Faith Love And Sex 6j5q1z

Faith Love and Sex

Somtochukwu Ume

Copyright © 2012 by Somtochukwu Ume.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012916625 ISBN: Softcover 978-1-4797-1418-6 Ebook 978-1-4797-1419-3

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CONTENTS

Chapter 1 Meaning of Faith

Chapter 2 Faith and Examples

Chapter 3 Faith And Work

Chapter 4 Faith With Doubts

Chapter 5 How To Build Up Faith

Chapter 6 Meaning And Importance of Love

Chapter 7 Kinds of Love

Chapter 8 Boy/Girl Relationship

Chapter 9 Sex

Chapter 10 Tips for Boys and Girls

DEDICATION

To God who gave me the inspiration to write this book and also to my wonderful parents who have been there giving me their both financially and morally; to my sweet brothers, to my friends and family and most especially to my fellow youths out there.

Foreword by Hope Obi

In our society, the topic of the day is always sex. If you turn on the TV, it is sex that is talked about. In the internet, it is the same old story. Since the world has become a global village, this issue of sex cuts across the globe. This is a very big challenge to young people.

The other day, I heard in the news about a fourteen year old girl who gave birth to a beautiful baby and killed her. Where is our morality?

These days, those who do not have sex are seen as old fashioned and timid. As a matter of fact, God created sex to be enjoyed between a husband and a wife. Therefore, the young folk should avoid premarital sex because it could lead to sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancy, single parenthood and poverty. Some people rely on condoms and other protective devices, but these are not 100% safe. The solution to the problem plaguing is abstinence, and also, married couples should be faithful and loyal to each other.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. With faith, we can move mountains. Faith helps us to stay strong in stormy weather. When we have faith in God, there is nothing we cannot do. Faith and believe in the word of God will even help us to abstain from sex.

Love makes the world go around. The Bible tells us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. If we love genuinely without expecting anything in return, what a wonderful world it would be. true love is not about sex; it is the

ability to love when there is no reason, and the ability to love when it hurts most.

This book FAITH, LOVE AND SEX is a very nice book for parents and their children. The Bible says “train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Some of us have made mistakes, but it is never too late to repent because God is a merciful God. He will always receive us back when we return to Him.

MEANING

OF

FAITH

Chapter 1

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Heb 11 vs. 1 FAITH can also be reckoned as righteousness. Rom 4vs5

To my own understanding, faith is the belief of things that is still in the future or the things you hope to get. The word faith is a big tool to anyone who calls himself a Christian, but you cannot have faith without knowing where it came from. You must know the author; which is Jesus Christ. When you know Him, then you can know how to apply it in your daily life. Faith gives us the strength to overcome the storms of live. It doesn’t make things easy but make things possible. Having faith will not make you to be problem free, but in the midst of your problems, it will give you the strength and the courage to stand and face your problems.

One can ask, “How can I have faith”? Like I said before, You have to know the Author of the faith, which is Jesus. By reading the Bible, you will get to know more about him, the works He did, His promises and everything about him. This will help you to build your faith, and constant reading the Bible will help you to stay strong in the midst of adversity. When you believe, and trust in God it shows faith.

How can I apply faith in my daily life? Let me give an illustration on how you can apply faith. You are married to the man of your dream; everything is moving as you want; then, after three years of your marriage no conception and no child, and you want a child so badly. You have been to so many doctors but all have one result, “there is nothing wrong with you”. Friends came telling you ways you can solve your problem even the good and the bad ways. The only thing that can keep you strong and help you overcome is faith. When you believe in God, trusting in His word there is a feeling it gives you, ing all His

promises. This is one of the ways we can apply faith. When things are going on well for us, we can’t know the amount of faith we have; you may think you have it but you don’t. You cannot know how much some people suffer when you’re in the midst of plenty, lacking nothing. You can know only by going out to see how those people live. You only know how much faith you have when you are having problems that’s why sometimes God allows us to through trials to know how much faith we have in him. If God allows you to through trials, it doesn’t mean He hates you but He’s trying to shape you for greater things ahead. He only tests His children but He doesn’t tempt. We are tempted by our own desire.

FAITH

AND

EXAMPLES

Chapter 2

When you have faith and believe in God you will always see the result. Just know that faith doesn’t make things easy, but it makes things happen. Let’s see what faith can do.

In the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego, the three friends refused to worship the golden image made by king Nebuchadnezzar. They were thrown into the burning furnace that was heated seven times. what they said before they were thrown in, “if that is the case, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us from your hand O king. But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up”. Daniel 3 vs. 17 to 18. From the above verse, you will see that faith is speaking through them that’s why they said whether God delivers them or not, they won’t worship the golden image. God saved them from the furnace because of their faith. Daniel was able to stand firm not to stop praying because of his faith in God, even when he was thrown in the lion’s den, he did not shiver because he knew the God he worships. Abraham was called the father of faith when God told him to kill his only son, without asking questions he accepted. In matt 8 vs. 5 is the story of the centurion man who had faith that without Jesus coming to his house his servant will be healed by saying the words. Jesus was so amazed that he said to his followers he has not found such great faith even in Israel. There are so many acts of faith in the Bible. All those healed by Jesus were those who had faith in Him. His last word is always “your faith has made you whole”. When we talk about faith and don’t apply it in our daily lives, it will be like we’re telling stories. God is still doing what he has been doing in the days of Paul. There was a story about a woman who married, after fifteen years of marriage, there was no issue. God later blessed her with four kids.

Another story of faith was that of a woman from my town who got married at the age of fifty when people have lost hope of her getting married. God gave her, her

own man and not only did he gave her a husband but a very good one. There was this story about a man in this country; his name is Ben Carson, according to him, he was the dullest person in his class. This man later became the world’s best neurosurgeon, and the first man to separate Siamese twins. The mother normally tells him to believe in himself that he can do anything. There is nothing you cannot do with God; with Him you can climb the toughest mountain. He is able, the I am that I am, He makes the impossible to be possible; He has never changed, and he will never change. Why not cast your burdens upon Him for He cares. He will never fail nor forsake you just believe in Him, and all will be well with you. Why worry when He says He knows you even before you were born. He knows your beginning to the end. His thoughts for us is of good and not of evil to give us an expected end. “Why worry”?

FAITH

AND

WORK

Chapter 3

Faith goes in conjunction with work. The Bible says that faith without work is dead.

How does faith go with work? An illustration of faith without work: A student who prepares for an exam, and believes that God will help him/her, without reading his/her books will not do well in the exam. Reason is he/she has the faith but didn’t put it into practice by studying his/her books. Faith alone won’t do much if you don’t put it into work.

How do we put our faith into work? There are certain things we should be doing to build our faith, and put it into work, they are:

1. Putting God first in all you do 2. Trusting in God 3. Hard work 4. Focus 5. Fear of God 6. Listening to the testimony of others 7. Living in faith 8. Courageous

The above are some of the ways we can build our faith, and put it into work. Let me highlight more on each of them.

1. Putting God first in all you do: How do you put God first in your life? We put God first in our daily life when we make Him the pilot of our life. What do I mean by “pilot” A pilot is one who controls an airplane. Allowing God to be the pilot of our life means, allowing Him to be in control of our life, to direct our ways, to guide our path, and to be in charge of our life. There are certain things that happen in our life we don’t have control over. There are things we can never change no matter how hard we try. When we’re faced with such a challenge, that we don’t know what else to do, the best thing to do is to hand it over to God. When God is the pilot of your life, He will direct you to the path best for you. The problem we human beings have is that we try to live our life on our way doing things our own way; when problem comes we start pointing a finger at God, blaming him for our mistakes. When we do things in our own way, we should also be responsible for anything that will come out of it. Let’s stop blaming God for our mistakes. You can’t ignore God in your life only to Him when you have a problem. God is not mocked, and He pays everyone according to his /her own deeds. You reap what you sow; if you sow well you reap good and vice versa. This is why God is telling us to sow the right seeds so that at the appointed time, we will reap the benefits. A grape fruit can’t bear a mango fruit, nor does fresh water bring out salt water at the same time? Don’t expect to reap good when you sow badly.

2. Trusting God: What is “trust,” and how do we trust God? Trust is to believe that someone will definitely do something. When we trust God, we cast our worries to him; we make him the pilot of our life that’s trust. Entrusting your life to God shows faith. Heb 13vs5b “I will never fail you nor forsake you”. In this verse we‘re assured that God will never fail us when we trust in Him.

3. Hard work: The Bible says “faith without work is dead”. If you have

faith, you must put it into work. Having faith alone is not enough, we need work to make our faith complete. For example, if you sleep all day without having any work to do to earn a living, and expect God to send your manner from heaven, you will die of hunger. God doesn’t acknowledge laziness; a child of God must be hard working. When you do your part, God will do His part. Don’t expect God to do everything for you. In life, we need to be hard working to succeed. You cannot achieve anything without working for it. A farmer has to work hard on his farm to get the best produce.

4. FOCUS: In life, it is important to be focus. Being focus means giving your attention to a particular thing. When people don’t know the reason why they are here (earth), it makes them not to be focus; living a carefree life without making an impact. Being focus will give you something to be looking on to; you will know that you’re not here for the sake of being here, but it will help you to know that you’re here for a reason. Have something to live for.

5. Fear of God: The Bible says the “fear of God is the beginning of wisdom”. To have the fear of God is to obey and keep his commandments. Like I said in the beginning of this book, you can’t have faith without knowing the author of faith which is God. Knowing God will help us to stay strong in our faith at trouble times. It will also help us to know how to work with faith. Psalm 34 vs.9 says “there is no want to those who fear him” this means that those who obey His words will not lack any good thing. Sometimes when we pray it seems that God doesn’t answer, we need to be patient; it is one important virtue of a Christian. God’s time is always the best.

6. Listening to testimonies of others: listening to the testimony of people will always give you hope to be strong in your faith. It will help you build your faith. You may ask what is ‘’Testimony” and where do we listen to it, or hear testimony? Testimony is a means of sharing our experiences or problem that we have gone through and how we overcomed it; the kind of testimony I’m talking of here is a Christian testimony the one we hear in the

church, television or anywhere. Listening to other people’s testimony will help you build your faith, and believe that God still works.

7. Living in faith: We live in faith when we don’t fear things that happen around us. Naturally humans have spirit of fear; there are so many things we fear in life, the future and fear of death; they‘re countless, you reading this book have something you fear, but the Bible made us to know that the spirit of fear is not of God but of the devil. The Bible says that God has not given us the spirit of fear but of courage and of sound mind. There is an adage that says “the only thing to fear is fear itself”. Being fearful will always rob you the courage of facing your problems and attempting new things in life, instead of being fearful, have faith.

8. Courage: Courage means the quality you have when you do not let fear affect you. Courage will always give you the boldness to face your challenges with a positive attitude. Courage helps you to be strong in your faith. We need to be courageous to achieve anything in life.

There are certain things we need to avoid in life if we want to build our faith and succeed in life. They are:

Knowing the kind of friends you make: Your friends can influence you a lot, either positively or negatively. You need to know the kind of friends you make if you want to achieve anything in life, you need to be around positive people; people who will help you achieve your goal. There is an adage that says “tell me your friend and I will tell you who you are.” The kind of friends you keep will determine what you will be and how far you will go in life. Evil company corrupts good manner, and it is better to be alone than being in a wrong company.

The things you read and watch: The things you read and watch matters a lot. It will determine how you will live your life, and it will either affect you positively or negatively. Feed your eyes with positive things and also your mind.

What you think: The kinds of things we think affect us positively or negatively. The Bible says we should think of what is pure, lovable, kind, just and anything good. Your thoughts bring out your words, your words determine your actions, your actions determine your character, and your character determines your habit. All these listed above will help you work with faith.

FAITH

WITH

DOUBTS

Chapter 4

If anyone lacks wisdom let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. James Ch 1 vs. 5 to 6

When you walk on a slippery ground, your step is not steady; you stagger because of the condition of the ground. This is how it is when you ask God something with doubts in you.

A boy went to his father to ask for money for his school fees; he said to the dad “I need 300 dollars for my school fees, can you give it to me?” He was asking his dad whether he can give him the money. The word CAN shows doubt. The boy doubt in the ability of his dad to give him the money. This is what it looks like when we ask God to do something for us, inside we doubt His ability of doing that. If you want to receive anything from God, you need to believe in Him, trust Him and have faith in Him.

When you take vengeance on somebody, you’re telling God He cannot do it When He told you that “vengeance is mine”. We should learn to have genuine faith.

According to Charles F Stanley “Genuine faith endures trial. Trials are bound to come, but a strong faith will face them head on and develop endurance. Genuine faith understands temptations: it will never consent to our lusts and thereby slide into sin. Genuine faith harbors no prejudice. Genuine faith has the power to control the tongue. Genuine Faith act wisely: it gives us the ability to choose heavenly wisdom that brings life and to shun earthly wisdom that brings death.

Genuine faith produces separation from the world and submission to God. It provides us the ability to resist the devil and humbly draw near to God.”

If you have faith in God, don’t doubt believe completely. The Bible says “blessed are those who believe” Faith is trusting God, He never fails. So when you pray, pray with faith don’t doubt. God is able to do all things, nothing is impossible with him. He says in Heb 13 vs. 5 “I will never fail you nor forsake you”. Why doubt? Be like the woman with the issue of blood who believed that by touching Jesus garments’ she will be made whole. She did and she was healed because of her faith. All the miracles Jesus performed in the Bible happened to those who had faith.

HOW TO

BUILD UP

FAITH

Chapter 5

How do you build up faith?

1. By praying 2. Reading the bible 3. Listening to testimony of people 4. Reading books and novels 5. Hearing the word of God 6. Being born again

1. Praying: Praying is the way in which Christians communicate with God. By praying, you will be growing in your faith and in God.

2. Reading the Bible: The Bible contains the mind of God, the state of man, the way of salvation, the doom of sinners and the happiness of believers. Its doctrines are holy, its precepts are binding, its histories are true, and its decisions are immutable. Read it to be wise, believe it to be safe and practice it to be holy. It contains light to direct you, food to you, and comfort to cheer you up. It is the traveler’s map, the pilgrim’s staff, the pilot’s com, the soldier’s sword, and the Christian’s charter. Here paradise is restored, Heaven opened, and the gate of hell disclosed. From this explanation of what the Bible is, you can see that the Bible contains everything you need for you to grow and develop both physically and spiritually.

3. Listening to Testimony: Testimony of people can help you build your faith when you hear what God does. There was a testimony I heard about a woman who gave birth at the age of 60. There is nothing impossible with God. Just believe and you will receive.

4. Reading Books and Novels: There are many books and novels which can help you to improve on your faith. Read them and you will know more about God. There are mostly Christian and Motivational books.

5. Hearing the Word of God: The Word of God is life. The Bible says in Psalm 119 vs 105 “your word is a lamp to my feet, the light to my path.” When you listen and obey the word of God, you see yourself doing what you think you can’t do.

6. Being Born Again: If you are not born again, there is no way you can know Christ. For you to build your faith, you must believe and accept Jesus as your personal savior and lord.

The Bible says “as many as receive Him, to them He gave the power to become the children of God” John Ch 1 vs 12.

MEANING

AND IMPORTANCE OF

LOVE

Chapter 6

Love suffers long and is kind; loves does not envy; love does not parade itself, . . . 1st Corinthians 13vs.4

Love is the most common word ever used. We hear it everywhere, in the television, internet, people use it all most every time. Parents say it to their kids; boys say it to their girlfriends, and so on. God also talks about it. It means different things to people; the way I understand it, is not the way you understand it.

We may say, “what is really the true meaning of Love?” Some people say love has no meaning, it is just a feeling. Looking at the Bible verse above, love does have meaning. Let’s look at the verse again, “love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; loves does not parade itself is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, endures all things. Love never fails”. Corinthians 13 vs. 4 to 8a

Looking at the Bible verse about love, we can ask ourselves whether what we have been saying love is, is it what it really means? Some will say they love someone but have jealousy towards the person they love. What the Bible says about love is what it truly means; anything short of that is not love. There are many definitions of love: the Bible definitions have been stated above. According to Oxford dictionary, love means the affection you have for someone or something. It can also mean likeness for something or somebody. Many who claim to love don’t really love because they don’t know what love is. Real, true love is unconditional. All other kinds of love are not really love. Most people on the planet don’t love one another that’s why there is war everywhere, some parents don’t love their kids that’s why you hear stories of parents killing their

kids, the young women who commit abortion don’t love the baby in their womb, most kids don’t love their parents. One song by the Black eyed peas pose a very big question “where is the love” people killing people, people dying, children going hungry and crying” is a very nice song. Where is the ‘LOVE’? You cannot tell me you love your partner when you’re possessive, jealous, envious, selfish… .

One thing I discover in this boy/girl relationship is, most times girls have sex with their boyfriends to show them love not because they want to do it. Some do it to keep their man while boys demand sex as means of their girlfriends proving their love. This is not love; love is not what you prove, it’s something you give willingly without any reason, it’s unconditional; genuine, it’s not give and take, like most people do. You don’t buy it but possess it. It’s not shown only when everything is perfect; it loves the imperfect perfect. ‘You can’t tell me you love me when you persuade me to do things against my wish because I call you my boyfriend, or will you say you love when there is something to give; you love me for who I am not what I am. Success attracts friends; you can’t know who your real friends are when you have money, lose the money you will see how many who will stand by you.

The kind of love God wants us to have is genuine love, the unconditional type of love, the love you have for no reason, and you just give it without expecting anything in return even to those who hate you. According to marriagemax.com “To love someone unconditionally means that you love the person exactly as they are, exactly as they were before, and exactly as they will be in the future. Unconditional love means that the person can just live their live as they choose and you will still love them no matter what.” Some girls marry because of money, most marry for one reason or the other. When you marry because of something, it is not love. So the true meaning of love is what the Bible says in l Corinthians 13.

IMPORTANCE OF LOVE

Everything about life centers on ‘love’; for a marriage to succeed it needs love. For a country to grow and progress it needs love; for friendship to stand, it needs love. Love is very important in our existence, but you have to love yourself before you can love. You can’t love another when you don’t love yourself.

You may say, ‘who doesn’t love himself/herself? There are so many things we do that shows we don’t love ourselves. One of them is, changing who God created you to be. Some guys dress like girls while some change their gender, indirectly they don’t like themselves. You love yourself when you accept who you are, the way you are. You don’t need anybody to tell you how beautiful you are before you will know.

Another example, is craving for love: I have heard a girl say she can’t be happy if she does not has a lover. The girl who said this does not really love herself; it shows she can’t be happy without anybody loving her. You need nobody to love you before you can be happy. When you love yourself, whether somebody loves you or not, you will always be happy. Then, by loving yourself you can extend the love to others.

How do we show love?

People show love in different ways. Some show love by buying gifts for their loved ones, some show by saying the word, and so on. The way we understand love, determines the way we show it and how far our love can go. Love is the foundation of life, it is very important to show love regardless of age, race, and culture.

The importance of love:

Love in the family: family is a small unit which is made up of father, mother and children. When love exists in a family, there is always peace, unity and progress. The presence of love in a family does not mean the family is free from problems, but in the midst of problems, they will always stick together and overcome the problem.

Love in the country: For any country to grow there should be love because when there is love there is peace, unity and progress. We should love others and care about their feelings. The Bible says do unto others as we would like them do unto us. It also says the measure you give is the measure you receive. If you know how you would like to be treated, do so to others.

James 3vs16 says “for where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there “.

Looking at the above scripture, we can see how a place without love can be. Is there love in this country? Answer for yourself. So many prophesy love but few show it. You can make a change by loving the people around you. Many evils are happening, let us hands and make this world a better place, like the music legend said in his Album “HEAL THE WORLD”. Let’s stop the killings, the wars and the world will be a better place to live in.

Difference between love, lust and infatuation

According to the Bible “love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; it

doesn’t parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, endures all things. Love never fails”. Love loves the imperfect perfectly.

Lust: In our world today, many prophesy love while they lust. A guy who falls in love with a girl he met for the first time, tells the girl how much he loves her and how much he feels for her, making lots of promises he can never keep just to take the girl to bed. True love is not deceptive; it doesn’t enter a relationship to gain, but enter it to give. Many lust after the flesh thinking they are in love. This is why we have rising cases of divorce; when the ion dies, the two will see their real self and problems set in. This is why it’s advisable not to engage in sex while dating because it will blind you from knowing the real person you’re dating.

Free encyclopedia defines lust as an emotion or feeling of intense desire in the body, the lust for sex or the lust for power. Lust is a powerful psychic force producing intense wanting for an object or circumstance full filling the emotion. Dictionary definition of lust is intense or unrestrained sexual craving or an overwhelming desire or craving. Let’s look at the Biblical definition of lust. “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matt 5vs28

Before Christ came, when a man commits adultery it is a sin, in the verse stated above Jesus said that even without having sex with a woman, but merely looking at her in a sexual way makes the man an adulterer. Many people watch porn, some use it as a means of satisfying themselves sexually. Looking at naked people will never do you any good. I have heard of several cases where a partner addiction to porn caused divorce.

How can we differentiate love from lust? Looking at the above definitions of love and lust the difference is clearly seen. So many guys have girlfriends

just for the sex, and many times they give gifts to girls just to get something from them. Girls should be aware of who and what they accept from men because one way or the other they will pay back. But this doesn’t mean we don’t have good guys with good hearts who love giving. Any guy who truly loves you will always want your interest at heart; he won’t be selfish in the relationship and will not pressurize you to do anything against your will. This is one of the ways you can differentiate love from lust.

What is infatuation? Many of us are infatuated mostly and think its love. Infatuation is the opposite of love; it is acting by impulse as a result of the chemical reaction in the brain. Infatuation will make you think you’re in love. The dictionary definition of infatuation is a foolish and usually extravagant ion or love or iration. It is a short lived ion; infatuated love is selfish, it is a physical desire, a crush, is temporary, is stupidity, and is a reckless commitment to satisfy one’s all consuming lust. It is controlled by brain chemistry; always desires closeness, takes off fast like a spark in a dry grass burns out quickly leaving emptiness and destruction.

Love on the other hand, is commitment, accepting people as they are, willingness to make sacrifices, working at settling differences, a decision to devote yourself to another for better or worse, a decision to always love when it hurts most. However, infatuation has been one of the reasons why divorce is on the increase. Many marry out of infatuation, thinking they were in love, when the ion or anything that got them attracted fades, the real self is seen and infatuation dies. Beauty fades, physical things fade, infatuation fades, and only true love can stand the test of time. Don’t rush into marriage because you always want to be with him/her. Ask yourself questions; questions like “do I really love this person”? If yes” why do I love him/her”? When one is honest in his/her answers, it will help him/her to know whether his/her is in love or infatuated.

KINDS

OF

LOVE

Chapter 7

There are various kinds of love, but the commonest ones are: Agape love, genuine love, Erotic love.

Agape love: This is the kind of love God has for man. This is the kind of love that made Him to send His only son to die for us. God is the only one that can have this kind of love because no human can love us like God does. It is a perfect love with no flaws. A love that loves the imperfect perfectly; No matter how sinful we are, God still loves us.

Genuine or sincere love: According to Active study dictionary, genuine love is a desire or feeling that you really feel, not the one you pretend to feel. It is the kind of love God wants us to possess and show to our fellow human beings. It’s not a give and take love, it is sacrificial. It doesn’t require anything before it can be given, it’s selfless.

The last but not the least ‘Erotic love’: Most times many people misplace the true love with this kind of love. This kind of love is the most common. Erotic love is a sexual love; I call it worldly love. This is mainly the kind of love I see this day. Example, a boy saw a girl, the girl caught his attention; he walked up to the girl and wooed her; she accepted to be his girlfriend. They began dating, few weeks to their dating he started demanding sex from the girlfriend. He said to the girl “if you love me, prove it”. Guys do have sweet tongues when it comes to girls, they are good at making promises, promises they may never keep. Many girls have been deceived by that. Girls are deceived by what they hear while guys are deceived by what they see. Girls should mind what they listen to and whom they listen to. From the example above, a guy who demands sex just few weeks of dating, does not really love the girl; he came for the sex. Girls beware of sugar-

coated tongue men. Many are deceivers, ‘BEWARE!’

BOY/GIRL

RELATIONSHIP

Chapter 8

Who is a friend? A friend is the person who will stand by you at all times, in the good and in the bad times; She/he will always be available when you need him/her. He divides the sorrow, multiply your joy, subtract the past and add to tomorrow. He’s always there to give you a helping hand when you fall. He’s trustworthy and a friend indeed.

Friendship can be grouped into three types:

1. Platonic friendship: A platonic type of friendship is a pure relationship mostly between two opposite sex without sex being involved.

2. Casual friendship: This type of friendship is contrary to the platonic friendship.

3. Intimate friendship: This type of friendship is a close friendship, where the two partners know each other very well. They trust, respect, accept and know each other. When intimacy occurs in a relationship, it can lead to marriage. Most times, many think that when two people of the opposite sex are intimate, sex will be involved; the truth is not all intimacy involves sex. The basic ingredients to make friendship reach to the level of intimacy are: understanding, trust, respect, and knowing each other. Sex should be the last, which is seen in an intimate relationship in marriage.

Boy/girl relationship:

Looking into our world, we will see that any friendship between two opposite sex is mostly casual, friendship that involves sex. Many youth today believe that two people of the opposite sex cannot be in a relationship without sex being involved; the truth is, there are still youths who do not believe in sex before marriage and these youths can be in a relationship without sex being involved.

Most times, when it comes to friendship between boys and girls, the boys mostly want sex partners while girls want a friend. We have many play boys, but there are still some good ones, and they are hard to find. Due to the ignorance of many girls, this has made so many to sell their birth right to please their friends. When you’re in a relationship and your partner doesn’t respect and accept your standard of living, quit the relationship. Before entering a relationship, know yourself, your abilities, what you want in life and how you want to live your life; this will help you to keep to your decision when you’re in a relationship to avoid being manipulated. Anybody who truly loves you will always accept you the way you are, respect your decision and your standard of living.

There are many reasons why we go into relationship; most times we go into it to find love but some go for one reason or the other. Many guys go into it because of sex; some go because they need a friend. The important thing is to know yourself and know the kind of friendship you want to be in. Any friendship you are in affects you positively or negatively. It is your choice to know the type you want.

SEX

Chapter 9

Sex is the most common thing now, and the easiest thing to do. What is sex? Sex is the physical activity two people do together to produce babies. Types of sex; there are many types of sex, but I will talk on two types, which are:

1. Anal sex: it is sex through the anus

2. Casual sex: sex with different people.

Sex has been misused in our society. God invented sex, and he invented it for the married only. But now young boys and girls are now engaging in sex. Sex is seen everywhere, in films, music, magazines, newspaper, TV etc. It is the most discussed topic this days. Sex is now accessible for teens. Teenagers are often not discouraged from having sex; instead, they are encouraged to use condoms. Telling a teenager to use condom is like telling a child to be careful with a knife.

Condom is rated as 75% to 85% effective against pregnancy and STD. The scripture is a perfect example of what God is telling us. “And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma; But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints” Eph 5:2,3. He also said we should flee from all forms of fornication.

our body is the temple of God; do not defile it. To call yourself a Christian and behave differently from God’s word is not reasonable. The word of God cannot be changed. Sex outside marriage will never be right no matter how

long we live or how the world may change. There is no such thing as safe sex unless you go by the design of God. Nothing is safe when it comes to sex, there are many children in the world today who were born to someone who wore a condom. There are many in the world that has AIDS and other STD and they wore condoms. It is better to wait until marriage before having sex. There is much pressure out there but the reward of waiting outweighs the temporary pleasure of pre-marital sex.

I have heard some people say that sex urges cannot be controlled. that one of the qualities God gave to man is self control; we need to control our body, nobody can do it for us. Will you put your hand inside fire because others have done so? The answer is no. Therefore let’s abstain from sex because it is the best option we can take.

The inventor of sex is God. Sex has been in existence before we were born, so nobody can say he/she knows more about it than the one who invented it. God created everything in this life, and whatever he created has reasons and purpose he wants to achieve with that. Even if you’re not a Christian and you don’t believe in God, I do believe that you feel there’s a supreme being, someone or something greater than you. If you don’t feel that way, at least “death” should make you think twice.

One thing in life is that we’re not perfect, we make mistakes. I have weighed the two lives which are sex before marriage and remaining chaste, and I discovered that there is nothing greater than waiting. He who waits enjoys more. As they say “A patient dog eats the fattest bone”. If you can be honest, ask yourself this question; “since I have been having sex, what have I benefitted from it”? Has it made me grow stronger or added any value to my life? If one is honest in his/her answers, one will find out that it never adds anything to his/her life. There is always fear of getting pregnant, fear of contracting any disease, fear of heartbreak, there are so many things to fear, the above are physical; what about the emotional pain? Anytime you take pill, have you asked yourself the effects of those pills may have on you? I’m not a doctor and I don’t know the effects,

but I do know that in life whatever has advantages has disadvantages. It may protect you from being pregnant; but can it protect you from emotional pain and regrets it can bring? Answer for yourself. There are many teen mothers out there; sometimes I wonder why they still get pregnant with all the anti-pregnant pills and condoms we have now; it shows me one thing, they are not 100 percent protective. Even if they are 99.99 percent protective, what happens to the one percent? It still means the same. Medically, condoms are not 100 percent protective. My dear, there is nothing like abstinence, when you abstain; you don’t have to fear anything, there is this peace you will feel within you. Sex is worth waiting for.

So many believe there are no more virgins, but I can tell you there are plenty of them out there. Some people will try to deceive you with the words “everyone is doing it”. Not everyone is doing it, even non Christians. One thing about this virginity is if you lose it, you have lost it. It’s something you don’t just throw away with ease; you guard it jealously. Some who have lost theirs will tell you so many lies just to make you be like them. Since I was born, I have never heard anything that being a virgin will cause, instead it protects. I know in this world, there are so many lies from the pit of hell against being a virgin. None of those lies are true, if you doubt make your own research. In this day, the most difficult thing to do is abstain while the easiest thing to do is have sex. If you’re a virgin, don’t go about telling people about it, many will try to say something bad that may make you compromise your decision. Let me tell you something you may not know, those who always have something bad to say about being a virgin are jealous of you; they know they can never regain theirs. If you’re a virgin guard yours jealously. Keep yourself for that man you will truly love that will love you the same. If you’re not, you can still make the decision to stop having sex till you marry. Don’t let anyone decide your life for you, make your own decision and be able for it.

Consequences of Premarital Sex

Regrets: There are certain things we do that we later regret, even though we may not regret it now, certainly in the future we will surely regret it. Most times those who were sexually active before marriage regret it after marriage. I have never seen a mother who wished her daughter to be a prostitute nor have I seen a father who wished his son is a womanizer. I don’t think any reasonable parent can ever wish such for his child; even parents who lived such life in the past cannot wish their children to live the same type of life. -Many times parents don’t share their past with their kids because they are ashamed of the life they lived. I know the greatest wish and prayer in the heart of every parent is for his/her child to grow into a responsible and important human being in the future. If all these are true, why then do we prefer destroying our future because of today’s pleasure?

Being able of our choice: When a boy decides to have sex, he should be responsible for anything that comes out of it; A boy cannot be having sex with a girl when he gets her pregnant and demands for an abortion. He has to be ready to father the child because the child has every right to live. I have heard so many girls and boys say they are not ready to be a mother or a father; if they are not ready why have sex? Why can’t they keep themselves until they are ready to face the consequences of their actions. Sin beget sin, first a girl commits the sin of fornication, now, she is pregnant and want to terminate the life of another. Have you asked yourself this, “If my mother had aborted me, will I be alive by now?” Answer for yourself. Count the cost before pulling off your clothes.

Unhealthy living: The way we live our life determines how long we’re going to live. It has been noted that girls who start having sex in their teens are prone to have cervical cancer later in life. Abstinence is the surest way of preventing any STDS. You may be lucky, may be you have escape from STDS and pregnancy but you must face one consequence.

LIES ABOUT SEX

Lie 1

Sex keeps a guy:

Some girls believe that having sex with their boyfriends can make the guy stick to them. This is one big lie. Why is there increase in break up? When a girl has sex with her boyfriend to keep him, he will easily get tired of her and leave but if she doesn’t have sex with him, whether he leaves or not, he will always respect her. Any responsible guy will never leave his girl because she doesn’t have sex with him. We (girls) shouldn’t change our decisions because a guy leaves our life. Any guy who leaves a girl because of the way she chooses to live her life is not worthy of her. No matter how difficult it may be, we should learn to stand up to our decisions and not allow anybody to make us do what we don’t want to do. You will surely meet a guy who will love and respect you for who you are and not for anything. If your guy leaves you because You don’t want to have sex with him, have it in mind he never loved you; he came to take advantage of you, and chances are he has done it before to many girls.

Lie 2

Sex before marriage makes one to have an exciting sex life in marriage:

Marriage is not only about sex; sex is not the major thing in marriage. If a couple have an exciting sex life, sex alone cannot make the marriage last. A marriage

that can stand the test of time is the one built on trust, true love, understanding, Commitment, sex is even the last thing.

Lie 3

Sex before marriage will help one to know how committed he/she can be in marriage:

This is a big lie from the pit of hell. Pre-marital sex can never make you to be committed. Any relationship that starts with sex as the basic thing has 99 percent of having problems in the future which may lead to a divorce. This doesn’t mean there is no marriage without a problem, every marriage has its challenges, but it is the foundation of that marriage will determine how the marriage will be. This is why it’s good to start your marriage on a good foundation. You may ask, “How can I start my marriage on a good foundation”? The best time to lay a good foundation for your marriage is during dating or courtship. It is the period you have to know the real person you’re dating not the time to know your partner in a physical way. There was a story about a man who met a woman; during their courtship all they do is have sex. The woman used sex to blind the man from seeing her real self. The man thought he was in love with the lady few months to their relationship they got married. The marriage did not end well. The lady was a gold digger who came to the man’s life because of his money. It is good to date at least for a period of six months to a year. The longer you date the longer your chances of knowing your partner well. This period of dating is not for sex; if the temptation will be much, is better not to prolong the dating.

How to Abstain

Make a commitment: If you have made a decision about what’s best for

your life, you won’t be likely to give in to your desires. Make a promise to yourself that you won’t engage in any sexual activity until you are married. The best way to make sure you stick to your promise is to share your promise to anybody you trust, somebody older than you. It’s better if the person you’re dating knows your decision concerning sex so he or she can you.

Keep your brain in control: Even though your body may send other messages, having sex even once can affect your life negatively forever. The only 100percent safe sex is not having sex at all. Though some forms of birth controls can protect you from sexually transmitted diseases, HIV infection and pregnancy, but they’re not without failure and there is no such thing as a condom for your heart. The best time to enjoy sexual relationship is in marriage, where you know the person you’re intimate with is healthy and where a pregnancy would mean a baby born with two loving parents.

Keep yourself from temptation: Be prepared to say “no” but stay out of situations that might require it. If you’re in a close relationship, avoid situations where sex will be a temptation. Even if your companion is just a friend, as long as is someone of the opposite sex, protect yourself from doing something you will regret. Don’t always stay in private or in a hidden places with your friend, spend time together in public and in groups. Don’t say you are strong that nothing will happen; Samson was the strongest yet couldn’t overcome it. David was also strong but couldn’t overcome the temptation.

Decide for yourself: Even the most careful couples find themselves in compromising circumstances; When things start to get hot and heavy, know where and how to put on the brakes, plan what you will say and do to keep your commitment to purity. Say something like, “I really do care about you, but I don’t want to have sex until I’m married” be as clear and firm as possible.Lisa Brock’

TIPS

FOR

BOYS

AND

GIRLS

Chapter 10

1. The most precious thing you can give to your husband as a woman is your virginity. 2. A minute pleasure can lead you to hell. 3. Gift from men are like fish baits. 4. The best thing to do in a difficult sexual situation is to RUN like Joseph did in the bible. 5. Self control means you have to control yourself. You cannot ask anyone to help you control yourself. 6. The only thing wrong with being a virgin is there are not enough people who are smart enough to make the choice. 7. Your peers are often the worst counselors. This is often like the blind leading the blind. 8. There is no such thing as safe sex. Sex can be safer with certain precautions but sex is never “safe”. There are always risks. 9. It is better to wait after marriage to have sex than to have to go through constant feeling of guilt after the act. 10. When you are young, it is more important to get an education and develop yourself as an individual than it is to win the approval of others. 11. The Bible states that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Whatever is on the inside of a person will eventually come out of his or her mouth. 12. Do not judge the opposite sex by physical appearance. The cutest or the most handsome is not always the best.

13. The more you know about the purpose of sex the less likely you are to abuse it. 14. Love is patient and kind, not selfish. Be careful of impatient love. 15. Sexual intercourse is not unique. Anyone can have sex but not everyone can experience “right sex”. 16. Sex never causes people to love each other. If sex caused love the world would be a very lovely place. 17. Love can be expressed sexually in the right time and place (marriage). 18. The best things in life are often the most simple. A kind word and consideration can work wonders. 19. Love creates feeling, but love is not a feeling. Don’t let feelings lead you into believing it is love. 20. Experience is not the best teacher when it comes to sex. Trust is the best teacher. 21. True friends are people who respect each other convictions. 22. Listening to “love songs” creates a desire for “love”. Be careful what you feed your mind with. 23. Most of the messages in the media today about love are in fact messages about lust. 24. Love seeks the best in others. Can you say that about the person who is interested in you? 25. There is no school for love and relationships. You have to educate yourself with the word of God before you enter it. 26. You can tell what direction a person is heading to by the friends he/she keeps. 27. The way you dress determines your value. Dress like a prostitude and you

will be treated like one. Men are stimulated by sight. 28. God never deals with your body. He tells you to control your own desires. 29. God will never zip up your pants or put your clothes back on for you. 30. Never enter a relationship to change someone. The worst place to change someone is in the context of a relationship. 31. Do not what is not for sale. Keep hidden the parts of your body that are designed to be private. 32. Never go out with a guy who will not go to church with you. If he loves you so much he would go with you to what you think is important. 33. If he or she says “if you love me you will do it,” this is a clear sign that he/she doesn’t love you. People who love you do not pressure you into doing something you did not plan on doing. 34. Be careful of a guy who would come to your house to meet your parents and act the part of a good boy only to take advantage of you later. 35. Good looks are important but good character is much more important. 36. Choose to go out only with the person you get married to. 37. Look for the qualities in others that you would like others to see in you. 38. Be careful the way you live your life because you don’t know when you will die. 39. There is nothing wrong with making yourself physically attractive as long as it does not become an obsession. 40. Alcohol and drugs are a prescription for sexual compromise. Virgins should stay away from alcohol. 41. If a guy begs you and coerces you for sex, chances are he has done the same to someone. 42. You only have one body. If you damage it, there is no replacement.

43. Those who give into sexual pressure lose out later in life. Those who hold out now, win when it counts most. 44. The most valuable commodity is the one that is unused. The same applies to your sexuality. 45. Count the cost before you take your clothes off. Are you willing to pay the price? 46. Sex is never without consequence. Sex is always tied to a responsibility. 47. Premarital sex is never free. Someone always pays one way or another. 48. Be patient with yourself and others. Being young means having the opportunity to change and grow. 49. The Bible is still the best source of information when it comes to sex and relationships. After all, it came from the creator. 50. Be careful of guys who make big promises. In most cases, they cannot and will never deliver. 51. Animals have sex by instinct. Humans are supposed to have sex by choice. 52. Most men who are sexually active still prefer a virgin when they want to get married. 53. The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. 54. There is a way which seems right to a man but its end is the way to death. 55. A wise man is cautious and turns away from evil, but a fool throws off restraint and is careless. 56. The eyes of the lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good.

Extracted from Sex and Dating

Have we? [Poem of thought]

Have we asked ourselves while our body yields to rest at nights?

How do we grow from being a fetus to being an adult to old age?

Have we asked ourselves why we grow old, why can’t we remain young all the rest of lives?

Have we asked ourselves why we fall sick? Does it mean scientist cannot find something to make us immune from all kinds of diseases?

Have we asked ourselves why we go hungry? Why can’t we live without food?

Why is there day and night?

Why are some people short, some tall and some average?

Why are some people white, some black, and some reddish? Why can’t the whole people in this world have the same color?

Have we asked ourselves why natural disasters do occur?

Have we asked ourselves how the world came to be?

Why do we have feelings?

Why every living thing does dies? Why can’t we live forever?

Who invented sex?

How human existence does came to be?

Who were the first people on earth?

Why is earth the only place human beings are?

Is there really a God? If there is not, how do all these things came to be?

Why can’t we read the hearts of our fellow human?

Why don’t we see beyond our physical eyes?

Why is child birth painful?

Can a child know the secret past of his father if the father didn’t tell him?

Can a slave know more about his master’s past, presents and thoughts?

If you really think there is no God, think again and ask yourselves the above questions.

There are certain things we can never change. No matter how civilized the world becomes. There are certain questions we can never answer. There are many things we can never have control over “it just happens”.

All these are proof that God exists, and those things we cannot have control of nor change are his “WILL;” The “will of God” which can never be changed no matter how developed we become.

Words of Wisdom

Living the life God wants us to live will give us less problems in life. We shouldn’t do things because others are doing. We should learn to be ourselves; you don’t have to be a slave to anybody. Many times what majority does is not always right. America is a free country; a country where character is not question as long as is not against the law.

Living the God’s way of life we save us so much heartache. The way we live determines how long we shall live. Be your own boss.

References

• Stanley, C. F. (2005) Life Principle Bible • Gideon Memorial Bible (Nashville, TN 37214) • Sex and Dating • Marriagemax.com (internet) • Brook, Lisa (internet blog) • Free Encyclopedia