” As the Voice continued, I noticed my mind getting restless, and my struggle with resistance began again. I encountered an inner war; one moment I was feeling receptive and another moment feeling irritated. I am an intellectual; a university professor committed to logic, and yet reasoning as well as intuition to which I am accustomed to incorporating in thoughts, suddenly seemed a foreign experience to me. “I can sense that your mind continues to need evidence and feels troubled,” the Voice observed. “I would like to invite you to take a moment and briefly reflect through the lens of earthly teachers; Albert Einstein, as you know this entity stressed that one ‘…cannot solve a problem with the same consciousness that created it.’ This ongoing attempt is what has produced human madness, or what another teacher of yours, Rita Brown, has referred to as insanity or ‘…doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.’ Allow endless awareness to flow through You, for You, and as You. From this infinite space, Remembrance is nurtured.” I took a deep breath again and I amplified the message beyond the words being spoken. The wind blew gently, caressing my face. I sat on the ground with my eyes closed and my back against the oak tree. “My mind has many questions. It often feels restless,” I verbalized as I opened my eyes. “Questioning is not an issue to be concerned with,” the Voice replied. “Mind cannot help but enter into a state of awe and wonder when considering the immensity of eternity, the spaceless realm of reality. A sense of mental or emotional conflict, reflecting Mind’s struggle to regain control, is likely to emerge through the realm of physical existence. Again questioning or curiosity

promoted by the human mind is not the issue. The challenge is created by Mind’s condition of attachment to an identity and the tendency to become imprisoned by its need for logic, reasoning, and answers not fully comprehensible by Mind’s structure. This conflict has been reflected in the way human beings often interact.” “What do you mean?” I asked. “Simply imagine how different human experiences would be if interactions with the notion of another were based on the remembrance that human identities are fabricated by Mind’s conditions and boundaries which attempt to confine the infinite experience of Being. Imagine if the human experience is encountered from a space of allowing the notion of Being becoming what is already so: You, as an expression of Divine Source simply playing the game of forgetting and ing.” “Can you elaborate?” I asked. “Again, it is simple. Yet, to the human mind, it seems complex. What you call ‘human beings’ are simple manifestations of the cosmos, a universal life force revealing the Oneness of what appears to be ‘multiple realms of existence.’ Yet, forgetfulness has promoted many ‘human beings’ to experience themselves as separate from one another,” the Voice paused before continuing. “The illusion of separation has mentally and emotionally imprisoned many within boundaries mirroring an appetite for individualism and justification of social group stratification: What you have called ‘the haves,’ ‘the have little,’ and ‘the have nots.’ The notion of separation has given birth to the notion of individual selves disconnected from the original Source, making it easier to promote ‘oppressive forces’ such as racism, sexism, heterosexism, classism, selfhate, to mention a few,” again the Voice paused for a moment. “It is important to say that even the mind, or mental mechanism, used to process experiences at the physical realm is not the issue. The mind has simply learned to practice what it has been exposed to: Attachment and the need for control. It is often craving acquisitions that promote the notion of importance in addition to competition as a method of survival.” “Now, you’ve got me confused,” I stated. “If questioning and the mind are not the issue, then what is?”

“Perhaps, there is no issue at all,” the Voice responded. “Have you ever considered that it could be part of an agreement that Spirit made with Mind in order to experience sensations d with Form? You see, no experience occurs by coincidence. Human experiences are often based on agreements occurring before the creation of Form. The trick is to witness and then move beyond the conditions created within the physical realm. The mind has its place, as does the human body. Through the body you experience Form; through Form, you experience the mind that is structured by emotions and mental perspectives; ultimately through Spirit, you experience the vastness of your life essence.” “Other than through experience and conditions, how do we reconnect to the Source?” I asked. “It is simple. Step out of the way.” the Voice quickly responded with laughter. I felt frustration running through my body as I listened to the laughter coming from the Voice. Nothing seemed to have been simple in my life. For a moment I focused on my breath as I stretched my legs. “Hmm, I assume that I am filled with the will, but not with the skills necessary to unfold into my divine destiny,” I responded sarcastically. “That is a good start, Krishna,” the Voice stated, ignoring my sarcasm. “Destiny, as you have called it, is both created and unfolds within the Infinite Now. One’s frequency, or degree of receptivity to transcendent consciousness, determines one’s experience of the notion of destiny. While in Form, frequency stimulates harmony rather than the notion of chronic chaos which is influenced by choice. I am not speaking of just any type of choice, but choice that is encouraged by a commitment to let go of experiences that confine you to a restricted sense of reality. For instance, even though you experience emotions such as anger and sadness, you are not your emotions. Emotions are felt by the body and stimulated by mental processes. You have a body; the body is not your life Force. The body is a vehicle through which you can experience your life force. The willingness to break through deep-seated human conditions can encourage a baseline for experiencing that which exists beyond the conditions. As you have experienced, the guidance of Spirit is always available.” As I listened to the Voice, I witnessed how my life had become extremely conventional. My comfort zone was being challenged by the teachings. Yet,

while my mind often felt puzzled, my heart habitually felt like dancing. As I sat up from the ground, the Voice began to speak again. “Beloved, it is time to let go of fear. Fear prevents your innate ability to see beyond the visible, measurable, and conventional reality. Fear has stimulated forgetfulness and cultivated seeds of mental and physical torture, ed on through generations.” “What are you saying?” I asked. “Simply that you have an opportunity to break the chain, to stop the vicious cycle; cut the umbilical cord that is no longer promoting life,” The Voice spoke powerfully and firmly. “I already feel separate. Is that what you mean by cutting the umbilical cord?” “Cutting the umbilical cord does not mean that you are separate. It simply reflects a space of expansion from Form into a non-ordinary sense of reality where one connects with the Whole beyond human conditions,” the Voice responded. For a moment, there was silence. I, briefly and abruptly, flashed back into my past. I could see how my current life experiences are results of beliefs, perspectives, and actions habitually based on fear. I could see how I had perpetuated a vicious cycle of thoughts, beliefs, and behavioral patterns inherited through a sense of a past filled with substantial emotional insecurity. No wonder trusting and fully speaking the truth had not been an easy task! Taking risks that were not considered rational or logical had been avoided. Part of me recognized the link between those previous experiences and the current feeling of “notenoughness,” regardless of worldly achievements. I felt imprisoned in my sense of my body, and the mind was an unkind judge. “Cutting the umbilical cord feels like a task filled with challenges,” I replied. “I it that much awareness has been gained. In addition, glimpses of freedom beyond Form have been encountered and considered through our interactions. Yet, I do not seem to be fully capable of liberating myself from such conditions. I continue to be haunted by a sense of separation, fears, guilt, shame, blame, and resentments. A sense of not being good enough often emerges uninvited. I still hide from fully experiencing relationships, preoccupied by questions such as: ‘If you only knew who I have been, would you really like me?’ ‘If I revealed to you

who I have become, would you care to help me?’ ‘How can I transcend my pain and experience healing?’ ‘How may I let go of fear and experience love?’ ‘How may I stop the volcanic eruptions often overflowing with toxic poison through the rage and resentments that continue to influence my interactions with my notion of self and others?’” “Questioning often assists with the quantum leap,” the Voice replied. “Questioning can stimulate navigation into Infinite Wisdom. Yet, it is important to be clear about who is the one asking these questions. Is it the conditioned mind attempting to trick and manipulate an answer? Or is it Spirit, revealing an opportunity for embracing possibilities?” “How do I know the difference?” I asked “The mind looks for logical and measurable responses, a ‘To Do List,’ while Spirit guides you to the core of true inner being, where these questions dissipate as answers are exposed. Your teacher, Einstein, described this beautifully when he stated, ‘Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.’” “Please explain.” “Within the form the mind is conditioned to attempt to ‘figure things out.’ Mind exists through Form, and form is influenced through Mind. Thus, the mind is a wonderful tool. Yet, it often attempts to act as a master. The mind lives within its own conscious and unconscious boundaries, attaching itself to identities often confined to Form: I am a doctor, I am a father, I am a lover, and I am healer. Spirit has no need to play the game of identity. It is not afraid of dying since it is the source of life itself.” “Can you elaborate?” I asked, looking up into the stars. “As you have experienced, the mind is in constant movement. Yet, it is not necessarily the practice of doing that will provide lasting results, although doing has its place. Similarly, it is not automatically the practice of asking that will promote needed responses. The practice of being present, honoring and addressing your experience from a space of Infinite Now, is the baseline for all creation. Relying on Spirit requires practice due to human conditions that promote dependency on outer stimulation to guide decisions.” the Voice expressed.

“What do you mean by practice?” I asked. “Practice reflects a constant commitment to be present and receptive to guidance. It is directed by moment-to-moment attention and deliberate actions guided by clear intention. The notion of conscious rituals, actions regularly and intentionally followed, can strengthen practice within the context of one’s sense of reality. To establish a practice, ritually set a time in the early morning, during the day, and/or during the evening to contemplate your intention. Sit quietly. Ask Spirit to connect you with Divine Force while helping you to release any energy cords that no longer serve your ability to be in harmony with Divine Grace.” Before the Voice could continue, I asked, “What are energy cords?” “They are threads or lines of energy that, while in the physical form, consciously or unconsciously, link people with experiences and/or each other. Energy cords or receive energy and have multiple purposes. While some energy cords promote inspiration and empowerment, as in the case of a teacher who assists you to trust your ability to manifest goodness, others can be draining, leaving you in a constant space of helplessness and disillusion, like in the case of a relationship in which you are constantly feeling judged. Energy that is empowering and not addictive often encourages access to Spirit. Yet, energy that is draining and toxic often stimulates depletion.” “I think I get it,” I responded. “Sometimes, I like to spend time with specific people that I feel inspired by. Other times, I try to avoid people who push my buttons.” “This reflects some understanding,” the Voice stressed. “Yet, that if there are no buttons, there would be nothing to push. Ultimately, the goal is to experience harmony with Spirit regardless of perceived external adversities or disturbances. This is when a ritual daily practice can assist the process of living in remembrance.” Instantly, there was silence. I sat on the ground again with my back touching the oak tree and my eyes closed. I felt receptive to the message communicated by the Voice. I used my breath as a tool to remain present and not be trapped by the prison of Mind, which often reproduces thoughts of chaos, fear, distrust, and sense of separation. “While acknowledging these occurrences, simply bring your attention back to

Breath,” the Voice stressed. “Listen carefully, dismissing doubt, and you will notice the innocence of the cosmos revealing true ecstasy.” There was silence again. Unexpectedly, I began to hear the sound of drums and voices chanting from a distance, using a distinctive language. I was surprised that I could understand this language; yet, I do not ever hearing it before. The chant sounded like this, “Bo Cuyo, Nanichi Roco, Naniki Daca,” translated as, “Great Light, My Heart Re, Spirit I Am.” Drawn to the source I walked toward the gathered group. I was astonished to find that I was the one leading the chant. Abruptly, an image of me was multiplied; everywhere I looked, I was looking at myself. “How could I be in multiple places at once?” I thought. “Your notion of an ‘other’ is simply the countless reflections of Divine Expression,” the Voice stressed. My eyes opened, my surroundings reappeared. I sat quietly, looking at the stars. I felt harmonized with all that surrounded me. “Through a daily practice, taking time to breathe consciously as you allow the moment to unfold, you can strengthen your ability to live in constant remembrance that your task, while in Form, is not necessarily to seek happiness, but rather to be present in total awareness. Acknowledge and address whatever the present moment encomes. Do not go into denial or work against it. Do not let fear of the unknown dictate the magic that already exists within the Heart of Remembrance. Learn to respond and not to react to experiences while in Form. Breathe, breathe, and breathe intentionally. Do this daily and you will witness that your connection with Spirit will strengthen and your intuition will flourish,” the Voice encouraged. “I have often wondered what my purpose in this life is,” I said, standing up and taking a deep breath. “Time and again, I find myself in darkness, confused, and acting out of fear,” I added “It is up to you to discover, create, and/or modify your intention,” the Voice replied. “Divine guidance is always available and receptive,” the Voice added. “Was I born with a purpose?” I asked “Perhaps you mean to ask were you born at all?” The Voice replied. This response took me by surprise. I looked briefly at my body before

answering, “Well, I have a body and was told that I grew for nine months in my mother’s belly and then…” “And then you were born and the story began… hurray,” I was interrupted by the Voice before completing my sentence. “Within the space of your current sense of reality, it may be challenging to envision that your true Self, or life essence, can never die since it was never born,” the Voice continued. “What the conditional mind considers ‘human beings’ are cosmic travelers, energy navigating through forms. Energy cannot be destroyed; it can only be transformed. So, returning to your original question, yes, you do have a purpose,” the Voice paused for a moment. Before I was able to speak, the Voice continued. “Your ultimate purpose is to reclaim oneness through the remembrance of your true nature, Spirit, while you navigate through the realm of Form. As you travel through perceived human encounters, view the reflections of what appear to be different forms of energies as unique expressions of Divine Light, and be reminded of the connection with all living things.” the Voice stated. “ you are experiencing human encounters through a vehicle, the body, and an instrument, the mind. Yet, the body and mind do not nearly reflect your total comprehensive nature. Spirit has no boundaries.” “If I am Spirit or an expression of Divine Light why do I so often experience darkness, confusion, and fear?” I asked, at the moon. “Have you ever considered that what you call ‘darkness’ is neither good nor bad or even the opposite of light? Have you ever considered that experiences may coexist within a continuum, not necessarily as duality, but rather multiple reflections of the same source?” I took a deep breath, and before I could say anything, the Voice continued. “Your notion of darkness serves its purpose. In your realm of reality a child is in darkness while being nurtured in a mother’s womb. In order to develop film it must stay in darkness until exposed to a proper source of light before the image emerges completely. What you call darkness is simply a space where you can practice the art of being patient and trust Divine Will,” the Voice stated.

“Confusion and fear are among the means used by the conditional mind, or ego, to divert your intention and attention, to distract you from remembrance. The power of confusion can be diminished through awareness of its presence, or should I say through the power of vulnerability, by simply entering such space without attachment. There is no need to struggle against sensations such as confusion or fear, simply recognize and acknowledge them and remain neutral,” the Voice paused. As the Voice spoke, I reflected on a recent encounter. A family member had been found dead. The day after, I awoke with an aching heart. As I woke up, I felt the calling of my heart, it was asking me to remain present, to acknowledge, honor and learn from the gift of loss. “Come visit me again,” my heart called. “Practice comion toward your own heart,” it suggested. I listened and felt tears caressing my face, as the heart opened wider. “Remembrance… what do you mean?” I asked. “Remembrance is the boundless act of recalling your true life essence, a vibrational frequency revealing unconditional pure nature beyond the notions of space and time,” the Voice responded. “I have been hearing a lot about ascension, ascending to a better place,” I remarked. “Is this the same as remembrance?” “Ascension does not have a particular destination. To ascend is to raise your consciousness or embrace a different frequency of being. From moment to moment be receptive to the gift that each experience brings. The miracle of ascension is in the journey, inhaling remembrance of our connectedness with Divine Mystery and exhaling patterns of forgetfulness all within the Infinite Now,” the Voice explained. “So how do I experience remembrance?” I asked. “Remembrance within the context of the physical realm, the mind and the body, encourages the practice of neutrality,” the Voice continued. “Neutrality is not about detachment from or attachment to an experience. It is simply an endless impartiality, having no end because it has no beginning. Attachment and/or detachment, or the cognitive-emotional-mental bond to, or attempts to separate from, habits and obsessions can lead to the formation and perpetuation of a vicious cycle of addictive tendencies. Remembrance through the practice of

neutrality, however, leads to intimacy, a dance of boundless possibilities.” The Voice finished. “Can you please elaborate?” I asked. “This all seems abstract and elusive,” I added. “On the contrary, it is actually quite simple and tangible,” the Voice replied. “Energy can change form, reflecting the space of freedom to being and becoming. Chemical energy, in which chemical substances affect and or influence change, frequently is transformed into kinetic energy, which is energy in motion. This is reflected in the notion of human beings being born. As cosmic travelers, or energy navigating through Form, it is not uncommon while existing within the space of your Divine Light, to experience demands that cloud the remembrance of your original nature. Your life force transcends human conditions and is always accessible. It is a matter of setting your attention and following it with conscious intention.” “Previously, you mentioned ego-mind. I feel that my mind or ego, whatever you may call it, has been conditioned to be in constant interference with any Divine Purpose,” I said. “The interference is related to the experience of the mind. When the mind is integrated within the physical realm as a tool to assist energy when navigating through Form, it can neutrally experience impartiality. That is, it recognizes that the experience is not personal, and in doing so it can encounter the experience without becoming its conditions. On the contrary, when the mind attempts to act as a master it interferes with the flow of Spirit due to its attachments to specific inelasticity or thought processes. The mind also attempts to become a substitute for the infinite I Am. Now you may ask, can an experience based on boundaries be able to embrace the absolute? No wonder Mind, as a contrived master, is in constant confusion and jumps from one identity to another,” the Voice explained. I resonated with the message. I could times when my mind had been a tool of great assistance as well as when it attempted to act as a master, generating unnecessary pain. “The journey is in what you refer to as Present, a boundless and infinite space where all exists in the here and now and in perfect balance,” the Voice stated. “The here and now becomes what you make of it. It is not about controlling

circumstances, but rather honoring them by actively letting go and letting be, from a space of neutrality,” the Voice stopped for a moment. “Present is where vast possibilities are found, where all intercepts, where answers are revealed,” the Voice continued. “There is no place to go or time to follow; the place, or should we say infinite space, is here and the time is now. Breathe into this infinite space as you remain true to your heart and cherish the flame of divine light that illuminates the never-ending now,” the Voice stopped. Suddenly, I heard footsteps. “Krishna, what are you doing here alone?” my friend Angel asked as he approached me. “Your kids and everyone else are looking for you. Come on, it is your birthday, let’s go inside and celebrate.” I waited for a moment before responding. It was my forty-ninth birthday and I felt fatigued, my body seemed to mirror an older age. As I looked at Angel many thoughts came and went, like multiple drops of rain endlessly falling onto a surface. I felt lost again. I wondered if the Voice would continue, or having been interrupted, would put our conversation on hold. “I am not alone,” I said to Angel as I moved toward him. “The Voice is back. The messages are clearer than ever before. I can no longer continue to ignore them, although I am afraid.” Angel looked at me, a smile on his face, reflecting innocence with much wisdom. “There is fear in my body and confusion in my mind,” I continued. “I can see how attached I have become to a perceived past, to images created in the mind, to not feeling good enough. I have become attached to a false sense of control and self-defeating thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors, attachment to fear with resistance to experiencing non-attachment and unconditional love.” Angel moved closer to where I was. “Sit,” he said.

Then he sat down next to me and he smiled again. “Dear friend, my brother, fear not. As you said, you are not alone. The Voice is your reminder, yet the Voice is you in pure nature,” Angel continued to speak with a sense of authority and wisdom that I had not previously witnessed. “We are surrounded by spirits and the source of creation, yet we are Spirit itself. You are…” Before Angel could continue, a ghostly white-breasted owl landed on a branch of the oak tree. The owl looked familiar. Its silent stillness reflected my feeling of awakening, accompanied by deep tranquility. “It is you, hello old friend,” I greeted the owl with fond recognition. For several weeks I had visited this same oak tree deep in the wild field behind our family’s house where I had seen this same owl flying many times though I had yet to see it land on a branch. Angel and I looked at each other, amazed by the presence and fearlessness and presence of this creature. “Reminders are everywhere.” Angel gestured, opening his arms widely. Once more, taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes. “What do you mean?” I asked. Opening his eyes he said, “Just look,” pointing at the owl. Do you think this is a simple coincidence?” Angel continued. “This owl reflects calmness and a flow of courageous energy, reminding us that we can do the same. Although owls can see during the daylight, their vision is more acute at night; thus, they often travel through darkness.” “What are you trying to say?” I asked. “An owl’s ability to travel through darkness is symbolic of our capacity to transcend our shadows that are often sustained through fears and attachment to a perceived past no longer serving the infinite experience of now. As you well know, owls represent keepers of sacred wisdom and a restoration of balance between darkness and light,” Angel reminded me.

“Do you really feel that this owl is carrying a message?” I asked. “Everything we experience mirrors something in our lives that is then reflected outwardly,” Angel replied, as he looked deeply into my eyes. “Such reflection can encourage us to go deeper into our transformation, to show us how far we have come, or simply for us to hold the space for what we often perceive as others,” Angel paused for a moment. “Owls are birds of the night, and the night is symbolic of the darkness within our human selves. Owls have impressive hearing in addition to great vision. The appearance of this sacred entity reveals a need to listen to the message of your heart, to rely on your intuition as a vehicle to transport you into new realms. It is a call to pay close attention to the messages being given. Are you ready?” Angel moved closer to me and put his right hand on my chest. My heart began beating fast. I felt a sense of energy penetrating my body as tears caressed my cheeks. “Close your eyes,” he instructed. “Breathe. Embrace this moment. It is filled with possibilities. The time has come for your return to source; home to the Divine, to Spirit, to the Transcendent, behind the limitations of Mind. This physical Form, which often seems so absolute, is only a manifestation of thoughts and agreements, human contracts used to expose us to multiple worldly experiences. It is energy manifested in multiple ways. It is a moment in endless time. Breathe into the Transcendent, that which experiences no limitations or attachments. Rely on Spirit, the source of inner guidance and intuition, that which knows all and beyond.” I heard Angel taking a deep breath. As I opened my eyes, I saw him looking at the owl flying away. “My dear friend, the opportunity to be present within the power of Now has always been available,” Angel said. “You have done well getting here, traveling through moments of remembrance and moments of forgetfulness. Your life is full of possibilities. Setting your attention on messages presented and your intention to honor and embrace such wisdom with courage, commitment, and comion will be essential. The choice is yours.” Angel engulfed me in a bear hug.

We sat together under the oak tree, embracing the full moon. For a moment, time felt as if it had stopped. There was only Angel and I sharing our experience while we laughed and cried. This was a moment of remembrance!

The magic of Love is found in the innocence of the Heart. The strength of Spirit is reflected in the power of vulnerability. The kindness of the Soul is revealed in the wisdom of uncertainty. It is simply a matter of allowing the notion of self to Be! And so it is, kg

CHAPTER 2

♥ Doubt ♥

A Weapon of the Mind

A week had ed since my birthday. My spirit continued to feel uplifted though my mind seemed to have descended into its regular routine, and yet, the routine felt a bit different. This afternoon was quiet with very little movement in the house. The children were in school. Isaiah, my older son was going to pick up Rhia, my daughter, and my younger son, Elijah, after school. I had time to sit outside in the backyard to grade those papers I had promised students I would be returning within a week. As I sat to grade the papers, a thought was presented, seemingly uninvited, “Why so much doubt?” As a university professor I had observed that often times that seemed to be a simple task, students tended to make harder. Were they mirroring the struggles often encountered by my own mind? If so, how could this revelation assist me to be more aware and comionate while holding space during their processes? I was now in the role of student: An educator as ongoing learner. The Voice was a Teacher and the struggling Mind was a Student needing more clarification regarding the messages presented by the Voice. Although the task had been explained to me as simple, the mind was not satisfied. There was a need to seek more evidence rather than allowing the teaching to take its course and the learning to gradually unfold. My notion of self was in an unfamiliar space, a space of doubt where the intellectual mind was not running the show, but rather was the one being taught a lesson. “I can’t do this,” another thought arrived without a conscious invitation. “You are doing it well,” the Voice appeared and responded unexpectedly.

Although surprised to hear the Voice, my spirit felt uplifted. “I am trying. It has been challenging to reach agreements between my Mind and Spirit.” “You are doing perfectly. It is all within divine balance,” the Voice confirmed. “It definitely does not feel that way. I am more often than not feeling that my whole world is coming apart. My thoughts frequently reflect an internal war. I want peace of mind.” “Peace is not the absence of war, like courage is not the absence of fear,” the Voice responded. “Being wholeheartedly in the present moment, honoring what is, opens the doors for the possibility of harmony, providing an opportunity for peace and resolution with what is, or seems to be. , that which you resist, persists; or should we say, that which is addressed with awareness and love can be dismantled and let go effortlessly.” “I long for freedom and nothing else,” I responded “Who is the ‘I’ speaking? Let the notion of self be receptive to the magic revealed by the Wisdom of Uncertainty. As you journey into the Heart of Remembrance you will notice that you are already free,” the Voice paused for a brief moment. “Through human conditions, a doubtful mind has been constructed, confusing experiences encountered within Form as the origin of fundamental essence. While in Form, physical or emotional pain cannot be avoided. However, Spirit cannot be broken nor does it need repairing. As your natural source of energy, Spirit is always available but not always accessible due to the attributed power given the human condition. Would you agree that it is challenging to openly and truthfully experience freedom when attachment to freedom has imprisoned the heart?” “Can freedom be experienced in the midst of confusion?” I asked. “Confusion is not the issue; it is only a manifestation of an outcome cultivated by doubt. Confusion should not be the subject raised by your question; the area in need of exploration is the attachment to confusion which strengthens doubt and causes unnecessary suffering.” As the Voice paused, I took a deep breath. “If

the mind is hungry, feed it thoughts of kindness and acceptance. Gradually, it will stop screaming and harmony will be established.” I took another deep breath as I carefully contemplated the Voice’s message. For a moment my intellect went silent, without need to react. In that moment something was revealed; I was able to see that my life has been greatly impacted by a need for immediate gratification, a tendency to want answers and/or rewards right away. My mind has been conditioned to resist entering into a space of solidarity with non-measurable or quantifiable experiences. I have allowed this pattern to dominate my human existence for too long. The Voice had previously suggested quiet time, action through stillness. This seemed to be the perfect time to go into silence. “Self-discipline, groundedness, diligence, and patience can be of assistance during this time,” the Voice suggested as I continued contemplation. “Reconnect with your childlike innocence and playfulness; humor will also ease the process. Be present with what currently demands your attention, but always that you are that which you seek: A radiant light. Doubt is a weapon of the mind, capable of keeping you in a state of chaos.” “I have to sleep on this.” I said, as I stood from my chair and walked into the house. I lay on my bed and began to breathe, consciously. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to enter the dream world.

I walked toward a room I could see in the distance. A radiant light illuminated the entrance. As I moved closer to the door, I felt an overwhelming vibration of love and unconditional acceptance. Tears of joy streamed down my face. It was as if I was coming home after a long trip to unfamiliar territories. At the door stood a woman with deep brown eyes and long saintly white hair. Her skin reflected maturity and wisdom. Her energy was angelic. It was as if she had been patiently awaiting my arrival. She smiled as she covered my naked body with a white quilt. I felt warmth and tenderness. She led me into a chair located in the center of a spacious room decorated with plants and flowers. Once seated, she lit candles around my chair, marking the four directions of East, South, West, and North. I could see a thin stream of smoke emanating from burning sage. Suddenly, a

movie projector was turned on and images began to appear on a screen on one of the walls. “Am I imagining this? Am I dreaming?” I thought for a moment. “Take a look at your life and the areas where you have given away your power,” the woman said. I began to pay closer attention. Images of a birth were projected on the wall. Soon I recognized the images were of my being born. It appeared I tried to speak soon after the umbilical cord was cut. To my surprise, people could not understand. At that moment, I recognized that I needed to learn the language being used. New images were shown, reflecting my childhood years, adolescence, and young adulthood. I saw how I attempted to resist the internalization of specific customs, beliefs, and values. Yet, through constant exposure and repetition, it became almost impossible not to assimilate. I observed the dissolving of much of my childhood’s innocence, purity, and clarity as I began to develop masks and images under the notion of a personality. I saw how certain experiences, including family and community violence and communication based on deficits and rejection, led to addictions and self-hatred, While sitting on the chair observing these images, feelings of sadness invaded my body. “My dear one,” the woman spoke, sitting next to me, holding my hands. “You have an opportunity to reclaim what has always been yours, the power to be in the physical realm without losing sight of your divine nature. Although you may have felt alone from time to time your spirit has never abandoned you. It has accompanied you through your earthly experiences.” I listened attentively as this angelic woman continued, “Your life force is ready to be reactivated.”

Unexpectedly, I felt someone caressing my face. It was my daughter Rhia. At first, I thought, “Time could have not ed so quickly.” “Papa, wake up. Isaiah left. He told me to tell you that he went to his friend Tony’s house,” she said. As I opened my eyes and connected with Rhia’s I felt blessed. As Rhia kissed my cheek, I recognized that Spirit works in mysterious ways; I was provided

with an opportunity to recognize that conditions encountered through Form do not need to be perpetuated. Rhia looked at me and asked, “Papa, are you okay?” “Yes, sweet darling. I am fine. How is my beautiful princess?” I responded with a smile on my face. Rhia smiled, kissed me again, and asked, “Can I go to Josie’s house?” “Is she home from school?” “Yes, they are outside playing.” “Be careful when crossing the street,” I replied after giving Rhia another kiss. “Bye, Papa, I love you,” Rhia said as she turned and walked out of the room. I felt gratitude in my heart. It had been several years since my divorce. While the children had experienced some challenges during the process of adjusting to these life changes, I could see them blossoming through the love that they have been receiving. I could witness what the Voice had communicated during one of our conversations, “There is a gift in every experience, nothing happens by coincidence.” From a distance, I could hear Elijah, my younger son, on the phone speaking with friends. Something inside me encouraged me to find a pencil and paper and write. Without hesitation, I engaged in the task at hand. To my surprise, I felt an unknown force moving my hand and writing words of gratitude.

Divine Mystery,

I woke up with gratitude for all the gifts I have experienced in my travels. I have been given a body as a vehicle to witness, learn, and navigate through Form. I have been given the opportunity to participate in the creation of life, the Forms of children, whose hearts have taught me to feel sensations that go beyond the boundaries of conventional understanding. I have been given opportunities to

experience intimacy through multiple relationships. I know that I have not always been skillful, as I have at times vibrated through the frequency of ignorance and lack of trust. But, even for that, I am thankful. Divine Mystery, thank you, for teaching me to rely on the laws of the elements and directions. As the sun rises from the East, I continue to learn to listen to the Eagle moving gently yet firmly, carrying the message of pure intention and new beginnings. I can hear Air as the wind caresses the feathers of honor and respect. My thoughts are becoming more focused and even neutral at times. The element of Air encourages me to embrace and continue to trust the flow of creative moments and the acceptance of diverse perspectives and visions within my human encounters. Through the element of Air, I have been transported into dimensions that are beyond the understanding of the mind. For this, I am thankful. Divine Mystery, thank you, for teaching me that the elements coexist as one. As I have traveled into the direction of the South, I have been blessed with the medicine of Wolf and Fire. The medicine of Wolf continues to teach me about guidance, loyalty, patience, discipline, and intuition. I have been blessed by wonderful people in my life; beings of light. Each has provided me with a different gift; two major gifts have been forgiveness and gratitude. For this, I am thankful. The element of Fire, carried by the medicine of Wolf, is assisting with my awakening and transformation. As you know, Divine Mystery, I seem to be coming full circle, going from constant forgetfulness into frequent remembrance. Fire has warmed my path; it has calmed my earthly desires and encouraged my flame of ion to live in full awareness. My intuition continues to awaken as my life force, expression, and my confidence have been strengthened by the radiance of Fire. For this, I am thankful. Divine Mystery, thank you, for promoting the experience of emotions while continuing to me to learn more about neutrality. Moving within the circle, changing into the direction of the West, I have been blessed with the opportunity to experience the sunset, symbolic of endings. The medicine of Bear–black, brown, and white–assists me in becoming strong, grounded like a tree yet flexible like the wind, and for teaching me to rest and begin to dream again. For this, I am thankful. The element of Water encourages me to embrace the practice of purification, cleansing and letting go of mental or physical patterns no longer needed for my ongoing existence within Form. The life force found within the element of Water continues to teach me to practice comion

toward Self and the notion of Other. The nurturing serenity found in the element of Water is encouraging a path based on waves of healing and a life of constant reflection through which actions can be taken. For this, I am thankful. Divine Mystery, thank you for allowing me to take Form in this body, for permitting me to play within the playground of humanity, although resistance often comes uninvited. Thank you for presenting me with multiple experiences from which I can continue to learn to walk with integrity, trusting and experiencing truth beyond conditions. As I have traveled within the circle into the direction of the North, I have been blessed with the medicine of Buffalo–the black, brown, and white. Abundance has unfolded in my life in the form of love, health, and wealth. Thank you for reminding me to be grateful for my sacred connections with those in form and beyond as well as for teaching me to walk a sacred path. The element of Earth is encouraging and teaching me about stability, as well as to ask for assistance when needed. My heart vibrates to the frequency of love, as I reflect on and humbly honor my elders, the four-legged, the two-legged, winged ones, swimmers, crawlers, mountains, plants and rock people. I am thankful to live, learn, laugh, and love within Form. Thank you Divine Mystery for strengthening my maturity as a human, for teaching me how to rely on your guidance as I continue to learn: Try not to miss the big picture. For this, I am thankful. Divine Mystery, thank you for teaching me that my true existence originated and continues beyond the physical. The element of Ether, Spirit, continues to teach me to connect and transcend, and honors me with the recognition of Akasha, which is an East Indian term meaning, “infinite inner space.” This inner space has revealed that the universe exists within and without Form. Thus constantly reminding me of neutrality as I experience the boundless interface of Creation and Creator. Divine Mystery, thank you for helping me to understand that time is an illusion, yet it is experienced within Form to our minds while contemplating a sense of direction, security, and stability. Life, death, and rebirth occur within a cyclical continuum as reflected by the turning wheel or sign of infinity. For this, I am thankful. Divine Mystery, thank you for teaching me that I am all the elements, that I have choices within the vastness of the notion of destiny. Air births the idea and Fire acts; Water assists with the flow of energy and Earth helps with the groundwork. The Ether brings them all into existence to play within Form. Divine Mystery, thank you for granting me the strength to balance these elements. Aho – For all

my relations.

As the hand stopped moving, I was in awe. I do not ever writing something of this nature. The writing brought memories of my great-great grandfather as well as great-great uncle, both respected curanderos, medicine men who had dedicated their lives to serving communities in need. As my hand moved and wrote, I felt something being lifted. I did not feel the “fight or flight” pattern that I have been so familiar with, especially during times of uncertainty. I lay back on the bed and focused on my breathing.

“May you walk with awareness and intentionality that the notion of self exists beyond boundaries revealed by the conditional mind,” the Voice said before I closed my eyes.

Great Mystery, When you looked, you saw me. When you spoke, you woke me. When you touched, you healed me. When you loved, you reminded me that everything else is an illusion. kg

CHAPTER 3

♥ Fire In The Heart ♥

Bravery

T he morning arrived. It had been several months since the Voice and I began to meet regularly by the oak tree. Multiple conversations had evolved, as well as various lessons had unfolded. I felt that my spirit had been strengthened as I dived into the wisdom found in uncertainty and the power revealed through moments of vulnerability. I sat at the kitchen table eating breakfast next to my sons, Isaiah, twenty-two years old, Elijah, seventeen years of age, and my daughter Rhiannon, twelve years old. “Papa, what do you do sitting by the oak tree in the back of the house at night?” Isaiah asked. “Mostly, I listen,” I replied. “Listen to what? I haven’t seen anybody else there.” I smiled for a moment as I looked deeply into Isaiah’s eyes before responding, “I listen to a Voice.” Isaiah smiled before putting a spoonful of cereal in his month and stated, “Whatever, Pa.” My comment seemed of no surprise to Isaiah. Since he was born, he has been introduced to a number of spiritually based experiences. My search became his practice. Throughout his younger years he was able to vocalize, within minutes, ancient Sanskrit chants which would take me months to learn. He had often enjoyed participating in spiritual gatherings and listening to different perspectives. He was a walking meditation.

Throughout his younger years, I observed how other children and youth enjoyed sharing their time with Isaiah. He has been a charismatic and charming being touching the lives of many. While continuing to be a radiant light, Isaiah’s focus has changed a bit, now often relying on reason and logic, questioning anything and everything. Isaiah was no longer a young child. He was experiencing a human rite of age into young adulthood. He was mirroring a process of being and becoming, often demonstrating a desire for independence. I could only reflect back to my own experiences and attempt to be as ive as possible as I learned to tune into his spirit. As Isaiah and I continued to interact, I was again briefly reminded of some words once spoken by the Voice: “There are no coincidences in life. Each moment is a gift. When experiencing separation, rely on the frequency of vibration that resonates with Spirit, that which is.” There was no doubt. The moment being experienced was precious. Isaiah seemed to be mirroring my own doubts and lack of trust in what seemed to be impossible. Although I had been allowing myself to respond to and embrace this experience, speaking and listening to a voice that had no physical form attached to it continued to be an incomprehensible experience to my human mind. Yet, this unscientifically verified experience was as real as speaking with Isaiah sitting physically next to me. I had surrendered to the notion that my mind was narrowed by its logic and reasoning. Trying to understand the experiences with the Voice was not just unattainable, but also no longer desirable. “Have you ever felt as if something or someone was always looking over you? As if you were not alone?” I asked Isaiah with the intention of deepening our conversation. “Yes, Pa, I have; you and Mama,” Isaiah responded before cracking up laughing. I noticed that Elijah also smiled, but seemed to act as if he was not paying much attention to the conversation. “You are funning,” I replied with a smile, sensing that this was as deep as the conversation was going get. I felt no need to change Isaiah’s response or mine. The moment of being together was all that was important. Isaiah smiled back as he looked deep into my eyes. I could sense his acceptance of me, a dad who seemed to be going nuts.

“Papa, can I borrow the Voice? I have an exam today. It could come in handy,” Isaiah said and we both smiled again. “I guess you can. It is available,” I responded. As Isaiah and I exchanged words, Elijah seemed to listen more attentively. Yet, he made no inclination one way or another. He continued eating his breakfast quietly. Rhiannon, on the other hand, sang as she was putting her bowl in the kitchen sink. Before the neighbor came to pick up Eli and Rhia to take them to school, and Isaiah left for his classes at the university, I hugged each of them gently and firmly. I reflected on a brief poem that I had written the night before after my conversation with the Voice:

May we walk in Peace, May we see with ion, May we speak with Kindness, May we listen with Respect. May we hug with Love!

After Elijah and Rhia carpooled with the neighbor to school, and Isaiah drove to the university, I began preparing for work. A statement made by the Voice the night before continued to echo in my ears: “Being in alignment is simply being present with the gifts that unfold moment to moment. No attachment, no detachment; simply, experiencing the magic of neutrality. From this space, the magic of the I AM Presence is revealed. There is no need to wait. The time is now and the moment is here, allow your notion of self to journey into the heart of remembrance.”

♥

As I arrived at my office, my heart began to pound with an overwhelming sense of anxiety, a moment of physical and emotional unease. The anxiety was not related to teaching, since I had already prepared the discussion and exercises to use in class. Besides, being in the classroom was one of the few places where I felt real, without a need to pretend. Yet, often times, I could not seem to feel the same experience of sincerity and authenticity when interacting with a number of my colleagues. I had begun to deepen my awareness that I often wear a mask that seemed to block the opportunities available for connecting through the heart of comion and beyond encounters used for auto-ego-simulations. I generally hid my sense of truth from most of my colleagues. Was it fear of being rejected? Was it fear of becoming an outcast? Was it insecurities and lack of strength to stand firm and experience being alone? Or, was it because somehow I had internalized a notion that this was not a place to move beyond auto-ego-stimulations? These questions have haunted me for quite some time. All I knew was that my patterns could no longer continue if my intention was to experience my true essence. Being in constant impeccability with my words and actions was not only important in order to alleviate and heal emotional and behavioral patterns that had created unnecessary pains, but also inevitable for the restoration of a fragmented self. While at work, I often felt like I was living two lives: A private life shaped by an uneasy yet desirable quest for wholeness, and a public in which inevitably only my surface was revealed. I, habitually, felt a sense of depersonalization in most of my interactions with co-workers. I had a few individuals I called friends, with whom I had shared a deeper part of my heart. The structure of my place of employment required protocols to guide our professional lives. Yet, many of the protocols, intentionally or unintentionally, often promoted isolation of the personal from the professional, the private from the public, the objective from the subjective, the art from the science, the visible from the invisible, the conventional from the transcendent. The mind was often perceived as the master, and ego often clouded the opportunity to relate from the heart. Science seemed to be trusted over the guidance of Spirit. I was guilty of promoting such culture. My fears had held me back from directly challenging

the status quo. It was time to stop the image which had partially colonized my spirit. While sitting in front of my computer, I reflected on a decision I made several years ago. I had written and sent an e-mail to all my co-workers. The e-mail read, “Effective today, I would like to be referred to as Krishna . I am in the process of legally changing my first name. Thank you, Namaste.” Namaste is a word that I had learned, and heard many interpretations, each of them well-received; however, one of the interpretations that spoke the loudest to my heart: “The divinity within me salutes and honors the divinity within you.” As I reflected on the decision of changing my name, I felt a sense of liberation. I could observe bravery and some steps that I had embraced at different times in my life. The decision to legally change my name marked a time when my declaration to live in conscious awareness was made. Years prior to that decision, I had wanted to change my birth-given name, José, to Krishna, a name bestowed by a delightful spiritual teacher; however, due to fear of being judged, misunderstood, and rejected, I convinced myself that it would not be a good initiative. Fear pulled me back into a comfort zone; yet, I knew I needed to honor and confront my fears as well as move beyond them. Changing my name legally was a step forward in outwardly acknowledging an inner process. Back then, I knew that it was one of the various forms of transformation yet to come. “Hello, my dear one,” the Voice spoke. “Your desire for transformation within the context of the physical realm is ired. Change is constant within your human realm of experiences. You can either embrace it with awareness or unconsciously encounter its directions. Fear not, for you are not alone.” I took a deep breath and sat straight on my chair as I looked outside the window. Three small birds had landed on one of the branches of a beautiful pine tree, standing tall outside my office. The birds were present in their experience of the now, singing and playing with each other, revealing a sense of innocence and resilience. “Be present to your transformative abilities,” the Voice continued. “However, that you are already that which you may wish to become, Whole. Spirit is all-encoming and needs no healing. Spirit is that which heals and restores the notion of the fragmented human self.”

“I can sense a truth in your words. Yet, I often find myself jumping from moments of remembrance to moment of forgetfulness,” I responded. “While in Form, one is likely to encounter worldly notions of reality that are based on conventional consciousness, a consciousness often limited to worldly sensations and norms influenced by the realm of materialism. Keep setting a conscious intention daily. You are Spirit traveling through human experiences. Spirit will always find ways to remind Form that essence transcends into the infinite, the space of endless possibilities, the uncertainty that reveals absolute truth,” The Voice replied. I took a deep breath again as I attempted to integrate the message being shared. I wanted so much to feel completed. Yet, I knew that I needed to continue acknowledging and dismantling the fear surrounding my heart in order to let go of my expectations, expectations that only disturb the possibility to be in the presence with all that is. “It is good to that nothing lives in isolation” the Voice began again. “As we have discussed, human beings are a reflection of one another. That which you ire in ‘another’ exists in you, although sometimes some qualities may not be as dominant and easy to recognize within your sense of being. Yet, it does not mean that they do not dwell in you as you see them being reflected in the notion of others.” “In other words, I am all that I see, feel, sense, hear, and smell,” I replied. “Don’t think so restrictively, you are much more than that. You are the uncertainty that is certain, the emptiness that is whole, the spacelessness full of possibilities. Do not diminish your true identity. , in the realm of the transcendence, there is no Other.” The ringing of the phone interrupted the Voice. A sense of serenity overwhelmed my body. My eyes remained closed, as I allowed this moment to take its course. “I guess it is difficult to let go of a deeply rooted belief regarding duality,” I thought for a moment. For a great part of my life I had been exposed to a sense of separation: The them and us, the you and I, the good and evil, the right and wrong, the list is endless. Yet, at different times in my life, I have been introduced to the notion of oneness.

Still, the pain surrounding my heart has made it difficult for full conciliation between the body, mind, and spirit. “Your experience of separation should be of no surprise when peering through the lens of the physical world and contexts through which boundaries form the base for interactions,” the Voice continued. “Yes, within Form, you have been called to manifest and experience the magic for which you accepted birth. Everyone is the chosen one. No one stays behind, since ultimately Spirit cannot be fragmented. After all, what is Oneness if a piece is missing? This is not to say that all pieces have to be next to one another or carrying on the same function. As reflected through the image of a puzzle, different pieces play different roles, yet they merge in the formation of the One. Thus, each being within Form is the Creator and Creation itself, all within the space of the Great Mystery. Is it not?” As the Voice spoke, I was taken back to a dream that I had had. In the dream, for a moment, I found myself chanting words that I did could not understand. I was in an open field surrounded by crystals. A conversation emerged inside of me between what I refer to as Mind and Heart. I could picture them dancing as Mind asked, “Who are you?” Heart quickly responded, “Magnificence,” and then continued the dance. As the dream continued, a wise older man, probably in his 70s-80s, was holding me from behind. He smiled every time I attempted to turn my head around to look at him. Then an older woman, about the same age, approached me from the front and hugged me. The three of us melded into one. I woke from the dream with a fiery feeling coursing throughout my body. As soon as I woke up, I wrote down these words:

May the body be a Divine Temple through which Spirit communicates. May the body be a vehicle through which the Soul navigates. May the body be a mirror of the vastness of Divine Love manifested in Form.

“While not yet fully integrated, I can experience your message,” I replied to the Voice. “My commitment to live in the remembrance is increasing with every

interaction we have.” “That is the intention here, beloved,” the Voice responded. “Be within the magic of your existence. You are in Form for a purpose and not by accident; live in the remembrance that we are Light, Love, and Truth, even if the mind forgets at times.” “My commitment is growing stronger,” I responded. “Always keep in mind that you are not alone. Spirit will always remind you to move beyond human greed, jealousy, resentments, power struggles for control, and ultimately pain created by a sense of separation. The possibility exists for you to be in this world without being of the world,” the Voice stated. As I listened to the Voice, I felt a need to respond. In spite of that, I remained silent, observing thoughts as I focused on my breath. I remained with my eyes closed. I continued to breathe deeply. Unexpectedly, I went into the dream world.

I found myself walking in a park near my childhood town. It had been many years since I last visited this park in person, I thought for a moment. I looked around and saw no other soul in sight. I walked in circles as if I were preparing for a ritual. The daylight disappeared rapidly as the light of a full moon began to shine. The night had arrived. In the distance, and without warning, I felt the presence of something or someone watching me. I retained focus on my breath. Suddenly, I saw the image of a two-headed dragon that did not seem friendly. The dragon was about twenty feet tall and had profound brown-eyes. Fiery flames appeared with every exhalation the dragon intentionally took open mouthed. His attention was on me. I sensed that the dragon was frightened of me just as I was terrified of it. Fear ran through my body as I sensed that it was preparing to respond. Abruptly, the dragon began to approach me, running fast. I began to run as well. To my surprise, I was not running away, but rather toward the dragon. It was a moment of feeling and confronting fear without attachment to the outcome. Everything was on the line. As I got closer to the dragon, I intensively witnessed the fear in his eyes and sensed the kindness in his heart. He mirrored my own terror and comion, the divergence between constructed fear and divine

unconditional love. Just before we were about to crash together, the image of the dragon dissolved before my eyes. I felt fire in my heart.

Suddenly, I felt my body back in my office. That moment was magical. At that instant I knew the dragon reflected my inner struggles ready to be transformed as well as the strength I needed to take the steps. I relived the memories of this experience throughout the day. My faith in the possibility of transformation through intentionality was strengthened. Life is full of surprises and opportunities, I thought as I began driving home.

Forgiveness releases conditions and patterns that are no longer needed. Forgiveness reflects a commitment to surrendering without withdrawing and showing up as we let go. kg

CHAPTER 4

♥ Power In Vulnerability ♥

Surrender

A s time ed, and my relationship with the Voice strengthened, I experienced a stronger commitment to dive deeply into the hands of the great unknown. The guidance received through conversations with the Voice as well as dreams I encountered instigated emotional, mental, and spiritual maturity. Watching the breath concurrently allowing thoughts to rush through my mind without attachment had become a little more manageable. Securing a space for stillness provided an opportunity to strengthen my trust in Spirit, observing the breath serving as life force in motion; although willing to continue facing my unfinished business, resistance came often, uninvited. As I entered my car, I became present to the changes in the seasons. Spring was here. The trees were loaded with fresh leaves, reflecting the process of rebirth. The sun was shining radiant light over the blooming flowers in the garden. The wind blew gently. It was early morning and I found myself preparing to drive to a soul retrieval session I had scheduled. Several years ago, I had read a book titled Soul Retrieval: Mending the Fragmented Self, written by Sandra Ingerman. A premise of soul retrieval is that when traumatic experiences are encountered, oftentimes a vital part of the individual’s essence separates from its source. The individual carries on living with the physical, mental, and/or emotional shock experienced through such occurrence. Traumas generated by incidents such as the unexpected death of a loved one, child maltreatment, abusive relationships, and addictions could cause one’s essence to become fragmented. This is often referred to as soul loss. According to this healing practice of soul retrieval, a person bearing soul loss commonly experiences distortion of essence. As a person’s vital life-core, or soul, becomes fragmented parts of the essential life force navigate into nonordinary reality: A space of endless possibility, an unlimited cosmos which exists parallel to the physical world, yet transcends it. Non-ordinary reality can be

accessed through an altered state of consciousness, allowing for restoration of the self. I had learned that the purpose of soul retrieval is for a shaman, or trained practitioner, to journey into non-ordinary reality on behalf of a person with the intention of retrieving and bringing back the split parts of the soul, thus assisting the person mending the fragmented self. During a soul retrieval session, the shaman, or trained practitioner, becomes a facilitator, allowing Spirit to guide the journey into non-ordinary realities. She or he will rely on the directions provided by spiritual guardians manifested in multiple ways, including animal guides and ancient spiritual entities. In mending or restoring the fragmented self, the string that had kept a person tied to destructive conditions and patterns could now be untied, let go, and transcended. I have also learned that an individual could develop the ability to do this work on his/her own behalf with practice. Trust, intention, clarity, receptivity to the guidance of Spirit, and some understanding are among the qualities needed in order to strengthen the success of this experience. Such qualities were slowly being strengthened within me. Yet, at this moment, I felt the need for external assistance while I listened to internal messages. I was filled with excitement as I drove to the location where the soul retrieval session was to be facilitated. Driving, my mind could not stop itself from wandering down memory lane. For most of my life I felt as if I were wandering through limbo, an out-of-place creature traveling in a foreign land, an outcast; however, a great inner transformation occurred in the last several years after my divorce and in the last six months since my initial encounter with the Voice. Somehow, I felt more grounded with a deeper ability to experience the present moment regardless of its content. I could still witness the journey into the Heart of Remembrance as a work in progress; perhaps it would be a lifetime of opportunities for navigating into the unknown while living, learning, laughing, and loving. Looking back, I recognized that my experimentation with psychedelic drugs was an attempt at feeling a sense of belonging, a misleading effort to reconnect with my essence. I had felt as if parts of my essence continued to be restricted by human conditions as well as intertwined with relationship experiences that no longer served my notion of current reality. My body often flashed back to social, psychological, and physical challenges I had experienced in my notion of a past. I had

encountered a variety of healing practices in the past; each one had assisted in my journey into the Heart of Remembrance. I had faced darkness; yet, many layers remained untouched. The soul retrieval experience was not intended to heal all human wounds. Arriving at the session and being so willing to participate opened the gateway to an additional adventure. A beautiful older woman embraced me. Her eyes were radiant. Her gray hair displayed the energy of an angel. She generated a sense of peace and harmony through her heartfelt hospitality. “Come, sit,” she requested. I could feel the receptivity of my heart and noticed that for the first time in a while, my mind was totally silent. She introduced herself and asked a few questions, though the verbal conversation was short. Upon her invitation, I lay down on a table. I heard the drumbeat begin and then we went on a journey into the Heart of Remembrance and restoration. During the soul retrieval session information was revealed which was of no surprise; it confirmed what I had been feeling for years. I felt a sense of empowerment, a sense of direction, and an increased ability to manage that which was presented as an opportunity to deepen the Journey into the Heart, where all healing is possible. I was not crazy or hallucinating, which perhaps would have been a diagnosis given by a traditional practitioner using what is known as the DSM, a psychological diagnostic tool. Three hours had ed in what seemed the blink of an eye. I was given a blessing by this beautiful being who had facilitated this journey. While driving back home from the soul retrieval session, I experienced an increased sense of awareness. As I arrived at home, I walked toward the garden and sat down on the ground observing the plants. I reflected on the additional layer of inner knowing that had been unfolded within me. I recognized that understanding was not enough, or perhaps it did not need to be the priority goal. Although I had experienced awareness as an important ingredient, it alone did not guarantee transformation. The soul retrieval provided an opportunity for ongoing active engagement in the experience of unconditional radical forgiveness. While in the garden, I suddenly began to pray to the notion of a God from which I had not felt separate. I prayed for the women and men I have known and for those yet to cross my path. As I prayed, I felt my heart experience gratitude for

the joyful as well as the painful experiences I had encountered. At that moment, I recognized at a deeper level that each experience was a gift ing an awakening. After what appeared to be a lengthy period of reflection, I decided to enter the house. I had a desire to go deeper. As I took a deep breath, I felt an urge to write. While growing up, I experienced diverse challenging relationships with significant people in my life. This included my father. Thus, a letter to my father could be a symbolic ritualistic attempt at embracing the magnificence of our spirits while releasing any unfinished business. Would I burn it after writing it? Would I take it to his grave? I visualized these two options at that moment. My father died when I was about six years old; yet, his ghost has chased me throughout the years. He had often been an unconscious memory deep-seated within my body. No, I had not become an abusive alcoholic, a womanizer, or person who could not express affection. Nevertheless, my attempts at escaping patterns modeled by his actions had often led me to careless experimentation with depressant, stimulant, and hallucinogen drugs, as well as constant physical fights with other men due to my own self-hatred, destructive self-induced pain, and lack of direction. I could understand now what the Voice had stated during various occasions, “That which one resists, persists. One must directly face, address, and learn from experiences that one is exposed to and then let them go.” I could witness that my intention of writing to my father was no longer to forget his face, to pretend that he had never existed, or to express the rage that my body once felt. Rather, I felt the need to practice forgiveness in order to embrace the lessons generated through our experiences together. I intended to let go, to let be, through sound, breath, and movement. I had begun to recognize that my previous methods of blaming and rage when addressing a number of my encounters with my father had not generated transformation, but rather a prolongation of unhealthy patterns. The more rage I felt, the more my emotional shadow clouded my vision. Letting go through forgiveness and loving kindness, a sensation cultivated through the soul retrieval experience and my encounters with the Voice, seemed to be the key to a smooth and empowering emancipation. I had nothing to lose and much to gain. My mother was still walking and breathing. While my experiences with my mother had changed, challenging memories were revealed through the soul

retrieval, which needed attention in order to be totally released. Taking the time to write a letter was beneficial for my own ongoing emotional – cognitive restoration. I needed to release my attachment to a past that kept me in a role of being partially disempowered. While growing up, some of my relationships modeled and promoted fear, insecurities, self-rejection, and a lack of belonging while others encouraged recognition and honoring of one’s sacred spirit. I seemed to have become more attached to any destructive belief and/or behavioral patterns. This cycle, I felt, needed to end with me. My children symbolized a new creation, a generation that did not need to carry on unfinished multigenerational cultural business. I could hear the Voice from a distance saying, “Surrender to the humility of your heart as it reminds you that life does not need to be a struggle. Pain is not a requirement for growth.” I sat at the kitchen table with pen in hand. I leaned back in the chair taking a deep breath before starting to write. Without much effort, in less than an hour, I had written several letters. I observed my fingers moving the pen back and forth although the content seemed to have been channeled by a source greater than my bounded mind. One of the letters was to my father, a man who believed in the role of good provider. Being a good provider meant being the breadwinner, the one who rewarded himself by staying long hours outside the home drinking with friends and sleeping with other women as long as he put food on the table. As a child, I often felt he was a lost soul. He did not seem to be able to spend a moment in stillness, being present. Moments of tranquility were rare, unless he was hypnotized by a television show while drinking his beer. As I wrote to my father, I was also able to briefly reflect on my relationship with my paternal grandfather. My grandfather had been as abusive to his immediate family as my father had been to ours. Much clarity was revealed. My father had been hardwired to unhealthy and abusive multigenerational family patterns, which seemed to have gone unquestioned and unchallenged until now. My old man and his old man had followed the footsteps of multigenerational male figures and cultural expectations. My old man had learned to medicate his feelings with alcohol and women. He often lacked awareness regarding the ways

his behaviors injured beings. I could still hiding under the bed, leaving the house, or running next door to my uncle’s home after recognizing that my father was late coming from work. Returning home late meant that he had stopped at la cantina, the bar, and he would initiate a war upon his arrival at home, intoxicated. Everything and everyone was the target. The notion that “hands are for hugging” was foreign to my father while under the influence of alcohol. He used his strong hands as weapons: To intimidate, to promote fear, to attempt to control, and physically diminish those he perceived as his opponents. This letter to my father, however, had a different tone than other letters I had previously written. In the past, rage had shaped the words I used to express my emotions on paper. This time a sense of comion was present. I was not screaming and kicking, accusing him of being an abusive alcoholic, a manipulator, a fear builder, a compulsive liar, or a man with no integrity. Rather, I was attempting to communicate with his essence, the Spirit that had been clouded by his human experiences and conditions, multigenerational - historical trauma. As I wrote, I felt comion and forgiveness for the ignorance that seemed to have ed his behavior. As I wrote, I felt my father’s innocence encased by wounds. Images of swimming in a river of forgiveness filled my heart. I could sense being liberated; cutting the umbilical cord that had connected me for years to my father’s forgetfulness of his true nature. I did not need to continue carrying a cross of multigenerational patterns. There was no need for a power struggle, but rather for an opening to reconciliation and redemption. I sensed my spirit singing melodies of peace and surrender to the infinite space of Divine Love. Other letters were written to other people in my life with the same intentions: forgiveness and love in action. The intention was to let go of beliefs and chains of emotional and behavioral patterns ingrained into my beingness, to let be of that which could not have been changed, and experience a rebirth presenting new possibilities. I had begun to recognize that for some of my past relationships, I was not a victim, just simply a source of release, a punching bag. My body had become numb to pain. The physical scars had been healed; yet, out of the body experiences were the norm. There was something in me that knew that I could no longer live this way. Thus, writing became a vehicle. I have heard of the belief that one choses one’s relationships in order to encounter some human experiences. During this experience, whether or not I

have chosen my relationships, was irrelevant to me. What was important was the lessons learned through my interactions. Different experiences had awakened in me a level of unconditional comion toward human suffering. Some of my experiences have provided an opportunity to witness that the chain of pain could not exclusively be attributed to one or two human beings. We, as a people, seemed to have been affected by the madness of human conditions. The Voice once had said, “The negligence reflected in your close relationships is symbolic to the forgetfulness often mirrored within the physical realm. Nobody is to be blamed, yet, everyone is responsible.” As I wrote, I was reminded of a conversation that I had had with the Voice in which it stated:

“Much movement is occurring within the cosmos. Magnetic fields of energy have been activated. Being receptive to divine flow of information requires silence in order to navigate through restrictions promoted by Mind’s unwillingness to let go. We are all reminded to trust that Truth will always be revealed, no need for anticipation. Within the Mystery, we are all whole and complete. Within Form, it appears that we need to be repaired. This is an illusion.”

Returning to memory lane, as I sat writing at the kitchen table, I witnessing how external conflicts created by some social – cultural conditions were simply being manifested as internal wars observed through my intrapersonal interactions and vice versa. Growing up, experiences of violence were accompanied by the experience of poverty, which developed an agreement to coexist with addiction. A small percentage of my immediate and extended relationships have escaped the darkness of poverty, at least temporarily. Lack of employment and low social, educational, or economic achievements for the most part have been extended as a gift to future generations. This cycle of poverty, addiction, and violence has continued to manifest with very little changes. As I wrote, my intention was to honor what was, what is, and move on. Expansion was not only necessary, but rather vital for releasing cognitive, emotional, and social patterns no longer needed.

While writing, I was surprised how often memories of pain were accompanied by memories of gratitude. Our life experiences could be referred to as “divine appointments,” people engaging in diverse roles and doing the best they can with what they know, and being unified by a sacred transcendent contract. While writing, I began to recognize that our human actions are either an expression of love or the need for love. The Voice had once said, “Loving is what makes us real.” My experiences growing up were not exclusively based on occurrences of pain, grief, and loss. There were also encounters that were deeply desirable. The times I spent at my mother’s great-granduncle were magical. I running after his chickens, helping him feed the pigs, and scrutinizing while he milked the cows. The mango and guava trees were always fun to climb. I felt freer than Tarzan hanging on their branches. The times when I was taken to visit my great-grandfather, a man born in the late 1800s whose knowledge about natural ways of living was impressive, were also inspirational. Even at a hundred and sixteen, according to his birth certificate, he still lived by himself. Age did not stop him from riding a horse. He ate what he grew, living in harmony with nature. Both my great-grandfather and granduncle were considered community curanderos, medicine men gifted with a power to produce what many may call miracles. “I let God work through me,” my great-great-granduncle often expressed. People came from all over town to receive healings, through methods referred to in modern times as massages, acupressure, conscious breathing, and herb medicine. The work was free of cost. “You cannot charge for God’s work,” my great-great-granduncle once reminded me. Their abilities to assist people were perceived as gifts from God that they wanted to share with as many individuals as they could. People often brought fruits or body oils for my great-great-grandfather or greatgreat-granduncle in exchange for their services. Each of these extraordinary men had less than an elementary school education but knew the body system as well as or better than any trained physician. It was an honor to be in their presence. The time that I took to write, generated much movement of emotion in my energy field, more than I expected. I reached for the sage and began to cleanse myself soon after I put the pen down. I carried the letters out to the backyard and

stood by the oak tree to burn them as I offered a blessing to the four directions: the East, the South, the West, and the North. After a few minutes, only ashes were left. My body felt the radiant flame of the sunlight penetrating and cleansing my cell memories. “Loving what is,” was a melody vibrating through the sound of the fire. While breathing into the experience, I felt closer to my destination, the returning into Essence as I traveled into the wisdom of uncertainty, all within the infinite here and now. Forgiveness helped clear the way into my heart. Journeying into the Heart of Remembrance had brought me nearer to my vital life force. As I prepared myself to take a bath, I heard the Voice. “Hello, my child. Let the water caress the skin, purifying the injuries that your body and human psyche were once exposed to; let the mind be cleansed. As you have experienced, pain can be transformed into strength. There is power in vulnerability.” I closed my eyes. I knew that the Voice could penetrate my thoughts and feelings; thus, I asked silently, “How long will this last? I go in and out of feeling the strength that derives from Spirit.” “Time is irrelevant,” the Voice replied. “In the spirit world, time is an illusion. You can say that things happen within a moment. A moment may feel like an eternity. Yet, eternity is revealed within the Infinite Now.” After the Voice spoke, there was silence. I breathed into this boundless space. “, you will not experience more than you can handle. It has been divinely designed that way. Your spirit is stronger than any human pain you would ever encounter. It is what heals. It is what guides. It is your life force.” I listened attentively. “Your attention can be better used if it is focused on the process rather than rushing for an immature outcome. If the process is ignored, the outcome, when it arrives, it is likely to go unrecognized.” “But…,” I was interrupted before another word was spoken. “One can resist, engage, and/or change a specific process, but a process is constantly in motion. You may say that a process serves as a vehicle to transport Spirit from and back to non-ordinary reality, the endless space that transcends all limits and restrictions,” said the Voice.

“The mind is likely not to understand all that is happening. The mind is limited by its own boundaries. It can serve as a tool during this process of restoration. Yet, it may act as a barrier due to an attachment to logic and reasoning, or for that manner a superficial understanding. Trust that what had happened, or is yet to come, will be for the highest good. You are experiencing a Golden Age, moments in human history when substantial shifts in consciousness are occurring in order to reawaken sleeping souls. The guardian forces revealed to you through the soul retrieval can be called upon whenever you need direction.” The message was clear and much needed. Two animal spirits had been presented to me during the soul retrieval: the spirit of dolphin and the spirit of turkey, generally symbolizing balance, letting go, and renovation. As I got out of the bathtub, I felt lighter, as if a weight carried for years had been lifted. For some time, I had recognized how my memory cells had stored much content, which could be compared to nuclear-type waste, a form of energy that was no longer needed if harmony and a peaceful resolution were to be achieved. The observed external wars between nations or among groups of people mirrored the internal conflicts occurring within me. Peace treaties could no longer be broken if harmony with “What Is” was the objective.

Intention provides the mechanism to guide our attention–a commitment to be courageous while engaging in decisions fostered by reflective listening. kg

CHAPTER 5

♥ Commitment ♥

Expansion of Conscious Engagement

I was awakened by the sunlight entering the bedroom window. Without making a sound, I opened my eyes slowly. The heat from the sunlight was warm on my face. It was early afternoon. I seemed to have fallen asleep for a moment while attempting to meditate lying on the bed. The room was filled with the odor of sage that I had burned earlier. A shamanic musical tone was still playing in the distance. I felt called by the drums beating in sync with the rhythm of my heart. Am I awake? Is this a dream ? I thought for a moment. While resting, I sensed further transformation. I felt excited yet terrified. A question formulated in my mind: Do I have the strength and courage to further navigate through unknown territories? Although I did not consider myself religious, a desire to pray emerged, and so I began.

Oh Great Mystery, Divine Spirit, Mother of all Creation, Father of Earth and Sky, I ask for clarity: Oh ancient masters of all religions, beings of light, source of infinite awareness, wisdom, love, and higher intelligence, guide my way beyond fear into pure Truth and Core Essence. I ask for guidance. I ask for strength and courage. How must I continue my journey?

While praying, I felt a tickling sensation around my chest and momentarily could not move any part of my body. Thoughts gathered and found voice through me. Is this an outer body experience? Is this an answer to my request? I witnessed my body on the bed and sensed that I was in it but not of it. I felt connected without being confined. The message, once again, was clear: We are more than what we can see, taste, touch, hear, and smell. Experiences are not what confine us, but rather our responses to such experiences are what create confinement.

Suddenly I felt my body again. At the same time, I felt the warmth of an entity nearby. “Breathe,” the Voice stated. “The endless space of Remembrance is always available to be embraced. You know what to do.” I remained with my eyes closed as I took a deep breath. “While in the physical realm, conventional knowledge reminds you that change is constant and inevitable. Yet, transformation, or should we call it Remembrance, while the very nature of change moves beyond linearity. Transformation is not chronological, as time is an illusion. Transformation/Remembrance requires a degree of intentionality. Therefore, it is optional. “I don’t understand,” I stated. “While change represents both a vehicle and a road offering multiple directions, transformation/Remembrance represents the driver making conscious decisions to travel toward a destination,” the Voice answered. “Yet, this driver does not seem to be conscious enough to decide which direction to take next,” I responded. “Choices are endless. Navigate through your notion of shadows from a boundless space of Remembrance. What about simply being available to what is?” the Voice paused then continued. “ the owl that has approached you several times?” “Yes,” I responded. “The time that it landed on the oak tree branch was an invitation to truly listen, to engage in life fully and wholeheartedly embrace your earthly adventures. Rely on your adaptability and versatility. Owl medicine is in you, a reminder of being ruler of the night and seer of souls. Its medicine frees the soul from the physical into non-ordinary realities. Enjoy the journey.” “Please elaborate,” I asked.

“Allow the light to illuminate the tunnel of what you perceive as darkness,” the Voice continued. “One moment at a time, acknowledge and face your fears with courage so that their source can be unmasked and banished. Have the courage to see with the eyes and kindness of the heart. Forgive and let go of your attachment to what you called the past. Remembrance is possible in the now. Rely on the strength of Spirit.” The Voice paused. As I took a deep breath, I felt my mind resist, yet my heart experienced a sense of knowing beyond logical understanding. “Continue to give yourself permission to touch your human wounds with kindness, as you would do with a loved one who is bleeding and in need of attention. Establish a conscious relationship with the wounds. Approach them with comion. Give them a name. They do not have to haunt you any longer. They can serve you in your path of rediscovering your true nature,” the Voice paused again. “A conscious commitment is indispensable for clarity to continue to unfold. Continuing to face your fears and giving yourself permission to befriend your human wounds encourages liberation from deep-rooted beliefs and values that are no longer needed in your interactions with what you called ‘self and others’.” There was silence. “, nobody is to be blamed; no shame is needed. People often give according to how they have received and what they . Humankind is likely to repeat relational patterns until they consciously learn to transform them.” “For a while I have been wondering who are you who so often comes uninvited?” I asked. “How do I know you are real? How do I know you are not trying to set me up for another experience of disappointment, grief, loss, pain? Are you my mind, masking its nature of deception? Is this a psychotic episode? Are you really a spiritual entity? Am I losing it? Please reveal your identity,” I continued. “Why me? Why have I been chosen?” For a moment, no response was given. “We are all chosen” the Voice replied. “My words have been spoken to many. Some have responded with enthusiasm, receptivity, and a commitment to embrace what is. Others have heard the message but have not listened to the meaning, continuing on a path that has filled their lives with unnecessary human pain,” The Voice responded.

Although my heart shook with joy and felt truth in the message being shared, my mind resisted its message. I felt my fears pulling me deeper into a place of darkness, a place of forgetfulness, a place of confusion; that place that was familiar and filled with pain. “You have asked me to reveal an identity,” the Voice proceeded. “I would like to remind you that language is restricted by its own interpretations of symbols, and that human symbols will never completely represent non-ordinary realities that exist beyond the notion of space and time. Thus, listen with the sacred Heart accessible to you in the Now. This is the heart of all understanding, always available but not always easily reached due to the unnecessary armor encasing it through conditional human beliefs, values, behaviors, and patterns. Rely on the wisdom of uncertainty. Let me inform you that I have no human boundaries or restrictions such as a body, mind, or image. The mind perceives me as invisible or even imaginary, yet Heart witnesses that I am not. The heart does not have to see the womb to trust that it is the source of birth. I am the light that transcends the darkness of ignorance. I am the truth that promotes liberation from false images and limitations created by the conditional human mind. I am the way into the realm of non-ordinary reality, and I am non-ordinary reality itself. I am the womb of all creation and I am creation itself. I AM,” the Voice spoke with absolute clarity. Silence filled the space. An energy force traveled throughout at the speed of light. My mind held no thoughts, uncommon in my earthly experience. I felt that all I believed myself to be was dissolving. “I have not come without your consent,” the Voice continued. “I have always been with you. As a child, you understood our boundless connection!” Whatever or whoever this Voice was, it knew me well. Reflecting back to my childhood, I could how playful and cheerful I often felt regardless of circumstances. Conversely, my adult life has been influenced by the notion that growing up meant increased responsibilities that demanded constant struggle. “Call upon your Spirit. Rely on the kindness of your Heart, and you will experience me as Divine Intelligence,” the Voice suggested. “You will recognize that I am real beyond conventional and ordinary realms of reality. I have always been here with you, in you, for you, and as you. I am not in your life to create pain, but rather I am the key to liberation.”

Again, I felt excitement circulating in my body. My heart was filled with joy beyond a sense of happiness, while my mind was still sporadically drowning in confusion. My heart felt a sense of reunification but my mind often yearned to run and hide. The tenderness of the Voice reminded me to have patience, to be comionate with my notion of self, a practice that seemed so foreign. Self-defeating beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors had often dominated my adult life. Immediate gratification seems to have attempted to control most of my responses to earthly experiences. In this moment I knew that facing my pain would require ongoing kindness, trust, non-judgment, and equally important, humor. I was reminded of the old cliché, “Keep an open mind,” although my mind often resisted such a request. I walked into the kitchen. After opening the refrigerator, I poured water into a glass then sat at the kitchen table. “The mind does not need to understand. Rely on your breath for comfort,” the Voice interjected. “The human mind cannot totally comprehend Infinite Wisdom, realms that are not bound to logic and the rational thinking, but the mind can be encouraged to listen.” “How can I do that?” I asked. “While focusing on your breathing, simply allow Mind to speak without attachment to any content; be an observer of your mind’s interpretation of events and experiences. Be present with your mind’s perspectives. As it speaks, be aware of sensations within your body. Mind is likely to listen after feeling heard. Some within the physical realm have called this practice ‘Mindfulness.’” “How can I close the gap between what my mind at times dictates and what you present?” I asked. “Simply be open to the teachings available in each human encounter. Honoring each human experience provides an opportunity to be fully available with what is. Many paths are available within the physical realm for reawakening the life force that unifies the fragmented soul. Using your relationships as mirrors can be an important point of reference. Try it. You may be surprised by what you might find. Are you committed?” the Voice stopped.

“Yes, I think I am,” I responded. “As you have done from time to time, begin your day by setting an intention and focusing your attention, moment by moment. This gives initiative to the Law of Attraction. Use your breath as a tool for cleansing unnecessary stress and bringing yourself back to the moment. As mentioned earlier, change is constant and inevitable while transformation/ remembrance is optional and requires intentionality. , the journey begins where the plan ends.” I felt a sense of desperation; I wanted to experience peace immediately, to be relieved from all emotional and mental baggage that I had been carrying. I wanted to be ‘enlightened,’ free from a haunting past. “Listen before responding,” the Voice indicated. “Trust the process, don’t force it. Be aware and let go of your tendency for immediate gratification.” “I wonder if I can fully honor the gifts that have unfolded through previous encounters and relationships?” I questioned aloud. “Being able to fully embrace what Is without attachment, requires a dismantling and refinement of all that no longer serves you on your path to enlightenment. Enlightenment is not necessarily the end-result; there are glimpses of Remembrance that emerge in the process of this ongoing transformation in the Form. The space for being in stillness is indispensable for reconnecting with Divine Intelligence and will raise one’s awareness and guide one’s actions. As one of your teachers, Mahatma Gandhi, once said, ‘Action without contemplation is blind’ and I will add, ‘contemplation without action is waste.’ The doer emerges from the being and vice versa. It is part of a continuum.” As I reflected on those words, I walked toward the bathroom. A moment of silence accompanied me as I brushed my teeth and cleaned my face. I walked back to my bedroom and got dressed for work. I had an evening class to teach. Suddenly, I asked, “If transformation/Remembrance occurs in the Now, as awareness is raised and an intention is set, why could I not experience peace instantly?” “You can. Peace is available each moment though a process is often needed to access this blessing,” the Voice replied. “Awareness of your communication patterns, beliefs, values, and behaviors that no longer serve your intention for

transformation/Remembrance s your options and choices. Yet, awareness alone does not automatically guarantee transformation. A firm commitment to action is also important for the conscious experience of being and becoming to be revealed. Action is not only reflected by behavior or a response; to contemplate is an action. Allow your increased awareness to guide your intention to the infinite fields of energy available for putting Divine Will into motion.” I walked to the living room and sat on a chair as I tied my shoes. I felt a sense of curiosity. “The experience of ‘Being and Becoming,’ what do you mean?” “Actions to promote conscious transformation are encouraged by a sense of becoming, an unfolding into who you already are beyond earthly limited identities, the space of being,” the Voice stated. “It is easy for you to say,” I reacted impatiently. “You have no Form. Perhaps you have never experienced what it feels to be human: the anger, the hatred, the pain, the…” “The ion, the joy, the love,” the Voice interrupted me, using a soft and yet firm tone. “Perhaps rather than perceiving your experiences as challenges that require endless effort and time for them to be addressed, you can see them as gifts to be encountered, honored, and let go.” “From time to time, this whole human thing is confusing,” I stated while taking a deep breath to calm myself down. “What is there to get? Again, the human mind will never totally understand what transcends logic and reasoning. The mind needs to create categories and concepts in order to make sense of its encounters. Yet, not all human encounters are based on conventional consciousness and/or realities.” The message was reinforced by the part of me that appeared to be reawakening, my own sense of knowing that seemed to have been forgotten. In spite of this, part of me continued to feel lost and confused.

“ to find humor in your experiences. The healing that you are searching for will continue to unfold as you play.” Then the Voice asked “Would you like to play a game?” “A game? What kind of a game?” I asked “Let’s call it the Planetary Game: The Heart of Remembrance. While playing, I would like to suggest six principles to guide your participation: Attention and Intention, Gratitude and Forgiveness, Stillness and Action,” the voice responded. “Why these principles?” I asked “These principles can your focus on choices that can yield multiple possibilities,” the Voice paused before continuing. “Bringing your awareness to the space of your attention is vital when determining an intention. Awareness of one’s attention can lead to conscious choices such as, does one keep attention where it is or does one choose to redirect attention in order to foster a different intention?” “Oh, I see,” I replied. “What about gratitude and forgiveness?” “While in the physical form, gratitude and forgiveness are also valuable life principles for journeying into the Heart of Remembrance. Through gratitude one honors the gifts that unfold with every human encounter and through forgiveness one lets go of resistance and attachment, two major generators of emotional pain while in the Form. Gratitude embraces the gift and forgiveness creates the space for ongoing celebration and exploration into the Heart of Remembrance.” “Can you speak about the principle of reflection and action?” I asked. “Reflection can stimulate the awareness of multiple possibilities needed to encourage conscious actions. Actions become the vehicle through which an intention is put into motion. Again, , change is constant, but transformation is optional. In order to consciously experience the gifts likely to unfold while in the form, living through the principles of attention and intention, gratitude and forgiveness, reflection and action can be useful. ” “Are there any rules for this game you are suggesting?” I asked

“There are no rules, but rather suggestions. Begin by LISTENING!

Let Intuition Stimulate The Eternal Now Initiating Natural Grace

“Respond without reacting. Reflect before responding. This will assist you in becoming conscious of the narrow margins of social conditioning as an initial step for consciously transcending them. Other guidelines have been clearly defined by one of your teachers, Don Miguel Ruiz,” the Voice stressed. “What guidelines?” I inquired. “They include, to be impeccable with your word: speak your truth despite fear of being authentic. Do not make assumptions, be present with what is, and honor the wisdom of uncertainty. Do not take things personally; your true being is not bound by perceptions held by others or images perpetuated by ego-mind. Do your best in following some of his guidelines, recognizing that within your earthly encounters your best is relative to context and experience.” “I think I understand your suggestions and guidelines. Now, how do I play the game?” I asked.

“For the next forty days, set an intention to pay close attention to your interactions and exchanges with what you often refer to as ‘self and other.’ Daily, write your experiences down on paper in order to maximize your awareness of diverse perspectives and behavioral patterns observed through your encounters. Do not hold back when writing. Allow what is to be, to be. Yet, practice neutrality, inhale as you embrace the experience, and exhale as you let go. Three to five days after writing your experiences, create a ritual with a bonfire in which you burn that which you have written as symbolic of releasing it into the cosmos. Make sure that the fire has enough wood so that your written words experience the purification of the flame. Read the written content aloud prior to beginning the burning ritual. Take a moment to be silent, to contemplate on the experience or experiences. If the specific experience written generates old or new emotions and/or physical pain, practice forgiveness by silently asking for and sending forgiveness to ‘self or other’ for that which had occurred. You can simply state:

I forgive myself for any pain that I may have inflicted upon myself or others out of ignorance. I free myself from the past as I embrace unconditional love, acceptance, and the endless opportunities for remembrance available in this present moment. I forgive you for any pain that you may have created out of ignorance. I free you to go in peace.

Toss the written pages into the fire. Observe how the flames of the fire convert the paper into ashes. Take your time in ‘being’ in this process,” the Voice paused. “After you have conducted your initial fire ceremony, reflect and write about aspects of the encounters that you perceived as gifts or opportunities for raising your awareness. Practice Gratitude. Explore your gratitude within the specific events or experiences. What has been the lesson? What has been the gift? Answer these questions with the intention of encouraging necessary transformation. Attempt neutrality as you engage in what can be referred to as the practice of silence-wisdom; entering the moment through stillness, contemplating in the Now without an agenda, dissertation, or judgment. Inhale and exhale consciously. Allow the practice of silence-wisdom to assist you in the experience of harmony with what is, beyond confinement. Remain in the present through conscious breathing, inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the

mouth. Allow that which is revealed through this practice to guide your conscious actions,” the Voice stopped. “You are asking me to do this for forty days; why forty days, rather than a week?” I witnessed my resistance as I asked. “This could be the most rewarding time that you take for yourself. I am not commanding you. I am encouraging you. Forty days provides the opportunity to have enough earthly time for old patterns to come to the surface, be consciously recognized, explored, and released. You might be surprised at the outcome. This may become a way of life, a practice beyond forty days. Besides, what do you have to lose?” “You don’t understand. I often do not have much time to do everything that I need to accomplish. My time is often consumed by various responsibilities.” “Your perception of time is interesting. Can you really give that which you say you do not have? Are you truly present in your relationships? Or are you simply going through the motions, being physically there but often not accessible to the realm of true intimacy?” I felt confronted. I began to observe my tendency to react rather than respond. “Why don’t you practice what you preach, ‘time management?’ It can be useful to practice the techniques that you have taught your students when they feel pressed for time,” the Voice stressed in a humorous tone. “Are you a clown now?” I replied as I smiled, recognizing the truth in such a statement. “Krishna,” the Voice called with tenderness. “This is an invitation, not a requirement. You do not have to choose right now. Take the day to reflect on this conversation.” Then the Voice continued, “See this as a game, where there are no losers or winners, but, rather, an attempt at being and becoming.” “Okay. Although I can witness much resistance, I will try this game beginning tomorrow; however, I do not guarantee that I will complete it successfully.” “Again, choices create experiences,” the Voice responded. “Just simply notice the impact of each choice.”

Again, I felt my mind’s resistance to such an invitation. Yet, I reflected on the opportunity to penetrate the walls of the armor surrounding my heart. A journey into the Heart of Hearts seemed inevitable if the goal was to create peace within myself, a peace that can serve as an instrument for the manifestation of true love and intimacy. The choice was clear. I had nothing to lose. This day ed quickly, and I felt the most conscious ever. I looked forward to what the days ahead would bring now that I had set an intention and began an active commitment.

Great Mystery, I ask for the wisdom found in uncertainty wholeness found in emptiness, and completeness experienced in the infinite space between thoughts kg

CHAPTER 6

♥ Synchronicity ♥

No Coincidence

I stood up from the bed as I took a deep breath. I began walking toward the living room when the phone rang. It was a familiar voice, yet I could not totally recognize the caller. “Tin,” the person said. I have not been identified by that name for many years. “Tin” was a nickname from my childhood. “Who is this?” I asked. “A secret irer from your past,” the person responded. We both giggled. “Come on, Big Head, don’t tell me that you don’t know who this is,” the person said. Right away, I knew. It was Alejandro who also nicknamed me Big Head. “Is this Big Foot?” “Yes, Big Head.” We both laughed out loud. I had met Alejandro when I was eleven years old. Three years after my father died in a car accident, my mother and I moved into a new neighborhood. Alejandro was one of the boys with whom I felt the closest during my teenage years. He always had a joke, even when times were rough. He had named me Big Head after accidentally banging his forehead against mine during a basketball game, resulting in his getting a gigantic bump. Soon after, the neighborhood kids began calling me Big Head as well. Alejandro’s nickname was “Big Foot.” He often played basketball, rode his

skateboard, or ran barefooted. His feet were strong and enormous. Through our phone conversation, I learned that Alejandro was now married with two children. He was working as a self-taught auto mechanic and was currently living in a three-bedroom apartment a few miles away from his family of origin. He talked about his two daughters and his spouse with tenderness. Even from thousands of miles away, I could feel the love this man had for his family. Something felt different about Alejandro. The words he spoke and the ease with which he shared his feelings without hesitation created a level of intimacy never before experienced in our relationship. We talked about the good old days on the basketball court, for that was how we knew each other best. Our conversation was a journey down memory lane. In part, it felt like an opportunity for dismantling some unfinished business while being presented with a chance to embrace a new moment. “Big Head, do you the time we played basketball in a rainstorm? It was so late and dark.” “I will never forget that night. I will always treasure that time, as neither the rain, wind, nor lightning could have stopped us from running the court. We were like wild cats.” While reflecting back, I recognized our time that night at the basketball court was a turning point in my life. It was one of those moments in life that if I had made a different decision, my life would have taken a different course, maybe for the worse. “I never said this to you, but I felt afraid, you were thinking crazy things,” Alejandro stated. “I was determined to run away to a place where nobody knew me. I was only thirteen yet I felt so much older. I will always be thankful for your humor. It was comforting and helped me change my mind. I have often wondered what would have happened if I had gone ahead with my plan.” “I guess we will never know,” Alejandro stated. Growing up, Alejandro and I hardly ever spoke about our pain, although we

were very familiar with each other’s adversities. At the basketball court, pain was an illusion and our spirits were filled with bliss and ecstasy as we released the stress generated by life’s circumstances. “So, Big Head, how are things going for you?” Alejandro asked. Alejandro’s question reminded me of my agreement to follow the Voice’s suggestion. It had been five day since I had consciously begun to engage in the Planetary Game. So far, I had been a ‘good player,’ although not always proud of my findings. My journal was filling up with words reflecting tendencies to avoid intimate conversations and sharing truthfully. The need to work on my impeccability while in conversation with others seemed to be reaching a critical point. Another opportunity was presented through Alejandro’s question, and I took it. “I have been in a place of much self-reflection; reflecting on my life changes, beliefs, and experiences. I have three wonderful children: Isaiah, Elijah, and Rhiannon. I love them tremendously. I am divorced and navigating through the wisdom of uncertainty. I have been going through some interesting experiences. They are hard to explain.” “Try me,” Alejandro requested. “I feel like I was sleeping for a long time,” I continued. “Suddenly, I am beginning to wake up. It is like being haunted by a past that does not fit into the present. Have you ever felt that way?” I asked. “It is like waking up from a dream, or should I say, a nightmare that you want to release, yet it feels almost impossible,” Alejandro added. I was surprised by Alejandro’s response and insight. I had never heard him communicate with such depth. He spoke with confidence and tenderness. Was Alejandro’s phone call a coincidence or a form of synchronicity reminding me that transformation/Remembrance is possible? “I have felt what you are describing for quite some time and as a result have engaged in an exploration of what my life experiences have offered me.” Alejandro went on. “That was why about a week ago, I decided to your mother and asked her for your phone number and address. I was feeling you very strongly. I guess there are no coincidences, but rather synchronicity.”

“I am glad you ed me,” I responded. “Interestingly enough, last week I was having a conversation with a friend and your name came up.” “Nothing happens by accident,” Alejandro claimed. “It is Divine Appointment, or synchronicity, that reminds us of the wisdom found in uncertainties. Our life paths were meant to cross again.” Alejandro’s certainty felt nurturing. I felt a sense of truth and empowerment as he spoke. He seemed clear and intentional. “I wonder why we hardly ever shared about our challenges growing up,” I stated. “We were children,” Alejandro replied. “We acted out our experiences. Basketball was our outlet. Besides, talking is overrated,” he stated as we both cracked up. “Your sense of humor has not changed much,” I said. “Like they say, some things never change.” I hesitated, then intuitively I felt a strong urge to share with Alejandro my experiences with the Voice. I recounted each exchange including the last one, when I committed to the Planetary Game. I shared detailed information about the commitment that I had made for forty days. Alejandro listened attentively and then responded with excitement. “Our experiences are synchronized. I was told that I was not the only one encountering a Voice, but that the Voice exists within each of us. It is only a matter of our making a choice,” Alejandro stated. “What? You as well?” I asked. “Yes. Tin, I had my first encounter with this Voice about three years ago. Initially, it was scary, the most frightening thing I have ever experienced in my life. I felt that I was losing my mind. I even went to see a psychiatrist who prescribed medication for me. For months, I felt numb. Then, one day I was walking in the park near my house and I saw James.” “What do you mean you saw James? You mean Jimmy? Jimmy has been dead

for years,” I stated. “Yes, I know,” Alejandro replied. I was disturbed by Alejandro’s response. “But…” “Yes, I know,” Alejandro interrupted me before I could finish my sentence. “Tell me what happened?” I asked. Alejandro hesitated before telling me, “Someone sitting down resting against a tree called out my name. The voice was familiar, but I did not recognize the face, he was so young. As I moved closer I realized that it was Jimmy, my legs gave out. I dropped to the ground and began to cry. He embraced me with his hands, caressing my hair as tears flowed down my cheeks. The moment felt surreal, I thought I was hallucinating. Imagine, actually seeing someone who has been dead for years.”

‘Do not be afraid,’ Jimmy said. ‘I come as a reminder that universal Truth is not confined by what can be seen. I am as real as your flesh, even though I exist in a different realm. The Voice that you have heard is the calling of your soul to reawaken you to Divine Union. Truth and Spirit will guide your path and set you free from the illusion of separation.’

Alejandro continued, “Suddenly, the image of Jimmy disappeared. After this ittedly surreal encounter, I stopped that medication and began to trust. At the beginning, it was challenging, but as time ed my experiences with the Voice intensified. The more I practiced what the Voice suggested, the more I began to live. I have never been so clear and alive.” “Have you continued to have encounters with the Voice?” I asked. “Yes, regularly. I recognize now that the Voice is an extension of me. It is the continuum that unifies the physical realm with non-ordinary reality.” “What has the Voice shared with you?” I questioned with great interest.

“Days after my experience with Jimmy, the Voice came back, this time with stronger messages. The Voice stated that a mass movement in consciousness has been evolving with the intention of promoting Remembrance within the context of physical realms of existence. This Remembrance will transform the human sense of separation from the inseparable, Divine Truth. The Voice stressed to me:”

The I Am Presence of every being–man, woman, and child–has been preparing to transform the human race into a profound frequency of truth, healing light, and divine possibilities. While the earth has always experienced beings operating through Divine Intelligence, some beings have fallen asleep through human conditions, reflected in human greediness, self-indulgence, addictions, wars, and ultimately suffering.

“Wow, I feel it! Did the Voice share anything else?” I asked. “The Voice went on to say that we are beings of light expressed in human form but many have forgotten we are one in Spirit and uniquely expressed in multiple forms. Forgetfulness of our Divine Union, or oneness, has given rise to the sense of separation often ruling our lives through mental messages of mine-yours, better-worse, either-or, superior-inferior. Spirit, the Voice indicated, is available to guide us into the space of ing our true Divine Nature. The Voice described oneness as an infinite puzzle in which each piece becomes part of the whole.” The message shared by Alejandro touched me deeply. I could relate to the sense of forgetfulness. Often, I have acted indifferently toward the needs of others, sometimes feeling completely opposite, separated, even superior. Other times, while comparing myself to my notion of other, I have felt a sense of inferiority to the point of engaging in self-destructive behaviors. The sense of not being good enough, and the experience of ‘mine versus yours’ has not been foreign in my life. Although I have experienced glimpses of the power of comion within the context of vulnerability as well as moments of feeling what could be considered divine understanding, I had have also major moments of falling asleep into human greed, self-indulgence, chaos, and addictions.

“What other messages has the Voice revealed?” I asked Alejandro with great curiosity and anticipation. “The Voice has indicated that as human beings, we are all being called to participate in manifesting realms of Illuminated Truth while cleansing and dismantling conditional human patterns that restrict endless possibilities. This includes the mental sense of not-good-enoughness that often dictates our choices. The Voice expressed that we are being exposed to multiple opportunities to recognize a tendency to live oblivious to the synchronicity occurring moment-to-moment in human interactions and exchanges.” As Alejandro spoke, I briefly reflected on how I have observed selfless acts of unconditional loving kindness creating opportunities for transcending fears and notion of separation. The lives of people such as Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Mother Teresa, among others, serve as ideals. “The Voice also shared that some beings have become consciously willing to serve as Light-Workers,” Alejandro continued. “They have sustained courage and a commitment to serve as vehicles holding frequencies of limitless energies/unconditional love. Their commitments have assisted in bridging a gap between conventional reality and transcendent wisdom. Their tireless efforts and level of clarity have been fruitful, as the mass movement in consciousness has strengthened. Light-Workers are not immune to human pain, the Voice told me. They have simply learned, and continue to strengthen their ability, to address discordant frequencies of energy that encourage harmful, compulsive, and addictive behavioral patterns attempting to interrupt their experience of the I Am Presence.” Alejandro concluded. “The Voice once stated to me that humanity is being presented with divine understanding and tools in order to alter dreadful behavioral blueprints and retreats into the experience of Remembrance, where all initiation begins, all prayers are answered, and actions are guided. The Voice instructed me that it is time to anchor our intention through a daily spiritual practice in order to transform those subconscious tendencies that tend to suppress our potential and never-imagined capabilities. Are you also playing the Planetary Game?” I asked eagerly. “For over two years now,” Alejandro responded. “It no longer feels like a game, but rather a way of life.”

“Has it been difficult?” I asked. “Initially, I felt that way. My mind resisted forcefully; however, as I have continued the practice, the commitment has become easier. To some degree, the Planetary Game has become a conscious ritual or daily routine. Through this practice, I have discovered patterns in my life that have caused tremendous harm, chaos, and pain. I have, more importantly, experienced emotional and mental healing as well as what I call major life miracles.” “Alejandro, I am so happy that you called. I am amazed by what you shared and feel grateful that our paths have crossed again. I hope that this conversation is not our last one. I would like to keep in touch.” “Me too.” “I have to go now. I have to wake up the kids and prepare their lunches.” “Well, my old friend, let’s keep in touch,” Alejandro responded. “We will.” As I hung up the phone I felt determined to continue my commitment and face the day with intentionality, following one of the rules of the Planetary Game. I felt my spirit being re-activated and my awareness being altered and amplified. My conversation with Alejandro had taken me back to our childhood and to a place where we had not been together before. As the day went on, I reflected on that conversation, feeling grateful for the gift provided by his attention and intention. Many memories, relived in my heart, were felt throughout my body. Today was lived with much intention, promoting renewal and courage to surrender into the arms of Divine Wisdom. Before falling asleep, I became aware of those areas in my life where the practice of gratitude was required. From this space, I writing another letter to my mother.

Dearest Mother,

We have traveled through many adventures. Regardless of the emotions generated by these experiences, I am a reflection of your optimal gift, Love. You have done the best that you could with what you knew and what you have and for that, I am grateful. I honor you, dearest one, for your willingness to birth me; I am here. I honor you, dearest one, for your willingness to guide me through difficult times; I have become a man. I honor you, dearest one, for your willingness to love me; I have experienced being the beloved. I honor you, dearest one, for your willingness to go the extra mile; I am learning comion. I honor you, dearest one, for your willingness to let go; I have continued to grow as I travel through the wisdom of uncertainty and into the Heart of Remembrance. I honor you, dearest one, for your willingness to forgive; I am learning about freedom. I honor you, dearest one, for your willingness to celebrate my accomplishments; I am learning to trust. I honor you, dearest one, for your willingness to see me; I am learning to accept. I honor you, dearest one, for your willingness to feel deeply; I am learning to follow intuition. I honor you, dearest one, for your willingness to live simply; I am learning to simply be! Mother, my heart dances with you. I can see you. I love you. Your son, Krishna .

Then into the dream world I went.

Attention provides the focus. Intention directs the action. kg

CHAPTER 7

♥ Attention And Intention ♥

Vision and Awareness

I sat by the oak tree as I had many other nights, writing while hoping for another conversation with the Voice. Four days had ed since my reconnection with Alejandro. I had conducted two fire rituals since I committed to the Planetary Game . In a short time, much had come up to be released. The practice of intention and attention had led to the discovery and rediscovery of areas in need of both conscious forgiveness and expressing gratitude. I felt surprised that I had been totally engaged in my commitment. I reflected on some of Alejandro’s words. He had said, “I have discovered patterns in my life that have caused tremendous harm, chaos, and pain. I have, more importantly, experienced emotional and mental healing as well as what I call major life miracles.” A miracle is what I felt I needed. Throughout this day, I felt overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions. It had been a roller coaster ride, with drastic ups and down. I found myself constantly reacting to events at work and home, one moment upset and another moment feeling mindful or laughing outrageously. As I wrote about my experiences of the day, a desire to feel in control began to surface. I wanted to be in command of my thoughts. After all, many of the spiritual books I read and teachers I encountered seemed to promote the notion that “your thoughts create your reality.” If my reality was entirely created by my thoughts, I was definitely in trouble. “I see that you are struggling,” the Voice whispered as my frustration intensified. Apparently, I still believed that I needed to control the process in order to change something. “Wrestling with thoughts?” the Voice asked.

“How can I change my life when thundering waves of thoughts come uninvited into my mind?” I asked in desperation. For a moment the Voice was silent. “Perhaps it is not about being in control. Rather, simply allow the notion of Self to experience Being. Allow what is to be transformed through the power of full engagement, as you set your intention to full neutrality. , your thoughts will change. This does not necessarily mean transformation. Like the seasons, winter comes, winter goes, and ultimately winter comes again. The essence of who you are is already in command; in a constant space of Being. There is no need for control.” “What do you mean?” I asked. “There is a difference between being in control and trusting in your inner ability to responsibly reply to an experience,” the Voice noted. “While attempting to be in control, one may neglect an opportunity to experience the endless possibilities that the moment may bring.” The Voice continued, “The need to be in control is the ego-mind’s attempt at avoiding its own defeat, constructing and reconstructing the illusion of dominance and normalcy. Can control be sustained when nothing is static? Perhaps the attempt to control is fortified by the illusion of those moments in which the mind thought that it was in control.” There was silence. “But, how may I direct transformation without a degree of control?” I asked impatiently as I began to feel that I was drowning within the restriction of thoughts. “Control has nothing to do with transformation. Choice, however, is always a good option. You can choose to resist with the understanding that the experience is likely to persist or choose to surrender, witnessing letting go. Surrender is not ive. It is a constant action for releasing what no longer serves. , there is no emptiness that is not already fulfilled or void that is not already whole. The mother of your children once expressed it very beautifully when she defined surrender as:

Sweet Now Unfathomable Disclosing Relief Eternal Rising Reality Everywhere

“As you have observed through the Planetary Game, change is constant and inevitable. Whether you feel in control or not, things, contexts, experiences, and people will change. Keep in your awareness that perhaps your ultimate goal is not change, rather transformation, as we have previously discussed.” “Please elaborate. It seems to be a matter of semantics,” I stated with skepticism. “Attempting to promote transformation from a space of control is a set-up for disappointment. Control is based on manipulation and reactions that confine your choices. Control is often encouraged by doubt and disbelief. It is defensive, not receptive. Can you relate?” the Voice asked. “The fact is that my thoughts often run like wild horses in an endless field,” I stated. “Like facts, thoughts change. Your true essence, however, is absolute and infinite,” the Voice responded. “I don’t really understand,” I said feeling distress. “My child, close your eyes,” the Voice suggested, and I complied. “Breathe. Breathe. Breathe consciously. Imagine being by the ocean listening to the waves. Feel the wind caressing your body as you rest on the sand. Continue to breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Visualize each uncomfortable thought as it is gently released. Silently, tell yourself, ‘As I inhale, I connect with Source; I enter into a sacred union with the frequency of Divine Truth. As I exhale, I let go of any mental barriers, limitations, and fears disturbing my wellness and ability to be present in the Now.’ Do this for a few minutes.” As I practiced what was suggested, I felt the muscles in my body relaxing. The mental tension began to disappear. After about ten minutes, I opened my eyes and my distress was gone. “I feel I am gaining awareness. I seem to want to change the symptom rather than transform the experience. Through time, I will transform.” “In Form, time is chronological and real. For Spirit, time is an illusion,” the Voice stated. “Thus, transformation occurs within the Now. In the Now, allow

unconditional comion to serve as a light channel that would mediate the transition from forgetfulness to remembrance, separation to oneness, pain to healing, doing to being, and for that matter death to rebirth. These are the energies of the Divine Creator, which already reside in you, for you, as you.” “Sometimes, I become overwhelmed by the multiple thoughts running through my mind. It becomes hard to be in the Now,” I said. “Sometimes, I feel my thoughts are creating my reality.” “Thoughts do not create reality, but rather your sense of reality is created through your chronic attachment to thoughts. One cannot control the waves of the ocean. Yet, one may experience them without becoming them. Thoughts are like waves. They come and go. Through your daily practice of attention and intention you can learn to navigate through your thoughts, allowing for the Law of Attraction to take its course,” the Voice paused. “Besides, Spirit does not need to be in control; it is control itself, permitting multiple human experiences to unfold into perceptions of realities,” the Voice stated. “Earlier you mentioned something about ‘replying responsibly to experiences.’ What did you mean?” I asked. “It is responding from the heart, not the intellect, using the mind as a tool and not a master. It is relying on your spirit for guidance. It is living with certain principles; principles that move your human experiences beyond conventional realities and fragmented levels of consciousness into a space of wholeness, transcending the limitations of the physical realms into the Infinite Now,” the Voice observed. “What kind of principles? Are you referring to the principles of Attention and Intention, Forgiveness and Gratitude, Stillness and Action?” I asked curiously. “I am referring to the ultimate principle of unconditional/absolute love in which one experiences holiness, grace, and harmony with everything observed, felt, touched, tasted, heard, sensed, and smelled. The principles of Intention and Attention, Forgiveness and Gratitude, Stillness and Action serve as guides for your journey into union with the frequency of absolute Truth, Divine Love,” the Voice became silenced.

For a moment, I felt the simplicity of life, an experience that too often seems complicated. Then again, my mind interrupted, “What about pain and human suffering, hatred, oppression, and adversity?” “What about it?” the Voice asked in return. “How do we address these experiences?” I inquired “Similar to surrender, unconditional love is proactive. It encourages pain and suffering to transform into healing. It encourages people to act ‘response-ably.’ It does not encourage those actions that promote unnecessary human agony. It is not attached to a reward; it is the reward itself. It is not attached to change; it is transformation in the making. Unconditional love is courageous, encouraging, and ultimately the source of all healing,” The Voice instructed. My heart felt a sense of familiarity with the information shared but my mind kept searching for clarification. For a moment, I was able to observe how deeply rooted my conditions have been. “What shall I do? I feel like I am losing my mind.” “That may not be a bad idea after all,” the Voice replied with humor. “How would I let go completely of attachment to a past that has kept me from fully living in the present? How can I entirely banish my inner demons, strengthened by old beliefs, values, and norms? How may I gain the ability to be in full neutrality without becoming my experiences, my emotions; let go and let be?” “Live a moment at a time. Ultimately, that is all you have,” the Voice replied. “But, what about…,” The Voice interrupted me, “Your questions are all important, and with time each of them will be answered. They appear to be a set-up by the ego-mind to continue a logical exploration. Watch the mind as it searches for glimmerings of understanding that will fit its intellect instead of stepping into a trustworthy but unidentified journey to the Heart of Hearts. Ask yourself, who is the ‘I’ who asks?” the Voice paused. “Resting your body and quieting the mind may not be a bad idea. Allow the power of silence to penetrate the volcanic eruption pounding

in your mind,” the Voice informed. “Set your attention and intention a moment at a time, and you will experience the power of full engagement. Surrender to the Infinite Now.” I lay my back on the ground as I closed my eyes. I focused my attention on my breath, inhaling and exhaling as if they were my first and last breaths. Then my mind became calm and willing to serve as a tool rather than a master. I experienced a sense of clarity. Suddenly, images of life decisions and experiences began to flow freely and uninvited. There was no attachment to those thoughts, just a focus on the breath. Again, I became the observer of what appeared to be a movie playing on a big screen. I played the lead role. I could see how many of my beliefs, values, ideas, and life philosophies had enslaved and bound me to choices that negatively interfered with many of my experiences. I saw how fear has been my greatest motivator. I saw how I had lived in my comfort zones, continuing vicious cycles, repeating restrictive thoughts and perpetuating cognitive patterns that often led to harmful results. As these images came and went, I could see how a sense of not being ‘good enough’ colored many of my decisions and experiences. The outside world faithfully reflected my inner struggles. The flow of my life force or transcending energies, which the Voice had spoken about, has been blocked and stagnant. The transition from childhood to adulthood reflected tumultuous years of pain. I could see how my childhood’s pure innocence, clarity, and sense of connectedness were blinded by my false images of manhood. I could see how these false images of manhood had bound me to the beating post of egotism. I could see how my restless egomind always demanded, although regardless of outcome, I never experienced full satisfaction. For the ego-mind, there was never enough. “Go with the flow, don’t resist,” the Voice suggested. “Surrender to the moment as you set the intention for Remembrance.” I observed my inner thoughts crashing. The weakest thoughts collapsed without warning, while the stronger thoughts struggled for survival. I observed instability, confusion, and energy blocks. It was survival of the fittest. As the observer, however, I felt a sense of serenity and empowerment. There was no need to control. There was no need to fight and survive. I began to experience each thought through a sense of neutrality. Transformation/Remembrance was occurring before my eyes, strengthening my awareness. The veil of ignorance was slowly being removed. As I gradually opened my eyes I felt centered, trusting, and empowered.

“You have done well,” said the Voice. “Continue to be kind to yourself. As you have learned, you do not have to control your thoughts to achieve your intention. Experiences unfold effortlessly when you do not interfere. , you are Spirit in human form and human form has its restrictions, beginning with the ego-mind, but the ultimate ‘You’ is limitless.” No more words were spoken. After a while, I stood up and stretched my arms to the sky. The night was filled with stars and a full moon. I felt a current of air. The night was getting colder. I walked toward the house and the ghostlike whitebreasted owl flew off from his perch several trees away. Although I had not been fully aware of its presence, I sensed it had been there throughout the night. I saluted it as it circled around the house three times before leaving for its next destination. Was the number of circles symbolic of something? I thought silently. “Life, death, rebirth,” the Voice responded softly. I then entered the house with a sense of stillness and harmony.

As I let go, endless possibilities are embraced. kg

CHAPTER 8

♥ Forgiveness And Gratitude ♥

Releasing and Embracing

I t was time to conduct another fire ritual. Although it was early morning, the children would not be home until late that afternoon. I had about four hours to myself. I took my journal out and briefly read some of the writing I had done during the past few days. I could witness much growth in my ability to be authentic and allow myself to experience the power of full engagement. As I prepared the fire, I flashed back to an experience from several days earlier when I had awakened feeling a sense of neutrality: No attachment or detachment. Every question or statement that traveled through my mind was met with a “so what?” response. So you have a meeting today that can result in a contract to make extra money this summer. So what. So you are planning a vacation with the children. So what, again. And so on and on. The lesson became clear after a conversation with the Voice before the end of that day: “Different meanings given to an experience create diverse expectations and diverse expectations often generate distinctive effects.” Through this recognition, I began to witness how often I tried to give meaning to experiences that were beyond the mind’s ability to measure its absolute existence. In doing so, I had often become dogmatic, making it difficult to enter into what the Voice had once referred to as “the wisdom that exists in uncertainty.” As I conducted the fire ritual during this morning I was humbled as the flames burned the pages feeding its visual existence. An opportunity for self-forgiveness was generated through this ritual, resulting from conscious reflections/stillness that guided my attention and intention. The opportunity was there and I took action. “I forgive myself for the pain that I have inflicted as a result of ignorance and reliance on conventional consciousness,” I whispered to the fire as I burned the pages and tossed purifying sage on top of the fire.

The more awareness I gained, the more gratitude I felt. Awareness created a space to explore options that I could not see before: Options reflected opportunities to make choices from a space of Remembrance and less from a space of accumulative behavioral patterns. I wrote about my sense of gratitude and burned these pages as well. My ultimate purpose as I engaged in this ritual was Remembrance through the practice of neutrality. I sat in silence observing the flames. The luminosity promoted additional reflection. It was as if the brightness of the fire was glowing in me. Purification was in the making. As the fire burned, I recalled some relationships with the women in my life. I picked up the paper and pen and began to write again:

Thank you for the light that radiates within your being as well as shadows that at times were promoted through moments of forgetfulness. In this moment of reflection, I can see that we are all in this Planetary Game together. From this space, I thank each of you for all the lessons we have encountered through our interactions and exchanges. I also ask for forgiveness for any pain I may have caused while navigating through moments of ignorance. As mothers, daughters, sisters, nieces, cousins, beloveds, and friends, each has reflected the gift of birth —the birth of life filled with infinite possibilities. Thank you for your willingness to be devoted to the journey of love, balance, and alignment with Divine Truth. Through a space of gratitude, I also release any resentment I may have carried in my heart and offer forgiveness for any of the pain you may have caused while traveling through the vibration of forgetfulness. A special thanks to you, my partner Kerry, for journeying with me into the space of Remembrance. To you, Mother, thanks for giving me birth. I could not have chosen anyone else but you for this task. We have co-created multiple experiences to grow as we learn to love unconditionally. My heart sees and celebrates you. To you, Sisters, each of you has been a gift from the Great Creator. Your ability to laugh, cry, and celebrate life has been an inspiration. Thank you for nurturing me during moments of darkness as well as challenging me to stand up and walk again. To you, Daughter, my heart dances with gratitude for your manifestation. Thanks for reflecting unconditional love, acceptance, patience, and for being the transformation and the wisdom that often inspires my journey. Your light brightens my life in ways that words would never be able to describe. To you, Nieces, thank you for your unconditional love

and acceptance. Each of you fills my heart with joy. To my Past Lovers, my heart beats to the sound of your radiant drums. Thank you for entering my magnetic field and planting seeds of love, harmony, and Remembrance as well as opportunities for expansion. To my Women Friends, thank you for reflecting a magnitude of experiences all within Divine Order. My heart expresses gratitude for each of you, as well as for your ability to love, create, and transform. Thank you for the gift being reflected within our co-existence.”

As I completed the writing, I looked at the fire again. Its flame seemed to call upon the pages that I had just filled with words. As I gently placed the pages on top of the flame, their burning reflected purification and then the notion of letting go, as all that remained was ashes. A task was accomplished. A moment ended as a new one began. I stood up and walked toward the house with a sense of contentment. It was now another moment, time to make dinner.

♥

When the children came home, we sat down to eat dinner. While at the dinner table, I recognized that my commitment to the Planetary Game had become easier as time ed. It had been twenty-three days since I began to play the game. I had allowed for quiet time, breathing and observing without reacting to the processes of the mind. I had written much about my experiences. With each act of writing, my awareness had increased. I had witnessed how challenging it is to live in the present without attachments to a past or future. I had observed how my mind often betrays me, making me bang my head with self-defeating thoughts that were often followed by behaviors that promoted unnecessary pain. I had also examined the importance of trusting the process that emerges when attempting to live consciously. These glimpses of awareness and trust had made the Planetary Game a living journey, with breakthroughs. I had conducted a number of fire rituals since my commitment to consciously observe and record my interactions and exchanges. The symbolism of burning

the perceptions and meanings given to particular experiences had generated a sense of hope as well as provided inspiration to continue journeying into the Heart of Remembrance. Old wounds had been unwrapped and unfinished business had been intentionally recognized. This journey seemed endless yet reachable the more I allowed healing to take its course. Dinner was delicious so I had a little too much to eat. I felt restless. My body needed some movement. The idea of going for a walk felt attractive. I extended the invitation to my children but each of them declined. I began my walk alone when suddenly the Voice spoke. “Hello, friend, you have done well,” the Voice greeted me with a sense of pride, as a parent may greet a child. “Sometimes, meeting face to face with the notion of one’s past is all that is needed in order for patterns to be revealed, addressed, and let go. Your experiences have provided you with many gifts,” the Voice noticed. “I wish the gifts would have been less overwhelming,” I said playfully. “But, then again who knows how my life would have turned around if my experience had been different.” “Your ‘overwhelming gifts’ as you called them, and your ability to recognize and honor them, can stretch your capacity to feel comion in the midst of human suffering,” the Voice replied. “You seem to have an answer for everything, don’t you?” I responded, again playing around. “From the space where I stand, there are no answers, only an inner knowing that reflects an understanding that every event, experience, and exchange is a divine appointment filled with possibilities. Human encounters are not necessarily positive or negative from the eyes of Spirit. They are what they are, nothing more and nothing less.” “I can sense that my awareness is expanding,” I communicated as I reached the playground. I sat on one of the swings waiting for the Voice to continue. I looked around. I could not see another person, only a few dogs sleeping in a corner. “Your internal sun is rising, regardless of the darkness of the night,” the Voice stated. “Its radiance will light the path to your fundamental nature. As you fully

experience Remembrance, there will no longer be a need to rely on a false self created by human conditions.” “Please explain.” “When you look at your life, you can see that your experiences are often confined within the context of human identities: Being a ‘man’ identified with a particular sexual orientation, ethnicity, etc. is part of the human image of self that you call identity. Your fundamental nature, your essence, transcends these restricted identities, and vibrates at a different frequency, thereby altering your consciousness and freeing you from old patterns and rigid routines. Although the human identities serve a role in your human encounters, your attachment to them confines your choices and experiences.” As the Voice spoke, I mind went back to memories of childhood experiences. While changes had been occurring, and I was learning to live in the now, the past continued to hunt me. Living in severe poverty greatly influenced my perspective on life. The first house I was just a room where my two sisters, brother, and I slept on one side in bunk beds and my mother and father on the other side in a bed barely big enough for both of them. The bathroom was an outhouse, a latrine as we called it, and cooking was like my current experiences with campfires. The community was composed of paternal relatives: Aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents all living in similar conditions. Going to sleep hungry at times during my childhood was not uncommon. Yet, my identification with poverty did not seem to stress me out as much as the violence experienced around me. My father’s drinking problem, constant physical abuse, as well as multiple forms of community violence, all shaped my sense of reality as being one of survival, not one of safety. I eventually learned to medicate my feelings and emotions through the use of diverse mind-altering substances, which, although readily available, did not include alcohol, the drug of choice of my father, a man I promised myself I would never be like. My body no longer felt pain, but rather numbness. The innocence of childhood was devastated by engaging in youth gangs. Many years have ed and a number of amendments had been made. Forgiveness has served as a vehicle for liberation. Some scars continued to need attention.

“Welcome back,” the Voice stated. “Your transparent heart has nothing to hide. It is and has always been pure, regardless of the armor created to block accessibility to its essence. Revelations of your human encounters as well as your willingness to let go and let be reflect the power that exists in vulnerability, your endurance while transcending adversities,” the Voice paused. “Forgive and be grateful. While forgiveness encourages transcendence into the Heart of hearts, gratitude reflects your heart life force. Continue to use forgiveness and gratitude as two of the principles helping you unfold into your fundamental nature. , human encounters are not necessarily predicaments to be explained and understood, but rather mysteries to be lived to their fullness. It is about conscious choice and recognition of the power of vulnerability,” the Voice stressed as I listened attentively. My heart felt lifted up by these words. In spite of a degree of skepticism in my mind, I felt empowered. I began to ask a question, “How would I…,” but was interrupted by the Voice. “As stated by your human teacher, Mahatma Gandhi, ‘Forgiveness is choosing to love. It is the first skill of self-giving love.’ Love requires no understanding, but rather gratitude,” the Voice suggested. I sensed that it was time for me to listen rather than to engage in a conversation marathon. “Recognize the gifts that have derived from each of your human relationships. Test the interplay between choice and surrender, intention and attention, action and stillness, gratitude and forgiveness, being and becoming,” the Voice recommended. “Can you elaborate?” I requested. “Within human contexts you are presented with a multitude of choices, options which influence the manifestation of diverse results,” the Voice continued. “Regardless of human experiences, recognizing the ability to choose can promote hope and redirect your human journey into a path that reflects your highest sole purpose. This can happen within a moment, the blink of an eye.” I took a deep breath as I continued to listen.

“The effect of choices that one makes can be revealed through an exploration of what you have often referred to as ‘human experiences,’” the Voice stressed. “While assessing your current human experiences, you may want to explore previous choices and the role they have played in constructing, deconstructing, and/or reconstructing your encounters. While exploring what you refer to as future possibilities, you may want to examine choices being made in the here and now. In doing so, you are likely to discover an interdependent pattern between choice and experience.” I remained sitting on the swing and could see an older woman walking toward me. For a moment I wondered how she got there. She appeared to be in her late seventies but when she sat on the swing moving back and forth, she had the spirit and strength of a younger woman. As I was about to leave she stopped swinging. “Hello, dear,” she greeted me with a smile. Her eyes projected a message that I could not initially understand. It was as if she could see in me, through me, and as me. I saw a light radiating from her body. Am I hallucinating? I questioned silently. I have never seen so much light around a person. “Hi,” I replied. “Why leaving so soon?” She asked. “Your lesson for tonight is not over yet.” “Excuse me, I don’t understand.” “I did not mean to interrupt the conversation,” she replied. How did she know that I was having a conversation? I thought to myself. “What is your name?” I asked. “I have none,” she replied. “How did you know that I was having a conversation?” I questioned. “Were you watching me from a distance? Where do you come from? I didn’t see you.” “You will see more when fully looking through the eyes of your heart,” she

responded. I was puzzled by her answer. Sensing she could see through me she added, “The Voice is you, the Voice is me, the Voice is the one who sets us free. To hear the Voice or to see physical manifestations of its carrier is also a choice. Choices do not have to be ed by logic or possible visible outcomes. Intuition, the bridge between the physical and non-physical worlds, often serves as the vehicle to evaluate and commit to specific choices,” she explicated. Then, her physical form began changing before my eyes. Her face began to reflect the faces of many of my family , close friends, acquaintances, as well as unfamiliar faces. I was speechless. Initially, a sense of fear ran through my body but then my spirit was filled with courage and strength. The physical form of the woman continued to change before my eyes from woman to man, from an adult to a child, from one skin color to another, and from an able-bodied person to one with a physical disability. “All your relationships are mirrors of who you are. Forgiving what appears to be an act committed by another is a form of self-forgiveness. , human beings are part of a larger infinite space of Oneness. Within a physical form, however, some restrictions are often experienced, among these is the notion of duality. Thus, the human form reflects a capacity to mirror wellness as well as vulnerability,” the entity explained. “Who are you?” I asked “Don’t you know me by now? I AM,” the Voice responded. “I am the Voice who has been with you all along. Different forms are different vehicles used for illustrating the ultimate Truth, Oneness. As stressed earlier, you and I are no different. Within the earthly consciousness, you have called me Higher Self. Others have referred to me as the I AM Presence. These titles are irrelevant.” Abruptly, there was nothing in front of me. All images, including the older woman, had completely disappeared. I found myself on the ground, not knowing if I had fallen off the swing or was

simply put there. I realized it did not matter. I stood up began the walk back home reflecting on forgiveness. I could observe the power of resentment. For years its poison had influenced my relationship with my notion of Self and Other. Due to my inability to forgive completely, my choices in current relationships seemed influenced by a projection of a past I feared to repeat; however, I had begun to glimpse the power of forgiveness, and intended to continue this path. I had enough courage to overcome fear and face pain with the intention of letting go. “You have gained much clarity,” the Voice returned as I continued my walk back home. “Yet, the work is not completed.” “I can see that,” I replied. “I am recognizing that I have suppressed many hurtful experiences. Nevertheless, I am remaining open and willing to release patterns no longer serving my path.” “I am here to serve,” the Voice verbalized. “I will never forsake you. I never have.” Continuing the comprehensive journey into my past felt essential in order to recognize and release anything holding me back. Throughout my life, I had a tendency to fantasize about what could have been, often denying the moment for what is was. Thus, further exploration was needed in order to clarify and distinguish what was perceived by my mind as realities and illusions. I was willing and committed to rely on Spirit to gain the wisdom to know the difference. There was a strong pull to move beyond my comfort zone, to take the risk to move into the wisdom of uncertainty; into that which my instincts have taught me to fear most. Only trust could move me forward as I rely on intuition. I had begun to recognize that what I previously labeled instincts were actually predispositions or tendencies influenced by human conditions, whereas my intuition was a direct link to natural endless awareness. When I returned home from my walk, I sat in the family room observing my children interacting with one another. My heart was filled with joy and an overpowering feeling of love. I felt blessed and honored by the presence of these three beings in my life. Their laughter was filled with an innocence that could purify any contaminated life force. Their eyes were full of wisdom and could penetrate any armor surrounding a heart. Their sense of humor served as a

reminder that healing painful human experiences could happen as we play. Effortlessly, they seemed to be able to go with the flow while remaining in the present, one moment at a time. Memories of how different my childhood experiences had been in comparison to those reflected in my children’s lives began scuttling through my mind. Momentarily low-spirited, as I continued to watch my children interact; my heart was overwhelmed by feelings of gratitude. As I looked at Isaiah, I thought about how wonderful our years together have been. Isaiah’s spirit has reflected much strength, courage, and wisdom throughout his life. He carries himself with confidence, something that I lacked during my youth. He is a reminder of the spiritual Warrior that dwells within each of us, even at times when such force seems foreign or inaccessible. His kindness can fill anyone’s heart with a sense of Welcome Home. Elijah is filled with magic, curiosity, and determination. His ability to stretch and move his body with seemingly little exertion can be compared to an eagle flying effortlessly high in the sky. He embodies ‘go with the flow.’ He is a perfect reminder of truth and honesty. He is a constant reminder to be authentic and impeccable with my words and actions. Then there is Rhiannon, the spirit of life, death, and re-birth. For Rhia, as we call her, the present moment is all there is. She is filled with innocence, purposefulness, fearless bravery, and insight. She is a reminder of the Goddess, the balance of Being and Doing, the power of Creation within the Now. As I continued to observe, Rhia approached me, kissed me on my lips, then smiled and returned to her fun. It seems as if she was extending her loving kindness, a comionate vibrating invitation to let go and let be in order to be alive in the present moment. What a wonderful reminder, I thought. She could see through me. “Thank you, Rhia,” I said silently. After my children went to bed, I felt called to spend additional time reflecting on some of my life experiences as well as my responses and the results. Although my body was tired, I felt a spiritual force keeping me awake and alert. Little did I know that the silence was about to reveal some clarification to several of the questions I had earlier in the day. The thought of statements made by a spiritual teacher I had many years ago persuaded me to stay alert. While in the process of dying, she expressed,

Change occurs in the Now. Be aware of your present experiences and responses to them in order to consciously determine your course of action. The past has to be explored within the context of the present in order to cultivate awareness of how those emotional or behavioral patterns that have not encouraged your spiritual reunification have been perpetuated. The future is also formed from the Now. From such a space, Now, one perpetuates patterns or engages in a process of new creation.

I have missed this old friend – teacher. Her wise words had continued to echo in my head. Clearly, I had perpetuated patterns from one relationship to another, especially during moment of forgetfulness. Knowing this, I felt the need to reflect on previous intimate relationships. While looking back, I witnessed how each of my intimate relationships have taught me valuable lessons, ranging from:

♥ the importance of recognizing one’s imperfections to acknowledging one’s gifts; ♥ learning when to say “No” as a form of self-respect to saying “Yes” to the freedom of others when feeling confined; ♥ the value of active listening, being able for one’s words and actions, to not taking responsibility for another person’s communication style and/or behaviors; ♥ the importance of honoring the balance of the feminine and masculine forces within and between us, the space of “Oneness” with all that is, to the recognition of individual expressions and uniqueness; as well as ♥ living with intentionality while attempting to stop the cycle of unnecessary suffering, and encouraging being in communion with love itself, to honoring each experience, regardless of its challenge, as an opportunity for growth;

to mention a few.

Looking back, I could see how, as individuals, we are often bound to multigenerational /societal traumas that often pulled us back to fabricated fears, doubt, and a sense of separation. I sensed that each of my relationships had been vital in my planetary journey. That we had seemed to come together through a sacred contract, sometimes to dismantle all of the false images that were attempting to diminish our esoteric soul existence and sometimes as a simple reminder of our beautiful soul’s mission while on this planet.

In one way or another, each of my relationships had contributed to my journey into the heart. On the verge of newness and rejuvenation each relationship had strengthened my commitment to removing any psychic hooks that often disturbed my ability to relate to others from a space of authenticity. This model required much commitment, awareness, honesty, and trust. The depth of such elements was foreign to me during my younger growing years. Through my intimate relationships, I was exposed to the importance of confronting many of my insecurities, fears, false images, lies, and inability to rely on Spirit. Each of my past intimate relationships, regardless of their challenges, had touched my spirit and much learning had occurred. After some reflection on my immediate relationships, I felt a strong urge to write and the first words I put on paper were:

Trust, trust, trust your heart. It is more accessible than ever before. Bring things to the surface, explore them, and observe their transformation.

I felt empowered with a sense of bravery by the words flowing through me. As I wrote I was reminded of an e-mail I received earlier from a great friend, Roberto Paez, which reflected synchronicity and read:

One can say that we are entering a time of redemption, a time when, ready or not, our petty attachments are being presented to us for review and reconsideration. Though difficult and even painful at times, this is occurring so that we can choose with loving awareness what is and what is not worthy of our attention. One can say that this stage of choosing is necessary if we are to step into the next level of spiritual evolution. In effect, we cannot move into a state of personal freedom until the things that hold us hostage have been revealed and released. Clarity and good intentions are not enough. One must be willing to take action for one’s life when the opportunity arises. I know that if it is in your heart to do so, you will be rewarded for accepting this extraordinary challenge.

Those words echoed in my mind as I continued to write to myself:

Dear Krishna, I come before you with an open heart, receptive to that which is yet to come and honoring that which is here. You have lived many lives throughout your physical evolution. You have been influenced by many teachers; some blinded by their own forgetfulness, sense of authority, and power of ignorance and others who have reflected the power of Remembrance, a truth beyond conventional boundaries. While the life forces of those shaped mostly by ignorance have generated a burning flame of grief, the energy vibrating by those living through a merciful awakened heart has cultivated a sense of direction, a vision into non-ordinary reality, a vision into a place called home.

As I continued, I observed my right hand holding and moving the pen and once again it seemed I was not the one controlling what was written.

Oh, my dear friend, I feel your confusion, your pain, your despair, and your hurt. Your spirit remains strong, filled with hope and wisdom. I feel your willingness to lose the chains that keep you bound to a past based on fear: fear of taking risk, fear of completely experiencing the moment, fear of living, fear of being fully alive. You often wish for that of which, as a child, you had little: Security. By doing so, you deny the wisdom of uncertainty. Your desire to fly is not far

from being heartily granted. It is time to let go of a life based primarily in selfdoubt, insecurity, and self-sabotage. It is time to trust the process. In trust, healing relies. The joy is in the journey. Let the shaman – guru – medicine within you assist in reclaiming your essence, your inherited spirit. The time has come to collect the pieces of your fragmented self. Your fragmented self is about to become whole.

Writing those words on paper was a fruitful experience. I saw and felt my fingers holding and moving the pen across the page and yet, the message seemed to spill out from a cup fuller than mine. I observed my mind wanting to make sense of this experience; however, I knew there was no need for this intellectualizing. Trust was all that was needed and self-love was all that I felt.

♥

One week had ed since I wrote those words. I could still feel the vibration from an eternal flame of life flowing throughout my body. After thirty days of playing the Planetary Game, my consciousness seemed to have shifted. It was late at night. I was sitting under the oak tree looking at the shining stars and moon above. I then visualized the radiant light of the sun penetrating the clouds that have often surrounded my heart, separating me from the clear guidance of my soul. The wind blew softly, yet steady and firm. As they actively moved and shifted with the speed of the current of air, the branches of the oak tree reflected the calmness and serenity that my heart longed for. As I lay on the ground I put a blanket around my body, warming my skin, and I allowed my thoughts to run free and without attachment. How little do I know about the universe that surrounds me, I considered. As I looked at the sky, I could see only a small glimpse of its magnitude. “Your spirit is no different than what you perceive when you look at the sky,” the Voice spoke. “The magnitude of your spirit is never-ending, beyond the visible and that which can be measured by the ego-mind. It is immortal and limitless. It

transcends the ego, or what you call personality, culture, or an identity based on boundaries. Your knowing of this Truth does not have to be as elusive as it has been throughout most of your human existence,” the Voice suggested. “I have been able to experience glimpses of Remembrance,” I responded. “Yet, I constantly feel pulled back to the space that I seem to know best—a space of fear and separation.” “Trust the knowledge you have gained. Be aware that you are not alone. There are many individuals actively engaged in the Planetary Game. Through ongoing commitment many have strengthened their practices, ing, moving beyond fear, and making themselves available to assist others. Surround yourself with their presence and teachings,” the Voice suggested. “, they will be mirroring your own potential and power within the illusion of separation. As stressed in previous conversations, through the eyes of Spirit there is no separation, there is only Oneness.” “I have also encountered teachers who do not seem to be clear channels. Should I reject them?” I questioned. “As you have observed, some of the teachers you have encountered reflect the notion of wounded healers, unable or unwilling to look at their own experience of pain, thus focusing most of their energy outward. Being comionate, they mirror human conditions in addition to a sense of separateness. Being able to hold the space for what appears to be one’s own pain increases the possibilities when one does it for the notion of Other and vice versa. There is no need for rejection. Pain does not discriminate and is universal within the human experience. This is reflected by the statement ‘No one is free when others are oppressed.’ Teachers who may not appear to be clear channels simply need acceptance and the space held for their own experience of transformation/Remembrance?” “Thank you for the reminder. My mind has been so conditioned to reject rather than embrace,” I responded. “And your mind is learning to be more receptive,” replied the Voice. “Continue your engagement in the tasks to which you have committed. Through the practice of Intention and Attention, Forgiveness and Gratitude, Stillness and Action, your intuition will be strengthened.”

I felt encouraged and ed by the message presented. I had sufficient substance to reflect on and decisions to make. The wind continued, the temperature had dropped. The cold penetrated the layers of fabric packaging my body. I felt heavy-eyed. Only a few hours remained before the darkness of the night would be replaced by the light of the day. Resting my body was inevitable.

May the past be a memory revealing moments of growth. May the notion of a future reflect endless possibilities. May the present be the Infinite Now encouraging full attention and intention. kg

CHAPTER 9

♥ Traveling Through Familiar Territories ♥

Opportunities for New Choices

I woke to the sound of the ringing phone. I looked at the clock; it was 6 a.m. on a Saturday. Only two hours had ed since I had fallen sleep. The children were not awake. My first thought was to allow the phone to ring, but the caller persisted as the phone stopped and began ringing again, I thought, who could be calling at this time? I picked up the phone, “Good morning.” All I could hear was a person desperately crying. “Hello?” I insisted. “Uncle it is me, Sophia. German was shot, he is in the hospital.” My niece Sophia could not stop crying. Other than understanding that my nephew was shot and in the hospital, I could not make sense of the rest of her message. An emotional pain invaded my entire body. I willed myself to breathe slowly and consciously, grounding my emotions. For a moment part of me wished that the person in the hospital was me and not German. I wanted to carry the pain that many of those who love German seemed to be experiencing at that moment. Nonetheless, part of me recognized that this was a collective encounter, providing an unexpected opportunity for reflection and necessary remembrance. Throughout his life, I have experienced German as an old soul, filled with loving kindness. Many who met him could feel his radiant light, his willingness to give unconditionally. However, his life seemed to be a mirror of searching for “Self,” often in the wrong places. I knew that my perceptions of German’s life were also projections of that which I felt toward myself.

“German was shot twice in the back. He is in the emergency room,” Sophia explained. “He was involved in a fight, trying to defend Maryanne from some guys.” I listened attentively. German has often been protective of his sisters. Maryanne was the youngest in a family of five siblings, three boys and two girls. For a moment, I flashed back to some of the meanings that my biological family and the culture /society that I had encountered seemed to have given to the experience of manhood. I reflected on the impact and expectations that such meanings often influenced. Traditionally, within my biological family constellation, men have been socialized to become the protector, a role that oftentimes backfired due to its fragmentation. Being the protector meant being the doer, the fixer, the one who needed to remain emotionally strong regardless of circumstances, the one who provided ‘safety’ regardless of risks, the one who could not express fears. I have come to recognize that the protector role was not necessary; being a doer, fixer, emotionally strong, or taking risks while promoting someone else’s safety has its place. The issue seemed to have been an imbalance between Doing and Being as one engaged in such a role. The space for stillness, or need to engage in selfreflection, was perceived as less important when compared to the space of action often without reflection. The expression of all emotions, especially fear, was discouraged. German’s incident provided another astounding opportunity for me to attempt to balance my ability of Doing within the so-called state of Being. “What did the doctor say?” I asked with much sadness. “I don’t know. Mami is at the hospital now,” Sophia responded. “Sweetheart, breathe. Do you want me to come there?” I asked. “Yes uncle, please come.” “Call me back when you get more information. I am going to schedule a flight.” Soon after hanging up, I arranged my trip to the East Coast, to my sister Elena’s house, to help her and Sophie with this crisis. I felt anxious, knowing that living

on the West Coast meant it would take at least a day before I could see German, and the lack of complete knowledge about German’s physical condition filled my body with nervousness. The thought rushed through my mind, Will he survive this experience? German’s resilience and blessings have been reflected so many times throughout his short life. At age 24, he had already faced many more near-death experiences than most people I knew. As the old saying goes, “Angels have been watching over him.” Throughout the day, I waited with anticipation for additional news regarding German’s condition. The day seemed longer, although it contained the same amount of hours as any other day. I became less anxious when the night arrived and my sister called me with the news that German was going to be okay. After dinner, I decided to sit by the oak tree to contemplate the events of the day. I could sense the mixed emotions of anger, fear, and hurt I held in my body. I observed how the seeds of anger and fear were strongly rooted in my being and how they have prolonged much suffering and instability through their influence in my actions. I could witness my tendency to respond to violence with violence, whether it was through my thoughts, speech, and/or behavior it seemed my DNA carried the instincts of survival and revenge. While sitting I felt the presence of the Voice. “Bring it out. You are safe. Do not hold back. Suppressing human emotions is an act of self-violence,” the Voice spoke softly. “My emotions scare me. Am I ready to face this? I feel anger toward the person who shot my nephew. Violent thoughts continue to present themselves uninvited.” “By avoiding or suppressing feelings, one declares war on the notion of Self. The earthly experience is shaped by perceptions and choices which either reflect forgetfulness or remembrance of your ultimate nature. As you have witnessed, awareness of this phenomenon does not necessarily guarantee change; however, awareness is an important ingredient in choosing conscious actions,” the Voice spoke firmly. “I am scared,” I responded. “I feel overwhelmed by the experience of anger.” “There is a difference between experiencing anger and becoming the anger,” the

Voice stressed. “Anger itself is not destructive. The power of anger can cultivate fruitful results. Imagine the possibility of using the power of anger to strive for a peaceful world in which anger is transformed into comion in action,” the Voice paused. “The inability to recognize anger for what it is, a ion firing human emotion, and experiencing anger without attachment is where the danger emerges,” the Voice emphasized. “Anger is accumulated in the body and mind through denial, dismissal, or suppression of its existence thus, perpetually creating a durable bomb. Have you ever asked yourself, how much air can a balloon hold before it explodes? Suppressed anger inflicts suffering in what you perceive as Self and Others, and is often manifested as self-hatred, addictions, acts of violence, and war,” the Voice spoke powerfully. “I hold much anger, but I feel I have no idea where most of it comes from,” I emphasized. “The origin of anger may not be as important as the recognition that anger is present and well-established. If its origin is important to you, you may choose to explore your human life as a continuation of an ancestral umbilical cord, what many people have called human interdependence. Qualities of being are often ed on from one human generation to another, as is also the case with painful patterns and practices,” the Voice explained. “Your message is soothing and empowering,” I acknowledged. “Yet, I remain fearful of losing control and using anger to promote unnecessary emotional or physical pain.” “You don’t have to change the world in one day,” the Voice replied with humor. “Just bring conscious awareness to your anger. Give it a name. Get to know it. As you breathe consciously in its presence, do not suppress, reject, or become attached to its power. Simply let it be as you breathe. This is likely to encourage the process of letting go. Reflection is on the awareness, and action is on the breath.” “What if this is too intense and I am unable to effectively allow the anger to be without becoming it?” I asked. “If the anger is intensified to the point that it seems unmanageable, continue breathing consciously. There are other genuine ways through which anger can be

addressed without being suppressed: Writing, taking a walk, running, exercising, or any combination of these,” the Voice suggested. “, what you resist, persists.” This conversation opened the door to additional awareness and an ongoing sense of empowerment important to continue my journey into the Heart of Hearts. I experienced much recognition as well as release of anger and fear through my writing and crying during this night. I followed the Voice’s suggestion and did not hold back. On this night I conducted another fire ritual. An exploration of self-forgiveness seemed to be one of the major gifts of this experience. I recognized that through suppression and denial of my human emotions I often tended to betray myself, holding back from being fully present with what is, being in awareness without attachment.

♥

One day had ed since Sophia called me with the news about German and upon my arrival at my sister Elena’s apartment; I found German attempting to rest while lying on a couch. Although now out of the hospital, he was in great physical pain. Tears rolled down his face as he looked at me. “Hi, uncle, thank you for coming.” German’s speech was weak. I felt his sense of safety and gratitude as he reached to touch me. “Hi, dear, how are you feeling?” He could not speak much, because the pain increased with every attempt. His body language spoke louder than any words he could have spoken. As I embraced him with a gentle hug, sadness rushed through my whole being. This was the little boy I had helped care for when he was a child. He was now a young man. I could sense German’s relief; another man in the house. The role of protector

was silently ed on; the torch was now in my hands. For the time that I was there he would not need to engage in such a role. My nieces and sister began telling me German’s experiences when he was in the hospital. “It was sad,” my sister Elena declared, as tears formed in her eyes. “I was mad. We were treated like animals,” Sophia added. They spoke about the length of time German needed to wait in the emergency room before being attended to by a nurse or seen directly by a physician. Previous encounters with traditional medical facilities have made me recognize that the term emergency room is often misleading. I was not surprised at what I was hearing. In the realm of the material world it was not uncommon to see priority given to profit over human beings or to some people over others. Stephen Levine once stated that people often relate to one another, “as a subject of the mind rather than an object of the heart.” “Protocols need to be followed,” was a statement I had heard a number of times when visiting a medical establishment. Excessive demands for services with minimum resources, in of personnel, were not unusual. Yet, the saddest realization was reflected in the recognition that a person’s physical appearance and lack of financial resources often had a larger influence in the treatment received. German’s experience was just one of many; a young man with no medical insurance, or financial resources for that manner, and multiple tattoos covering his body. “Once German was seen by the doctors, they told Mami that they could not take out the bullets. So they stopped the bleeding and sent him home,” Sophia shared. “One of the bullets is in the back of his neck and the other one is inches away from his spinal cord,” added Maryanne, my youngest niece. “He was released soon after being examined without any follow-up or medical plan. All we were told was that German is lucky to be alive,” my sister Elena commented before continuing to cry. As I listened to my nieces and sister, I began to wonder whether the tattoos covering his body and the earrings hanging in his ears had something to do with

the perceptions held toward German by the medical staff. Still, those things did not seem to be enough reason for what I saw as medical negligence. An opportunity was presented for me to decide. Would I react from the anger progressively overwhelming my body? Would I respond with comion, recognizing that the ignorance and forgetfulness of our human interdependence has often influenced our human exchanges? Would I be able to stop the egomind from wanting to react and trust my Spirit to guide my actions while adventuring into the process? I breathed into the moment. I was about to take an action based on an assumption, an action that some might consider unethical and non-authentic. The effort required to detach personally from this experience was immense and it seemed near-impossible. I had worked hard to earn my Ph.D. in human services and education and am entitled to use the honorific “doctor” when referring to myself. There was really nothing dishonest or wrong about what I had decided to do, but because most people automatically think “medical” when they hear the word “doctor” I felt like I was being less than authentic. I fully intended to use the mistaken understanding of “medical doctor” to my advantage. I searched and came across the office phone number of the attending physician who had examined German; I picked up the phone and dialed the number. “Hello, Dr. Sander, this is Dr. Guadalupe. I am calling on behalf of German Costa. I am an old friend of the family,” I said, knowingly lying. I am not a friend. I am family. “I understand that you examined him two days ago while in the emergency room.” “Was he the young man who was shot twice in the back?” Dr. Sander asked. His statement allowed me to recognize that German had made some kind of impression, as he knew who I was speaking about right away. “Yes,” I replied. “I have a written informed consent form signed by German giving me permission to speak with you. I am currently visiting him at home. My understanding is that you felt the bullets could not be removed due to…” I was interrupted before finishing my sentence.

“Well, I was about to call Mr. Costa’s family and ask them to bring him by my office tomorrow, at 1 o’clock. I want to remove the bullet that penetrated the back of his neck. The second bullet is too close to his spinal cord. No physical danger exists in leaving that one there. The risk for complications, however, is high if we attempt to pull that one out,” Dr. Sander verbalized. “I understand.” I pretended to be knowledgeable of the protocol. I became aware of how uncomfortable it felt to pretend to be a physician. Although it was producing some desired outcome, I felt wrong deep inside. Consciously, I decided to become an observer of this experience. “I was also going to offer Mr. Costa some charity follow-up visits, to monitor for any infection,” Dr. Sander continued. “Why wasn’t this offered while in the emergency room?” I inquired. Dr. Sander responded quickly, not giving me a chance to say another word. I sensed discomfort by the sound of his voice, “As you know, Dr. Guadalupe, we must follow protocol.” “I see,” I replied. “Thank you, Dr. Sander. I will notify Mr. Costa’s family that your office will be ing them.” Not even ten minutes ed when the phone rang. My sister Elena picked it up; Dr. Sander’s secretary was calling to schedule an appointment with German. Besides removing the bullet from the back of his neck and receiving several free-of-charge follow-up visits, German was also assisted in applying for and obtaining charity medical insurance for one year. At this point, I am not sure if Dr. Sander’s actions were influenced by unconditional comion, mercy, or a commitment to help. On the other hand, could it be that he felt guilt, shame, or was simply embarrassed? Was my call really a key factor in German receiving the services that he needed? Or, should I have waited, as Dr. Sander emphasized, and trusted the protocol? I would never be sure of what exactly influenced Dr. Sander’s action. I could only say that I felt pleased that German received the services he needed. After spending some time with my sister, nieces, and nephews, I felt the need to

be alone. I could still feel a sense of embarrassment from the mask that I had put on in front of my family. Although experiences like this one have not been uncommon in my life, a shift in consciousness was occurring through which lying could no longer be a norm shaping my life. I went to my nephew Esteban’s room and lay on the bed. “Striving for freedom?” the Voice asked unexpectedly. “Be patient in moments like this. Universal laws are constantly working, even when you cannot see or feel them.” “I feel like I took two steps back in the progress I was making to recognize and address unnecessary behavioral patterns,” I replied. “Despite thoughtless actions and human frailties, your Spirit is pure. You are growing into genuine maturity through the elevation of your awareness. Living in a different vibrating frequency of Being requires practice. Rely on your inner strength, the essence of your Being, the core of your true existence. It will enable you to experience love in action and develop a truly compelling authority.” “I feel my trust expanding with every step I take in dismantling cognitive patterns. Yet, I see my current behavior as a setback,” I verbalized. “Child, be kind to your notion of self. You are traveling through old territories with a different vehicle, the vehicle of the cosmic traveler. Use these experiences as gifts for Remembrance.” My conversation with the Voice was short but profound. I recognized that I needed to continue practicing impeccability with my words and authenticity in my listening. I recommitted to speak the truth regardless of perceived consequences. I embraced loving kindness in this moment, as I found the need to take a nap and allow my body to rest.

♥

I spent several days on the East Coast before returning to West Coast. During that time, it became clear that my sister did not feel safe in the neighborhood

where she lived for over twenty years. She had wanted to move long before the incident with German, but lacked the financial means to do so. Furthermore, fear of moving out of her comfort zone made it challenging to take that risk. Being surrounded by poverty, drugs, and violence was a familiar place, not so different from the social environment we had experienced while growing up. While spending time with my sister Elena, her partner, and my nieces and nephews was rewarding, alone time was central so that I could refill my own cup. While on the East Coast, the Voice and I had many conversations. The guidance of the Voice kept me focused with clear intention. When I returned home, a number of friends and relatives assisted me with a plan to help my sister and family to buy a home outside her current neighborhood. Different people were ed. Their was requested. Miracles began to happen. Within a couple of days from my return to the West Coast, my sister, her partner, and nieces and nephews began to make arrangements to buy a house. The power of collaboration, kindness, and comion had been put into motion before my eyes. I was glad to be back home. My visit had generated much food for thought. I had come a long way in my journey from childhood to an adult life and though, still a work in progress, my heart feels much gratitude. As I sat late at night by the oak tree, I asked for continuous guidance. The oak tree had become my silent confidant, listening to most of my conversations with the Voice. It felt full of life this night. “Hello, old friend. Here I am again,” I expressed to the oak tree, acknowledging its presence. As I rested my back against its trunk, I felt its aura. The energy surrounding the oak tree strengthened my physical body. I felt solid. While sitting with my back against the oak tree, I reflected on some accomplishments. I contemplated on the shift in consciousness and behavior that the Planetary Game had encouraged. I considered the miraculous donations made to my sister by family , friends, and even so-called strangers. A couple of days were left for the completion of my initial 40-day commitment to the Planetary Game and the days seemed to have ed more quickly than I could have ever imagined. I had conducted numerous rituals to maintain a space

of attention, intention, forgiveness, gratitude, reflection, and action. Sitting in stillness at night by the oak tree, journaling periodically, and conducting fire rituals, had all assisted me in gaining confidence and trust in the wisdom of uncertainty. I am in no way enlightened, although I have experienced glimpses of a state of ecstasy, complete bliss, and remembrance. The future was yet unknown and not of much concern to me within the experience of the Now. My intention was to take one moment at a time. I have matured enough to recognize the healing that I had agreed to undertake before the moment of birth. Entering the pain in order to transcend the pain was part of the purpose. I have experienced that when the space is created for the existing pain to be honored, the pain dissolves without much effort. I have also observed that my resistance to diverse experiences often generated pain. Practicing neutrality through conscious breathing has created a baseline for the unfolding of endless possibilities. I have often witnessed how my ego-mind held on to pain, fears, and resentments, in order to strengthen its existence and construct false identities. “Pain is not your essence, it is simply an emotional experience generated through conditions while in the physical form,” the Voice had constantly reminded me. Within the physical realm I have much to be thankful for: Three beautiful children, great relations, a manifested home for my immediate family to live in, food to eat, clothes to wear, good health, and recreational activities to enjoy are among the many things that I have felt grateful for. Equally important, the emotional and mental healing path I am on fills my heart with a sense of gratitude. I had made a decision to cut the umbilical cord directly connecting me to multigenerational and societal traumas. The cycle of poverty, drugs, violence, psychological disturbances, and sociopolitical injustice needed to end with me. My commitment was clear and firm. “Hello again,” the Voice spoke. Hearing the sound of the Voice filled my heart with additional gratitude for the sense of oneness within non-ordinary realms of existence. “Hello, wise friend. Like always, it is good to hear you.” I felt hypnotized by the musical sounds that emerged as I greeted the Voice. The rhythm of drums playing, accompanied by the sound of rattles, inspired my

confidence. The wind blew gently, caressing my face. I felt the branches of the oak tree honoring what was about to happen. “Is this an initiation of some sort?” I asked. “You may call it that, or you may call it Remembrance. Just close your eyes,” the Voice requested. As I closed my eyes, the image of a door appeared before me. I began walking toward it. I felt a magnetic pull as I heard voices chanting a name, which had been given to me many years ago by an amazing spiritual teacher, “Krishna, Krishna, Krishna .” It was an angelic melody. The closer I found myself to the door, the louder the sound grew. I inhaled the experience. An immense sense of unconditional love was manifesting and immediately after opening the door a rushing feeling of wholeness ran through my body until I felt suddenly illuminated by a bright light. “This light is who you truly are, a radiant spirit. You stumble through darkness disoriented due to forgetfulness,” the Voice stated. I have read so many books concerning wholeness and have tried many ideas suggested by wonderful and loving human beings. However, somehow I have confused the teacher with the teaching, often becoming lost in comparisons, feeling less than those promoting the teachings. This experience seemed to be a reminder that Spirit resides in each of us, that there is no ‘less than – more than.’ Within the human realm of existence each of us manifests a piece of the puzzle of oneness. My encounters with the Voice brought me to a deeper realization that one could experience ordinary and follow suggestions; yet, while in Form, the journey into one’s heart is unique, never to be duplicated. “I have observed how you often feel envious of others whose spirit radiates bright and clear. There is no need for comparison or jealousy. Experiencing what many in the human form have called Enlightenment is simply being in a state of remembrance beyond conventional understanding. Every human being has an innate capacity to experience the notion of enlightenment. The issue is not to become, but is simply being. Trust and see,” the Voice paused for a moment before continuing.

“Jealousy is based on the notion of deficiency, a feeling that you do not have what it takes. Those whose light radiates are simply mirroring your own light,” the Voice commented. “Thank you for the reminder, my good friend. Your guidance has brought me much awareness.” Gratitude filled my heart as a big load was lifted from my shoulders. Pieces of the armor surrounding my heart fell away as I became present to the essence of my existence.

What is love, but a reflection of the Great Mystery. What is love, but a sensation of Divine Grace. What is love, but a representation of gifts in multiple Forms. What is love, but a time of reunification with the Heart of Remembrance. kg

CHAPTER 10

♥ Living, Learning, Laughing And Loving ♥

Harmony of the Heart

T he Planetary Game had provided multiple opportunities for consciously Living, Learning, Laughing, and Loving . I had this night and another day before completing the forty days of playing intentionally. As I sat with my back to the oak tree, my attention went back to a dream of several nights prior. I had dreamed I was holding the world in my hands. It felt heavy. I felt mentally strained and unsure that I could hold such responsibility. I feared to drop and destroy the world. The task was too much to bear. Suddenly, my fear came to fruition, I took a step forward and I fell to the ground and dropped the world. It broke into pieces. I feeling an uncontrollable sadness and cried. As I cried with my face looking down at the pieces of the world, I heard a voice saying, “You did not drop the world, but the illusion of the world. Look to the horizon.” I lifted up my face and there it was before my eyes, one of the most amazing visages of a planet that I had ever seen. On the planet, people lived in harmony with all living things. There was no “I” or “We,” but rather a sense of union between and among electromagnetic fields of energy merging as one and discharging into pieces that formed an infinite puzzle.

While in the dream, I felt myself witnessing the disappearance of the fear deeply ingrained into the world I had dropped. I witnessed how as a people, we had often been ed through vibrational frequencies based on fear. I could observe that fear had been a glue holding together a sense of reality endorsing a sense of separation and competition: From parents using fear to promote behavioral changes in children to religious institutions using fear as a method for maintaining a status of social power, and political leaders utilizing fear to gain the of the people. While the world I had dropped reflected fear, the

world I could see in the horizon reflected remembrance of a fundamental premise, love. Love is not a noun, but a verb illustrating a profound devotion to Oneness and emergence into the infinite. I felt an overwhelming feeling of purpose. My goal was not so much to eliminate fear, but rather to continue learning how not to let it be in charge of my life, to learn how to acknowledge its presence without becoming its identity. Conscious breathing, setting my attention on the breath during the presence of fear rather than on fear itself, had been a valuable practice. As I sat on the ground with my back against the oak tree, a stiff wind gently shook the branches. The sunset was radiant. The sound of crickets caressed my ears. As I closed my eyes, I seemed to have fallen asleep. I noticed that I was in a forest crowded with a variety of animals and people of different shapes and skin colors. All living things seemed content and purposeful. The sound of the waterfalls produced an electromagnetic field generating life throughout the forest. In this dream, I was sitting on a throne. There was no sense of separation from others within this dream, yet I felt a sense of uniqueness. “Welcome back,” a woman dressed in a white gown whispered softly in my ear. “Follow me, this way.” I tagged along in curiosity. I felt a sense of safety and trust as if I had known all along what was about to happen. “Where am I? Where are you taking me?” I asked as I followed her to the entrance of a dark cave. There was silence for several minutes as we entered the cave and she began to prepare a bed on top of a large rock. The cave was vibrant inside. Crystals provided the light needed for me to see. “Lay here please,” she said, “let’s begin.” I lay my body on the bed and before I was able to say a word, she placed a crystal on my chest over my heart, another on my stomach, and a third one leaning against my head. This woman with long white hair reminded me of my paternal grandmother, a woman with a kind heart and giving spirit. From time to time I glanced at the woman’s big brown eyes and radiant smile. “Thank you for your hospitality,” I said. “What is your name?”

“I Am,” she responded as we gazed in each other’s eyes. “The time has come for me to go,” she informed me. “You can call upon me at any time. I am your Spirit manifested in a different Form, no different than any other reflection.” For a moment, we traveled through light in silence. Suddenly, I felt and heard the steps of people entering the cave. As they came closer, I noticed they were all men dressed in gowns of different colors. They gathered around me, making a circle facing my body resting on what began to feel like an altar. The woman in the white gown turned around and after acknowledging their presence, she walked toward the exit of the cave. I heard more footsteps entering the cave. This time, a group of women were walking toward me. They made another circle surrounding the circle of men. One of the women picked up four bright crystals from the ground and placed them facing the four directions: East, South, West, and North. The women in the outer circle were back to back with the men who had formed the inside circle. After a few minutes they danced and moving around, I heard the sound of drums and rattles. Messages were chanted in languages I could not recognize, yet they did not feel unfamiliar. Suddenly, the music and dancing stopped. One of the men and one of the women from the two circles stepped forward, approaching me. The man handled me a piece of rope with various knots. “This rope represents your human life. It is made out of multiple layers. Only you can untie the knots. Each knot symbolizes attachments to human encounters that you no longer need to shape your human experiences. You can untie the knots as you continue to live, learn, laugh, and love, allowing the harmony of the heart to light your way home. We are here to you. we are not separate.” The man returned to the circle. His expression was one of warmth and caring. Something about his tone of voice and demeanor filled me with a deep-seated hope and inspiration. “I offer you the sword of truth,” a woman shared as she stepped forward and approached me. “May this sword assist you while healing and strengthening your human relationships. You have a purpose in this life, a unique mission. You are the only

one who can carry it to its fullness. The puzzle will not be completed if your piece is missing,” the woman leaned forward and kissed my forehead. The crystals dissolved into my body, becoming part of my own flesh as the two circles of men and women merged into one. Everything went dark, and I opened my eyes. Sitting with my back against the oak tree, I felt strong like the trunk, yet flexible like the wind. My awareness had increased, and my sense of direction had strengthened. In that moment, I knew my life would never be the same. I stood up and walked toward the house. It was late. I needed to prepare for my next adventure.

♥

The next morning I woke up with a sense of serenity. This day marked the fortieth day of my commitment to the Planetary Game. I planned a day trip to the mountains near the house in order to spend time alone. My children had their own activities scheduled for the day. I prepared for and went on my journey. The walk was relaxing. I became aware of flowers, plants, and trees I had not previously noticed, as if my vision had improved and become more comprehensive. I climbed one of the mountains and rested. Sitting cross-legged at the top of the mountain, looking down at the river and the wildflowers blooming on the land, gave me the sense that I could reach the sky. It was like a piece of heaven for me to experience and enjoy. Birds were flying and singing songs of freedom, melodies that could make any pain disappear. All I desired was to immerse myself into the beauty of the landscape that surrounded me. I felt oneness with all living things, including the ants marching a few feet from where I was sitting. Mountain climbing had been a love of mine during my adolescence, though it had been years since my last experience. My decision to take this day trip was a gift to my soul. It was a good way to make closure with the end of my forty days

of commitment to what began as a Planetary Game. This was a day of endings and new beginnings, a moment of being and becoming. While at the peak of this mountain, I found a safe location and started a small fire. I began to burn the last of my writings. As the pages burned, I felt a sense of renewal. My body began to feel like an extension of a larger body of energy manifested beyond form. A message shared by the Voice during one of our initial conversations was now becoming clear. “The beginning of your existence transcends your earthly conception and birth. It extends to the creation of the universe itself. Birth was not the beginning and death will not be the end of your Being. Your life force transcends the body, atoms, and molecules.” As the fire continued, I sensed the merging of a radiant light penetrating my heart. I felt harmony with all that is, all that was, and all that will be. I felt expanded. While in silence, the following words vibrated through my body:

See me

No, I am not the image printed in your mind, for the mind is limited by its own perceptions and conditions. No, I am not exclusively a reflection of a time in history, for change is constant, transformative, and ultimately time is an illusion. No, I am not your politics, stereotypes, self-hatred externally manifested, for those are simply programmings that have blinded your sight. No, I am not only a mirror of a culture, family system, a

collective identity, for to see me like that is like seeing the forest while failing to the uniqueness and lifeness of each tree. No, I am not my name, profession, human roles, for those are boundaries through which we can begin communication within the form. No, I am not my pains, sorrows, glories, healings, for these are only manifestations of my human experiences. I am the emptiness which is full. I am the broken pieces which are whole. I am the uncertainty which is certain. I am the blindness which sees beyond conventional realities. I am the voiceless who speaks loud through silence. I am the spaceless which is filled with possibilities. ♥ Please, don’t diminish my existence. Please don’t confine your magnificence ♥

For a moment, an inner wisdom seemed to have merged with unfamiliar memories. Somehow, I was able to recollections of my own evolution; memories which were eclectic in nature and not mono-dimensional as the ones

that I had allowed to shape my earthly life. I was part of a source of energy with the capacity to vibrate at different levels, from the simplest vibratory form of hydrogen to a multifaceted universal state. Each level of energy could only attract other energies of a comparable vibration. Thus, I recognized that the energy of chaos attracts chaos; that the energy of fear attracts fear; and the energy of love attracts love. The visualization I was experiencing served as a means for unblocking and dissolving mental barriers. I felt a transformation in my brain wave patterns. As I breathed consciously, my muscles felt deeply relaxed. “Affirm this frequency of truth as you continue to live, learn, laugh, and love,” the friendly and wise Voice had returned. “As you are experiencing, nothing is missing inside you. There is no need to fill a gap that has only existed in thoughts. There is no need to manipulate the outside world. As you have noticed, manipulation does not bring you inner peace, or the joy that you have the right to experience.” “Thank you,” I thought in silence. “You’re most welcome,” the Voice replied and continued. “The physical realm is filled with radiant beings of light like you. While some have returned to remembrance, others have continued blinded with the veil of ignorance. Your life purpose is simply to live in the remembrance and reflect that back to your notion of others. As shared in our conversations, you are already whole and complete even when the conditional earthly mind may not feel satisfied.” Although stated by the Voice multiple times within multiple contexts, for the first time ever I began to feel whole. It was obvious that when alone I needed to turn my attention and intention away from the search and into to the space of Being. I renounced the ego-mind’s addiction to complicate a simple truth. I was fully experiencing the miraculousness of my existence within the context of the Great Mystery: Divine Intelligence. “Today, you must decide to continue or end the Planetary Game,” the Voice stated. “The choice is yours alone. Continuing this path, however, will require expanding your comfort zone and commitment,” the Voice stressed. I took a breath. I recognized that the Planetary Game was not an individualistic

tool aimed at encouraging personal gain. Its six code principles – attention and intention, forgiveness and gratitude, stillness and action – were a practical guide that could not be kept a secret. The notion of individual awakening was simply an initial point of reference. The ultimate purpose of the Planetary Game was to return to the remembrance of oneness and wholeness beyond a conventional realm of consciousness. Continuing the practice was not about what I wanted to achieve but rather how I wanted to live. The choice to continue or end the Planetary Game had been made long before this day. There was no turning back. I recognized a new addition to playing the game: There was no resistance but rather a strong desire to play as I continued to live, learn, laugh, and love. After resting awhile and embracing this recognition, I stretched my body. After dousing the fire I walked toward a higher mountain. I felt total lightness and consumed by a sense of peace and a mission, I arrived at the top of this new mountain. I sat on a rock looking at the beauty of the flourishing trees further down, as well as other mountains I could now see along the horizon. I spent hours enjoying this view and I periodically wrote in my journal. As I looked into the horizon I noticed the sun’s light and blue skies were beginning to hide. The sun was being slowly replaced by a half moon. It was time to return home. A family game night was calling for my presence. As I made my way down the mountains through a different path I came across various streams that radiated a feeling of tranquility that could put anybody into a state of relaxation. The moment was magical. I arrived home with a generous sense of wellness and intention to be the transformation I wanted to see in this world. As I entered the house, I could hear the laughter of my children. They had just returned home from their adventures. As I ed my children, I ed something the Voice had said during our last conversation:

“Within the Form, an individual is as strong as the level of humility he/she/they allow themselves to experience; his/her/their strength is reflected in his/her/their ability to navigate through the wisdom of uncertainty and mirrored by his/her/their unquestioned trust in the Great Mystery. Humility and strength are

one and the same. One’s strength can be greatly reflected by one’s willingness and ability to experience the power of vulnerability as well as the magic of Divine Grace. Within the Form, do not try to be perfect. Simply love what is, allowing each moment to be the gift that continues to guide the journey into the Infinite Now, where the Heart of Remembrance is embraced,”

Through the gift of this moment, I felt at peace. I was embraced by the presence of acceptance, ion, and love reflected in the room by the courage and inspiration in the faces of my children. I tasted a piece of heaven on earth as I felt the harmony of Hearts!

♥ I Am and Will Always Be! In Memory of JoAnn H. Verrier, Mom

You may cry, but don’t forget to celebrate, for my departure is not permanent. We will meet again within the vastness of Divine Existence.

Beyond the body, I live within your breath.

Beyond the body, my touch is felt by the wind that caresses your face as you step out the door.

Beyond the body, my love exists within your heart.

Beyond the body, my tenderness is displayed within your comion.

Beyond the body, my devotion is reflected in your love in action.

Beyond the body, we fly free up in the sky as the eagle’s wings while simultaneously running with wild wolves and sleeping peacefully with bear.

Beyond the body, we see each other through the eyes of the sacredness, Creator Great Mystery.

Beyond the body, we continue communicating through the sound of rain as well as the radiant of the sun, stars, and moon.

While the mind is likely to become confused and reactive, spirit reminds us to live, learn, laugh, and love.

I Am and Will Always Be! kg ♥

♥ The Am Presence in Memory of Chris Miller ♥

I will never die, for energy cannot be destroyed, but only transformed. I was never born since I am existence itself. I will never disappear, for my roots are internal and transcend all sense of conventional reality. I will never be lost, for I am the way, the light, and the truth. I will never be repaired, for I am whole and have never been broken. I am the eagle that flies, the snake that crawls, the dolphin that swims, the buffalo that runs, the sun that shines, the wind that blows, the earth that we stand upon. I am the emotion that is reflected as energy in constant movement and can never be confined. I am the soul that quantum leaps into the vastness of the Infinite Now. I am the Heart that promotes the creation of Divine Grace, and I am Divine Grace. Aho, Love and Blessings, kg ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

♥ Final Reflection ♥

Love does not ask for permission. It follows no rules. It is not bonded to an identity. It is a source of creation and the creator itself. It dwells within the endless space of magic and represents the power found in vulnerability. May we always surrender to the magic and power of love. Let us to sing, laugh, and dance to its melody. Love is a companion and the beloved itself; thus, we are never alone. Love reminds the notion of “I” that its existence flows within the vastness of an infinite field of oneness. Let us touch, not through the skin, but rather through the vibration of love, removing fear of losing control while being in the remembrance that we are already free!

Aho kg