The Internal Workings Of A Road Trip 6a131b

The Internal Workings of a

ROAD TRIP

By Dan Garland

AuthorHouse™ 1663 Liberty Drive Bloomington, IN 47403 www.authorhouse.com Phone: 1 (800) 839-8640

© 2016 Dan Garland. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 01/10/2017

ISBN: 978-1-5246-5195-4 (sc) ISBN: 978-1-5246-5194-7 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016919547

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

The Garlands Load Up for the Road Trip

First Day on the Job

Reporting for Work

The Command Center

Electric Seat Move

Seat Belt Group

Takeoff

Side Mirror Group

Antenna Extension Group

Child Locks

Moonroof

Electric Defroster

Radio

Cabin Air Flow

Turn Signals

Movie Player

Cruise Control

Speedometer

Emergency Brake

Gas Gauge

Garage-Door Opener

Mr. Garland Falls Asleep

The Hero

Electric Window Group

Odometer

Seat Warmer

Clock

Outside Temperature Department

Vanity Mirror

Joe Gets Promoted

External Gas Door Button

Headlights

Gear Shifter

Horn

Power Plug

Dome Light Group

Windshield Wipers

The Garlands Reach Their Destination

Thank you to everyone we cannot see, who helps us in our daily lives.

The Internal Workings of a Road Trip

The Garlands Load Up for the Road Trip

The Garland house was a hub of activity as the family prepared to leave on their big summer road trip. Shuffling unhappily to the front door with their luggage were the three teenaged Garlands—Chase, Jake, and Camryn. As expected, they successfully hid any glimmer of excitement, joy, or zest for the trip, obsessing over how the looming family time together would interfere with their phone viewing, Xbox playing, Internet surfing, and FaceTiming activities. Once at the car, they jockeyed to get their preferred positions—the seat with most legroom, the seat farthest away from their parents, the seat closest to the power supply plug, the seat that reclined the most. This was ultimately determined by pushing, shouting, arguing, and whining. Once everyone was settled, the siblings put in earbuds, and the sound of silence fell over the vehicle. Mr. Garland was pacing around the car while mumbling to himself about timelines and estimating the best route to drive. He was in adamant denial that a smartphone could determine the route much better and more quickly than he could. Because dads always thought they knew better. After completing his mental marathon, he strategically loaded the back of the SUV as if he were building a well-fortified Lego castle in order to protect his family from fastmoving, scary, and fierce invaders. Mom came out next, carrying bags, a notepad, several pens, snacks, and a pillow clutched under her arm, making the death-defying crossing from the front door to the car without incident. The last one out was Parker, who was currently in a digital trance, playing Xbox on fifty-five inches of splendid HD glory. His trance was broken by the silence that rarely happened in his house. It was just him and Cosmo, the family dog, left alone in the abode. He immediately jumped up, turned off the TV, grabbed his green blanket, and ran out the front door, Cosmo bounding closely at his heels. He opened the door to the SUV’s center section, and they jumped into their designated spots for family adventures. Once the car was successfully loaded with family, luggage, and assorted cargo,

they were ready to get on the road as soon as Mr. Garland filled the gas tank.

When they pulled into the gas station, everyone went through their usual routines. Mr. Garland filled the tank, Mrs. Garland went to the bathroom, and the teenagers tried talking their mom into buying enough candy to put the Easter Bunny into a sugar-induced coma. It was only Parker who sat quietly at the window, watching his dad at the pump as he slid the credit card in the slot, punched a button to select the type of gas he wanted, removed the nozzle, and started filling up the SUV. To everyone else, it was a very normal, unexciting activity, but for Parker, it was something almost magical, and in his mind, he felt something mysterious was happening when his dad plugged that nozzle into the car.

First Day on the Job

Meanwhile, nearby, Joe had stepped out of a cab, grabbed his luggage, and carried it to the terminal curb. The air was thick with the smell of gasoline, and the sun was just starting to peek over the horizon, reflecting off the dew-covered vessels surrounding the terminal. For most, it was a normal workday, but for Joe, it was the beginning of a new life.

He had recently received a letter informing him of the exact day and time to show up for his new position of co-captain and how he should dress. So there he stood, waiting by the curb, head down while staring at his Facebook on his phone. Moments later, Captain Douglas McArcher walked up behind him, tapped him on the shoulder, and motioned with his head for Joe to follow him through the terminal doors. Joe put his phone in his pocket, grabbed his bag, and jogged to catch up to the briskly moving captain.

They weaved through security lines and informed the security agents who they were and what they were carrying. Once they were checked, verified, and cleared, they proceeded to the all-knowing “Monitor of Oz,” a large wall filled from floor to ceiling with blinking monitors constantly changing words, numbers, and instructions. The monitors told everyone in the terminal where their mission would take them and what gate they should head to. Joe and Captain Doug scanned the monitors to find their names. They both smiled when they saw they were assigned to Lake Pleasant for their next mission. Captain Doug pulled out a captain’s key on a chain around his neck, approached the wall, and inserted the key into the slot. When he turned the key, the wall made a humming sound, like a vending machine dispensing a can of soda. Joe heard something falling to the bottom of the monitor wall, which Captain Doug retrieved by reaching into a black plastic door at the bottom of the wall. It was the sealed mission envelope. He slid his finger across the double envelope seal and scanned the details of the mission, which he reported to Joe: a family of six was being transported in their vessel, and they were responsible for their safety, comfort, and arrival at their destination. Joe tried peeking over Captain Doug’s shoulder to see if he could get any more details about the family. But the captain twisted his body to hide the orders, his annoyance a reminder that Joe was the co-captain, and some information remained classified. The two men resumed walking through the terminal until they reached gate 8, where a large woman stood. She was dressed in a very professional, welltailored, neatly pressed suit. Her hair was perfectly pulled back as if she had scared each strand into remaining in position. Her posture gave the impression this gate was her classroom and any who entered were her elementary schoolchildren. She stood at the podium as if she would announce a spelling test at any time. But her job was to prevent anyone from entering the ramp doorway behind her before they were called. She took her job very seriously, and even though they were the captain and co-captain, she sternly informed Joe and Captain Doug the rules applied to them as well, and all personnel were to remain in the waiting area until the gate doors were opened. Both men set their bags down and took out their phones to the time until their vessel arrived.

Reporting for Work

The waiting area was full by the time the gate agent announced over the loudspeaker that the vessel had arrived and workers would load according to zones. Joe and Captain Doug looked at their tickets. They were both zone 2, so it was soon their turn to board. The doors opened, and they shimmied through the turnstile, hurried down the ramp, and stood in line next to the roller coaster located to their right, inside the gate tunnel. The front coaster attendant stationed near the ramp area raised his hand as the back attendant hit the button that released the car’s security bars. Joe and Captain Doug stepped to their right and into the coaster. After they put on their helmets and goggles, they buckled their seat belts and pulled the over-theshoulder seat restraints down and clamped them into place. The front attendant raised

his hands again, and the back attendant hit a second button that released the coaster, which started its slow ascent up the launch pad and then paused as it reached the crest of the hill. The coaster balanced at the top for a moment before the bottom fell out beneath the riders’ feet. To Joe, it felt like someone had yanked the coaster down a steep cliff and propelled it through a long, dark tube. The cars gained speed, going faster and faster until the coaster made a gravity-defying loop and shot into a larger tube before coming to a screeching stop at their final destination. To the outside world, Parker’s dad was simply putting fuel in the SUV. But the car crew knew they were the tiny people who worked in the walls, seats, floors, and ceiling to make the car work. The pump was the terminal where everyone’s orders were displayed on the Monitor of Oz. The roller coaster ride started in the gas pump terminal the moment Parker’s dad squeezed the gas nozzle; the long, dark tube was the hose, the dizzying loop was the journey through the handle, and the last large tunnel was the gas tank’s neck. While the captain seemed unfazed, having done it thousands of times before, the fast ride thrilled Joe. He thought it was an awesome way to get to work. As a child, Joe always wished he could have slides throughout his house so he could jump out of bed and slide all the way to the kitchen for breakfast. Taking a roller coaster to work was even better.

The Command Center

They stepped off the roller coaster and into a large, open corridor within the vehicle walls where people could observe the open cabin. Joe and Captain Doug followed the rest of the workers as they moved toward their workstations. They ed many types of people: vendors selling pretzels, pizza, beer, and souvenirs; Vikings; some construction workers; pretty girls dressed for a party; a farmer; an ant; Roman solders; Boy Scouts; a NASCAR pit crew; two sumo wrestlers; guys in a band; and a scientist with an awkward, nervous shuffle. Captain Doug grabbed Joe’s elbow and pointed to the club-level elevators, which were the way to the bridge. The loudspeaker crackled an announcement informing the crew there were only three minutes left to ignition and all workers needed to head to their assigned workstations immediately. Everyone’s pace picked up as they hustled to their places. The elevators opened up directly inside the captain’s bridge lookout, located inside the vehicle’s rearview mirror. The room was narrow, with one wall covered in one-way windows so they could look out but nobody in the car could see them. In the center of the room was a console filled with monitors, buttons, slides, knobs, and a microphone that hung front and center. This console was the captain’s perch, where he could monitor the computers and look out over the entire operation. As Joe walked around the room, a barrage of emotions flickered through his mind. But his excitement was slowly replaced by nervousness as he stood in front of the captain and stared out the wall of windows, which gave a panoramic view of the car’s interior. Both the driver’s and front enger’s seats were empty. On the center console was a notepad, some snacks, and an iPad. The third row was littered with pillows and electrical cords. The only occupant was a child resting his head against the glass, clutching a green blanket in his fist and sucking his thumb. The boy’s eyes were fixated on watching his father pump gas, and Joe wondered what thoughts were spinning in the youngster’s mind.

Electric Seat Move

“Move!” Captain Doug barked. Joe jumped out of the way, snapping his attention off the boy and back to the bridge. He realized he had no idea where he was supposed to be.The captain asked Joe, “Why weren’t you going through the checklist for ignition?” He looked out the window and saw Mr. Garland hang up the gas nozzle and walk toward the driver’s-side door. Captain Doug shouted, “Co-captain, notify the electric seat group—now!” Joe froze, completely lost. The captain rolled his eyes, grabbed the microphone, and informed the electric seat group to prepare for action. Then he turned to Joe. “If you don’t know what that is, take the elevator down to the second floor to see how it works.” Joe took the elevator and hit the button for the second floor. The doors opened up under the driver’s seat. When he stepped out of the elevator, Joe could see four long, narrow Viking boats fastened to each corner underneath the seat. There were ten rowers, five on each side, with a commander on the back of the boat holding a megaphone to direct the oarsmen and wearing an earpiece to communicate with the bridge. The boats were made of wood, with the bow carved in the shape of a mermaid. Joe could see the names of the boats engraved under the mermaids: Mercedes, Infiniti, Lexus, and Ferrari.

On order from the bridge, the four Viking commanders stood up and extended their arms straight out, signaling the oarsmen to prepare for action. When each of the boat commanders raised his arms overhead, all the oarsmen rotated their oars straight into the air. On the captain’s command, the commanders rotated their arms in big circles and the oarsmen dug their oars in and pulled, which moved the seat forward. Three more times the commanders swung their arms and then shouted through their megaphones, “Pull!” and three more times the seat was moved forward. Joe watched the perfectly synchronized movement in complete amazment. Once the seat was in position, the Viking rowers pulled their oars back into the boats for storage. Aware of the curious looks from the commanders, Joe took the elevator back to the bridge, where he stood quietly in the back of the room and watched the captain busily preparing the next group. Joe saw Mr. Garland settle into his adjusted seat and reach over his shoulder for the seat belt. At the same time, Captain Doug turned one of the knobs on the console until the digital readout read: seat belt group.

Seat Belt Group

Joe lifted himself onto his toes to see the monitor Captain Doug was watching. It was a live feed from an area just beyond the Vikings, where a large crane sat on rotating tracks made of thick metal. On top of the crane was a smokestack spewing smoke and a small room where the crane operator sat. Attached to the back was a large spool with a thick, wide belt wrapped around it. The belt ran up and over the boom.

Hanging from the belt was a large metal buckle. The front of the buckle was open, and inside were two workers who would ride the buckle when it was in motion and guide it to the square receptacle. Inside the receptacle was the buckle receiver group, who were in charge of locking the buckle into place, using a series of pins, like a bank vault. The foreman—a short, fat man with a cigar—was standing near the crane, watching the rearview mirror, waiting for the captain to give the order. When the foreman heard the order on his earpiece, he looked up at he crane operator, thrust his hand in the air, and twirled his finger. The crane rumbled to life, smoke belching out of the stack as the operator released the safety latch. The seat belt started spinning off the spool, zipped up the mast, and flopped over the top of the boom, causing the buckle to fly through the air. The workers in the buckle grasped the handrails, rushing through the air as the buckle got closer and closer to the slot entrance on the receiving area. The foreman shouted, “Three, two, one!” as the buckle slid into the slot and the receiver workers locked the pins into place with a loud click.

Takeoff

Up on the bridge, Captain Doug made a check on his clipboard to show the seat belt procedure was complete for Mr. Garland. Joe noticed that the other engers were coming back to the car. The teenagers climbed in and reclaimed their spots and electronics. Mrs. Garland was carrying a cardboard tray filled with candy and drinks for everyone, which she handed out before getting into the car. After making sure her children were all safely buckled in, Mrs. Garland fastened her own seat belt and shut the door, which signaled Captain Doug that takeoff was imminent. The slam of the car door meant it was time for the next item on the checklist. Captain Doug turned to everybody working on the bridge. “Brace for movement!” he yelled, the urgency in his voice prompting the workers to immediately grab on to safety rails bolted to each wall and to the floor.

Wondering why everyone was rushing around, Joe watched as Mr. Garland reached up and gripped the rearview mirror, his hand and fingers causing a dark shadow to fall over the bridge. Suddenly realizing what was happening, Joe managed to grab a rail at the last second to keep from sliding across the room as Mr. Garland moved the rearview mirror up and down and then back and forth to position it perfectly for his sightline. Once the bridge stopped moving, Captain Doug called Joe over. “I hope you’re paying attention. You need to learn the captain’s responsibilities as quickly as possible. It won’t be long before you’ll take control of the vessel, and the lives of the engers will depend on your decisions and judgment.” Joe nodded nervously. “Yes, sir.” “Good. Now watch and learn how the side mirror group works.”

Side Mirror Group

The side mirror group was stationed in a large, white room located in the housing behind the driver’s-side mirror. NASA scientist Dr. Hubble was in charge, helped by two assistants. Old and short with a long, scraggly beard, Dr. Hubble wore thick glasses that made his eyes look magnified. After hearing the captain’s alert, Dr. Hubble positioned himself at a monitor near a cone-shaped metal structure that looked like a large telescope with a ladder attached. One assistant stood next to him, while the other climbed the ladder to the top of the cone, ready to make any adjustments. As Mr. Garland pressed the side-view control, Dr. Hubble peered intently through his lenses at the data appearing on the monitor. “Left!” Dr. Hubble called out, and his assistant on top of the ladder pushed the control lever to the left, causing the entire cone to shift. “Now down!” the old scientist yelled. The cone shifted once more, and then the monitor went dark. Dr. Hubble pressed the intercom button to the bridge. “The mirror is set, Captain. Our task is complete.”

Antenna Extension Group

When Mr. Garland turned the ignition key to start the engine, Captain Doug sent Joe to the antenna extension group. He stepped out of the elevator and followed signs to a small, round room with a large mast in the center that had ropes tied to the top. The room was dimly lit, like a movie theater. Sitting at a table were five Boy Scouts reading their handbooks. Seconds after Joe entered the room, a red phone on the wall rang. The lead scout stood and answered. It was the captain with an order to hoist the antenna. The Eagle Scout commanded the others to surround the pole and then flipped a toggle switch located next to the phone, which caused the floor around the mast to retract. Smoke, heat, and light rose up from the base of the mast. The other four scouts grabbed a rope and began to pull, one hand over the other. To keep tempo, they recited, “Pull more, pull together, pull steady.” The light from under the mast became brighter as the top of the antenna exited through the ceiling, rising further and further into the air. With a final heave on the ropes, the scouts raised the mast completely up. The floor squeezed shut, securing the bottom of the antenna while the top swung in the breeze. The scouts secured their ropes on wall hooks, each boy tying a different kind of intricate knot. Joe watched the lead Eagle Scout hand the other boys merit badges. Then he left to go back to the bridge.

Child Locks

While walking back to the elevator, Joe ed by a cold, dark room with two wooden doors. Curious, he stepped in and saw a sign that read: Child Lock Personnel Only. As he stood looking around, a spotlight illuminated a circle of light on a curtain that ran the length of the left side of the room. The curtain split open, as if a boat were cutting through the water. A wooden contraption appeared, causing Joe to take a deep breath. The structure had two thick posts holding up a headboard that almost reached the ceiling. A rope was looped over the top of the headboard. Tied to the rope was a large hammer that swung slowly in the air. The other end of the rope stretched across the room and was tied to a hook with a knot that would make any Eagle Scout proud. Standing near the structure was a hooded man dressed all in black, holding a shiny blade that sparkled in the spotlight. Joe heard the crackle of an intercom, followed by Captain Doug’s voice. “Child lock, engage now!” The man in black raised his arms, lifting the heavy blade high in the air. He took a deep breath, bent his knees, and let out a blood-curdling yell as he slammed the blade down and sliced through the rope. The hammer plummeted toward the ground and landed on a small pin sticking up. The force of the hammer drove the pin deep into the ground. Joe heard a loud click, indicating the child lock was now engaged. Even without having to ask, Joe knew the lock was meant to protect the Garlands’ eight-year-old son, Parker. The man in black disappeared behind the curtain, and Joe realized he also needed to go. He made his way back up to the captain’s bridge before anyone noticed how long he’d been gone. Captain Doug looked like he was starting to relax after the stressful beginning of the trip. He was leaning back in his chair, starting to doze off. One eye was completely shut, and the other was fluttering until he caught a glimpse of Mrs. Garland rolling her shoulders back. The captain’s eyes snapped open, and he sat straight up. He watched her stretch her neck—left, right, and then start fidgeting in her seat. “Darn!” The captain stood and shouted, “Mom’s getting bored!” He motioned

Joe over and said, “, we never know what’s next. All we know is that something will always have to be done. Be prepared for anything.”

Moonroof

Everyone on the captain’s bridge was quiet in anticipation. They stared into the SUV’s cabin, fixated on Mrs. Garland, waiting for her next movement. Someone noticed her hand beginning to raise, up past the gear shifter, past the radio, past the blower switch, past the GPS. It looked like she was reaching for the rearview mirror, causing everyone to scramble for a safety rail. Luckily, instead her index finger landed on the moonroof button. The captain grabbed his microphone. “Bridge to Paul Bunyan: wake up the oxen.” Joe ed walking past a farmer in the corridor at the start of the mission and correctly assumed that was whom the captain was talking to, since farmers have oxen. He walked to the back of the room and leaned against the wall. Joe pulled out his phone, opened his Facebook app, and with a bit of luck found Bunyan’s page. In his profile picture, he was posing with a blue ox.

Bunyan’s profile stated that he lived on the topside of the moonroof window shade in a small farming village. The page was filled with photos. One showed his house, a small cabin with a small barn. There were no trees or other houses anywhere to be seen in the pictures. Outside his front door was a round, wooden post that had a board nailed to it. On both ends of the board was a harness so Bunyan could secure an ox to each side. Another picture showed how the oxen would walk in a circle, causing the post to turn. This operation must have been used many times, Joe thought, noticing that the grass was worn down and there was a dirt path in a perfect circle where the ox had walked again and again. One end of a rope was attached to the post, and as it turned, the rope wound around the post, like thread winding on a spool. The rope extended up to a nearby power pole and then looped from pole to pole until it reached the back of the moonroof cover. As the oxen walked, the rope slowly pulled the cover back. One of the oxen grunted in exertion. The sound echoed throughout the cabin. Mr. Garland turned to his wife. “Sounds like the moonroof needs some more grease.” Little did he know how much oxen love to eat grass covered in grease. When the moonroof was fully uncovered, Mrs. Garland took her finger off the button and looked up through the glass. She smiled and watched the big, puffy clouds dance in the sky. But when she looked back through the front windshield, she could see dark rain clouds on the horizon. Unconcerned, she looked back up and resumed smiling.

Electric Defroster

Joe was watching the two eldest Garland teenagers, who were sitting in the farback seat. Both had earbuds in place, heads leaned back against the seat, mouths wide open, and their eyes shut. While this was good for keeping the peace, it also caused the back window to fog up. Just seconds after the captain noticed, so did Mr. Garland when he glanced at his sleeping beauties through the rearview mirror. Time to turn on the rear defroster. From the engers’ perspective, the thin, dark lines in the glass were what heated up to clear the fog. That was just what the captain wanted people to think. Joe was about to learn that the truth was much more detailed. Captain Doug picked up his microphone and ed the rear defroster department, causing an immediate flurry of activity. The department was located in an uncovered park with an oval racetrack made of dirt. A white fence encircled the entire track. There were eight lanes, each separated by a line in the dirt. At the top of the oval was a metal gate holding back eight horses attached to chariots. A squeegee was attached to the back of each chariot. The jockeys stood in their chariots, tensed and waiting for the race to start.

A man with a long red coat, tall black hat, white pants, knee-high black boots, and an extended trumpet slowly walked onto the track, across each of the dark lines separating the lanes. He stopped at the top of the track, put the horn to his lips, and played “Call to the Post,” a short piece of music that let the jockeys know the race was about to start. The trumpet call made the horses snort and hop. The jockeys grabbed the reins and made sure their squeegees were in proper position behind their chariots. A voice came over the loudspeaker: “Jockeys, make sure your horses are in the correct gate. Studebaker Shaker, gate one; Mustang Sally, two; Trans Am Cam, three; PT Boozer, four; Jeeper Creeper, five; Hummer De Drummer, six; Macy’s Charger, seven; and Little Red Corvette, eight.” The track announcer, the jockeys, and the horses all waited for the captain’s signal. On the bridge, Joe listened in anticipation as Captain Doug counted down. “On your mark … get set … go!” The gates flung open, the horses jumped, the jockeys were screaming, the chariots’ wheels were spinning, and the squeegees were dragging. The horses and jockeys raced across the thin line tracks on the rear window, wiping it clean of all moisture. All eight horses raced from one side to the other before anyone in the cabin noticed. When Mr. Garland glanced into the rearview mirror, everyone on the bridge could tell he was pleased at how clean the back window looked. Joe thought that was one of the most entertaining ways to get some work done. As the horses reached the finish line and the jockeys congratulated each other, Joe looked down toward the seat belt construction workers. All of them had been watching in anticipation, hands clutching their betting tickets, yelling and jumping up and down to root for the horse they had bet on. As Macy’s Charger crossed the finish line first, one of the workers punched his arms up into the air and did a little victory dance. The foreman ripped up his ticket in disgust, having lost yet another race. Joe hoped he could get in on the action the next time the windows fogged up.

Radio

Even Joe knew the radio was the biggest source of contention on any road trip. In the Garland household, when Mr. Garland was driving, he made all the decisions. He was the ruler of the car. He was the one who told everyone what to do. He was the one who made the final decisions on where they went, how they went, when they went, and who would go—as long as Mrs. Garland wasn’t around. So when opening the moonroof no longer kept her attention, when her snacks were almost empty and the silence got too much for her to handle, Mrs. Garland searched the car for something to grab her attention. Once again, the captain had to anticipate what department would be called on next. The captain could sense what was about to happen as soon as she raised her left hand. “Radio department, prepare for engagement,” he said into the microphone. The radio department was located in a game show studio. There was a tall, welldressed, grayhaired man in the center, holding a long, thin rod that had a small, round microphone on top. His job was to walk across the room, lean over the counter, and spin the Slow Pace Slowdown wheel in order to start the music choice process. The wheel was on a large, round, slow-spinning platform with five separate rooms. Each of the five rooms had band with their instruments waiting to play. In room number one was a rock band. Each of the musicians had long, teasedout hair, tight pants, and ripped shirts. The second room had four guys wearing jeans, cowboy hats, sunglasses, and Tshirts that said We love Blake. There were two young men in the third room, both wearing baseball caps. One was standing in front with both of his hands covering his mouth and hiding a microphone, and the other was behind him with two turntables and a microphone. Both men looked very unhappy being there, maybe because their pants were too big and kept falling down. In the fourth room was an old, well-dressed man standing in front of several

rows of musicians. His name was written on the drum: Sank Finatra.

In the last room, a man was sitting at a desk. The room was dark except for a lamp on the counter. He was talking into a large microphone. His face was covered in angry red splotches as he gestured wildly with his hands while yelling and complaining about—well, everything. The old game show host slowly worked his way around the studio, talking to the audience as the wheel spun slowly around. Mrs. Garland pressed the button labeled 3 on the radio console. Bam, the young guys with the too-big pants started rapping. Joe smiled when Mr. Garland frowned at his wife, making her laugh. She next pressed the number 1 button. The rooms moved again, and the guitars started to play as the lead singer, who had the longest, most teased-out hair, screamed into his microphone. Mr. Garland gripped the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white. He only relaxed once Mrs. Garland pressed button number 4 and then sat back in her seat. All of this action was starting to make Joe’s mind spin in utter confusion. How am I supposed to manage and command all of these groups? He was starting to think he wasn’t cut out for this job. It was too much responsibility. His thoughts were interrupted by Camryn, the Garlands’ teenaged daughter. “It is too hot in here,” she announced, crossing her arms in annoyance. “I can barely breathe.” Her expression made it clear she wanted action to be taken— now. Her parents might have considered her rude, but to Captain Doug it was a welcome warning that gave him time to prepare the cabin air flow department.

Cabin Air Flow

The of the cabin blower group were young surfer dudes originally from California. They worked in a room called “the Pit,” which was dark with wet rock walls. The ground was covered in light-tan sand that filled the boys’ Vans sneakers as they walked in circles speaking in “Californian.” The Pit had three thick metal doors molded out of the rock walls, each with a latch that spanned the middle of the door. Right below the latches were metal wheels that could be spun to loosen the door from its hinges, allowing it to swing open. Above each door was a narrow glass tube inside a metal cage and a red light bulb. At the back of the Pit was a large, dark hole.

The California boys stopped to listen when they heard the captain talking to them, his voice coming from a speaker at the top of the Pit. Inside the rearview mirror, the captain watched Mr. Garland reach for the airflow control knob. There were three settings: level O, level OO, and level OOO. Mr. Garland turned the knob once. The captain’s commands echoed inside of the Pit. “Engage level O.” Once engaged, the O door’s red light turned on. One of the boys ran to the door, lifted the latch, and spun the wheel. Without warning, the door flung open, knocking the kid off his feet. He grabbed the edge of the door and held on for dear life. His body was pulled vertically by the wind rushing into the room, legs and feet flopping in the air. He tilted his head and looked up through the doorway. He could see the sun shining through thick metal bars that went up and down and side to side on the other side of the door. He could also tell he was looking out the SUV’s front grill. The other two Californians were standing against the rock wall when they heard the captain command, “Engage level OO.” The next guy in line walked up to the middle door, the red light above it shining brightly. He gingerly lifted the latch and slowly spun the wheel on the door. He could hear the door crackle as the wheel was getting to the end, and the wind was pushing against the door, as if trying to break through. With one final twist of the wheel, the door flung open, and the wind whooshed in. Just like the other boy, he had to grab on to the door to keep from being swept away. The scene was repeated when the third boy was ordered to open level OOO. With all three doors open, the boys hung on for dear life in the hurricane-level wind as it swirled in before shooting out the hole in the back of the Pit. But the mission was completed and a success, as Camryn was now comfortable and no longer complaining.

Turn Signals

This department didn’t get much iration, but they had the most amount of fun. When Mr. Garland changed lanes, he used the turn signals to inform other drivers he was moving the car left or right.

When Captain Doug saw Mr. Garland lift the blinker stick to show he was moving to the right, he pressed one of the buttons to notify the blinker group. This notification was sent directly to the “Lambo Skate Park” that was built inside the spoiler fin located on the back of the vehicle, just above the tailgate. This was a long fin that arched up on either side and was held up with two trestles that allowed the skateboarders to climb into the best part of the skate park. This fin was known to all of the workers as the “Snake River Skate Ramp.” There were four skaters dressed in head to toe in Oakley apparel—Oakley sneakers, Oakley shorts, Oakley shirts, and of course Oakley flat-top hats. These were the elite of the elite in the skateboarding community. The main attraction was Axle Toes, who was the cool, never-play-by-the-rules tough guy who was known to launch himself way up the Snake River Ramps and spin four times in a row before he hit the light button located way up near the ceiling of the half pipe. Well, as you guessed it, these guys were the ones who would cause the blinkers to work. Inside of the skate park, three others would Axle Toes into the half pipe and begin to skate faster and faster up and down either side of the rear spoiler half pipe until they began to fly up into the air on either end. They would each other in the air and along the bottom of the ramps. Each one would get closer and closer to the ceiling of the half pipe. When the captain told them to turn the right blinker on, they would gain speed up and down the ramp, each time launching into the air, performing a trick that would start flashes from the cameras, which lit up the turn signals in the back, front, and the little arrows on the dashboard. Each one would skate in rhythm, causing the camera flashes to blink and the ramp to make a “dink” noise as they went up and “donk” noise as they went down. They would continue to ride the ramp until they are notified by Joe or the captain to stop the blinking, because Mr. Garland had completed turning. They could end their ride and head back to their rest area to sign autographs and have an energy drink.

Movie Player

The movie player was a very important part of the Garlands’ trip. It kept the teenagers distracted so they wouldn’t fight and bicker with each other or complain to their parents how long the drive was taking. So the movie librarian needed to be ready.

When Mrs. Garland hit the play button, Captain Doug called the cinema department, which was located under the middle-row seat in a room with concrete walls, no furniture, and only one very small light. After talking to the captain, the librarian walked down to the end of the hall where there was a large Redbox vending machine. The cinema librarian selected the movie Mrs. Garland had chosen, paid for it with his credit card, and heard the DVD slide into the pickup receptacle. He took the DVD to a spiral staircase at the other end of the hallway. These stairs started at the bottom of the seat and ended just below the top of the seat, near a door hatch. The librarian opened the hatch and climbed up a fireman’s pole to get into the headrest, where a smaller spiral staircase led to a small platform furnished with a table holding a DVD projector. The cinema librarian put the disk into the projector. The lights dimmed in the headrest, and the librarian opened the only window in the room so the movie could project across the cabin of the car, past the kids’ heads, past the teenagers’ feet that were draped over the seats, and onto the screen that Mrs. Garland had pulled down. The librarian started to ease into his seat but quickly jumped up when he heard the kids complaining they had already seen this movie. The librarian sat on spiral staircase handrail and slid down till he reached the fireman’s pole. He wrapped his arms and legs around the fireman’s pole and slid to the hatch. He opened the hatch, balanced on the handrail, and zoomed down the long spiral staircase, landing back in the hallway where the Redbox vending machine was. He returned the old movie, paid for the new one, then was on his way back up the stairs to the DVD projector.

Cruise Control

The SUV’s cruise control feature keeps a car automatically moving at the selected speed. Feeling his legs getting stiff, Mr. Garland decided to turn on the cruise control so he could take his foot off the gas pedal and get more comfortable. The captain quickly alerted the cruise control group. This department had just two workers: a pair of Scottish soldiers wearing darkgreen, black, and white plaid kilts, with matching plaid sashes that went across their chests. They wore big, shiny belt buckles and high stockings with tiny shoes that kept their feet warm. Leather pouches were wrapped around their waists. One of the soldiers carried a long sword that he pressed against the ground to lean up against.

When they were notified to engage the cruise control, they slid through a small doorway and had to push back thick carpet to jump down to where the accelerator and brake pedal were located. They hid behind the gas pedal, where they pulled out a wooden catapult that was hidden under the floor mat. They wheeled it into position. One end of a rope was tied to the top of the catapult’s arm, and they tied the other end to the back of the gas pedal. The Scotsmen cranked the catapult, and as the arm pulled back, the rope pulled the gas pedal down. On the crossbeam were notches with numbers written beneath—55, 60, 65, 70, 75, 80—which indicated miles per hour. The Scot with the sword jammed the blade into a small cog wheel, stopping the catapult arm at 75 mph. After reporting back to the captain that cruise control was set, the two Scotsmen jumped over the carpet floor mats and through the hatch back into the safety inside of the cruise control hideout.

Speedometer

Many of the crew did not know it, but there was a party led by MC going on behind the speedometer. A NASCAR speedometer tracking team was also there taking care of the speedometer. Their shirts were covered with sponsorship patches: Auto Cone ice cream, Roll Tide deodorant, Goody-Two-Shoes footwear, Alilttlewieser potato chips, and Mountain Crew haircuts. Whenever Mr. Garland stepped on the gas, the team left the girls they were dancing with and jumped into action. They ran to the back of the speedometer, where one mechanic manned a huge butterfly-wing crank on the top of the speedometer that raised the speed lever, and another manned the crank at the bottom that lowered the speed lever to a slower speed. The third member of the team held an anemometer out the window. The device spun in the wind to calculate how fast the car was going, and the worker shouted out the SUV’s speed. The fourth member of the team held a powerful flashlight at the bottom of the speed lever so it looked good. of the crew were constantly yelling to each other, coordinating with each other, and giving each other high fives. Joe didn’t know how anybody got work done in that party environment.

Emergency Brake

The first workers who had boarded the SUV—the zone 1 workers—were elite Roman soldiers who traveled in squadrons. After exiting the rollercoaster and entering the vehicle, the soldiers spread out, taking elevators, stairs, and the escalators to the lower regions of the SUV. These levels look like subway stations, with black-and-white tile all over the walls and fluorescent lights illuminating the platforms. The ceilings were ed with wooden and steel s. These tunnels were secret routes that snaked around every crack in the car—in the seat cushions, between the seats, between the doors and lower seats, on the side of the cup holders, and between the seat cushion and back rest. These tunnels were only seen when the seats were pushed forward so engers in the back row could get out. At the end of each platform was a trench, dug-out cracks that were littered with sand, dirt, pieces of chocolate, some of the most precious small Lego pieces that only came with the most expensive kits, some coins, buttons, broken Happy Meal toys, and the occasional torn Pokémon card. The Roman soldiers jumped over these obstacles as they raced through the trench cracks looking for items that could be used in the emergency brake room. They moved stealthily, peeking their heads over the trenches using tin-can periscopes so they could not be seen. One of the soldiers finally spotted what they’d been looking for. Using only hand signals, he directed six other soldiers to where the item was located.

The long, rock-hard, heavy, slightly salty treasure would need three people on each side to carry it back to the emergency brake area. The soldiers quickly crawled over the top of trench and ran toward the pencil-like item they would use as a battering ram. They knew from experience that the best battering rams were long, straight, and more than three weeks old. They were usually found near the driver’s seat and known as the golden gems of the trenches. The soldiers would use this very old, very stale french fry to stop the vehicle in the case of an emergency. Ideally, they’d find three to four golden gems before each mission. The emergency brake area extended into a torpedo like tunnel that the soldiers could get to from the trenches. The actual brake room area had a wall rack where the soldiers stored all the stale french fries. They would take one down, drill a hole through the middle, and slide a wooden stick into the hole, each end of the stick acting as a handle. The battering ram was placed on the ground and aimed toward a perfectly round hole in the wall that almost looked like the entrance to an electric pencil sharpener. The emergency brake team only worked when the SUV was parked, but they were also trained to stop a moving vehicle should the regular brakes fail while the vehicle was moving. The system was the same for both situations. When the order came to engage the emergency brake, the workers would pick up the french fry using the handles that had been attached and hold it against the round hole on the wall. When they heard a clicking noise coming from the brake handle, they would calculate how far to push the battering ram into the hole. If they heard two or three clicks, they only had to lightly push on the rod. But if there were eight or nine clicks, then they all started yelling for help. Others would come running and start pushing the rod from all sides. One guy would even be on the floor, his back against the wall, pushing as hard as he could with his legs. Shouts of, “Push now! Harder! Push!” would ring through the room. As the rod was pushed into the hole, the end pressed against the wheel, which wore down the rod so it became a point. Once the emergency brake was fully engaged, the captain would be notified, and the workers would take a wellearned break.

Gas Gauge

Joe was thirsty, so he took the elevator down to the corridor level and walked over to one of the vendors. He had to stand in a long line with eight men dressed in white shirts and ties. They each had nametags that said Management. While in line, all they did was argue about numbers. Joe turned to the man nearest him. “Excuse me, but what department are you from?”

“I used to be in odometer, but now I work in gas gauge management.” The man then turned away and shouted some numbers at his buddies. Joe got his drink and then stopped by a wall map to find the location of the gas gauge department, curious how it worked. He walked through a door marked GG Dept. Inside were several offices with wooden- walls, expensive art, and spectacular window views to the outside. In the middle of the offices was an expansive window that overlooked the gas tank area so the managers could view the factory floor, which was three levels below. There were concrete walkways around a large metal tank in the middle of the floor. A narrow stairway wrapped around the side of the tank. Joe watched a man on the walkway make his way to the stairs. He climbed to the top of the tank and walked across a catwalk to the middle of the tank. There was a rope harness hanging off the catwalk handrail by the hatch where workers could enter the tank. The worker strapped on the harness, lifted up the hatch, and climbed down a ladder attached inside the tank. As he descended the ladder, there were marks on the wall indicating fuel level: full tank, three-quarters, half, and one-quarter. If the level got below a quarter tank, red-painted walls would appear. After noting the tank level, the worker climbed out, removed the harness, went back down the stairs, walked over to the window, and wrote on the big whiteboard, “We have a half tank left.” Eight managers came through the door and rushed past Joe to see the tank level. Then they hurried back out, going to their offices and typing rapidly on their computer keyboards. After they had input the data, four out of eight lights were highlighted on the gas gauge so Mr. Garland knew the tank was half full. Joe walked out of the gas gauge offices, heading back to the captain’s bridge. On the way he noticed a box clipped to the visor labeled GenieMaster 8500. Curious, he found a handbook in bridge’s filing cabinet and discovered the unit was a garage-door opener.

Garage-Door Opener

Joe learned the garage-door opener only worked if it was close to the Garlands’ home, run by secret wires and tightrope (SWAT) technology. This group consisted of three highly trained, physically fit, and educated workers. There were also workers trained to calculate wind speed, operate specialized weapons with accuracy, carry a grappling gun and grappling parts, and move in complete stealth—in other words, super ninjas. All personnel in SWAT could carry three times their body weight and fly through the air on a zip line. The manual explained that when the vehicle approached the home garage door, the captain would determine when the vehicle was close enough for the garage opener to work. Once it was, he would press the big, white SWAT button to notify the army of super ninjas.

According to the handbook, the ninjas sneaked out the back side of the box and slid down the metal tubing between the windshield and the enger-side window. They ran past the speedometer managers, past the odometer, past the gas gauge, till they got to the front of the vehicle in the air flow department. Three ninjas lifted the latches on all three doors, spun the door wheels, and flung the doors open; the other three ninjas stepped through the doors and put one foot on the grill. Each of the three carried a grappling gun, a harpoon pointing out from the front with a strong, thin rope fastened to the harpoon. On the count of three, they raised their weapons, aimed for the top of the garage, and fired the harpoons directly into the side of the house. The three marksmen anchored the rope and pulled it tight. The other three ninjas then stepped forward, clipped their harnesses to the rope, and zipped as fast as they could along the tightrope. Upon reaching the wall of the garage, they sneaked though the gap between the garage door and the wall to enter the garage. They would then race across the garage floor and climb the wall to reach a button near the door that went into the kitchen. They pressed the button and the door rose so Mr. Garland could park. The three stealth ninjas waited and hid until the garage was empty and then ran back to the car, jumped into the tailpipe, and worked their way back into the small box that was located on the driver’s-side visor. Joe put the handbook back, his head spinning, amazed at how Captain Doug could coordinate all these different departments. Once again, Joe doubted he had the ability to ever be a full-fledged captain.

Mr. Garland Falls Asleep

The bridge was quiet again, the lull of the road a welcome calm. Joe looked out into the SUV’s cabin and saw Mrs. Garland with her head on a pillow that was pressed against the window. Parker was curled up into a little ball, feet up on the seat, his head resting on the armrest attached to the door. The teenage girl was holding her phone, earbuds in, her eyes fluttering as she fought falling asleep. Her two teen brothers had not moved in an hour, their heads leaned back, mouths open, and their snores erupting like mini volcanos. Mr. Garland was staring off into the distance. The road was straight, and there wasn’t much traffic. Joe became concerned when Mr. Garland yawned and rubbed his eyes. But Captain Doug appeared confident because there were systems in place to prevent Mr. Garland from falling asleep. Joe watched in alarm as one of Mr. Garland’s eyes began to shut. Then the second closed, and his head dropped forward like a big tree toppled by a lumberjack. The cruise control kept the speed of the car steady, and his hands still gripped the steering wheel, keeping the car straight. The captain leaned forward and grabbed the microphone to issue a code blue. But when he pressed the button, the microphone was dead. He pressed the button again and still no response. Captain Doug’s calm demeanor cracked, and he jumped up, hitting and shaking the microphone, hoping to beat it until it worked. He glanced over his shoulder; the car was still moving straight ahead, but he could see Mr. Garland’s grip loosening on the steering wheel. When he turned back, his expression turned to one of shock and horror as all his monitors went to black. The power outage left him with no way to communicate. The lives of everyone on board were now at risk. Nobody was awake in the cabin, the car was speeding down the highway, and Captain Doug was close to freaking out. A systems breakdown like this never happened in the newer cars. The captain turned toward Joe. “You need to do something!” As he stared back at Captain Doug, something shifted in Joe. All the nervousness, fear, and uncertainty drained out of his body, as if someone had

pulled a plug. It was replaced by confidence and determination—and an idea. “Hold on,” Joe told Captain Doug, “and do exactly what I tell you.” Joe opened the front rearview mirror window and stuck his head out. He looked up toward the Genie Master 8500 and ordered the ninjas to give him a grappling harpoon. Joe tied the rope to the console and then aimed the gun and shot the harpoon into the side mirror. Joe climbed out the window and zip lined to the mirror. Joe shouted to Dr. Hubble, directing him to move the mirror so the sunlight reflected directly at Mr. Garland’s face to wake him up. Dr. Hubble turned the mirror as far as it would go. But the reflection only reached the headrest, six inches short of Mr. Garland’s eyes. Joe closed his eyes to think of another plan. He moved to the top of the door, bent down, and pulled the rubber aside that held the glass in the driver’s-side door. He shouted down to the worker and told him to release the window so the wind would wake Mr. Garland. But the worker reported the battery power to the window was not working. Time was running out. Joe looked out the front window and saw that traffic up ahead was slowing down. He heard workers’ voices throughout the car screaming, “The car needs to stop!” Captain Doug stuck his head out of the control room and yelled, “Do something. We’re running out of time.” Joe grabbed a big blanket and used it to cover the mirror, which was still reflecting the sun. By quickly moving the blanket on and off the mirror, he was able to create flashes of light and send a message in Morse code to the seat belt group to lock the seat belt into place. Joe then looped the harpoon rope around the steering wheel and swung from the top of the door down into the foot well, landing between the gas and brake pedals. He shouted for the cruise control Scotsmen to pull back the sword and release the wooden catapult to slow the car down. Next, he ran to the hatch door and went behind the dashboard. He grabbed an umbrella and slipped into the hurricane-like air flow within “the Pit” tunnel. He opened the umbrella and rode the tunnel, getting out at the emergency brake. He ordered the Roman soldiers to use the battering ram to slam on the brakes. From there he hurried back to the dashboard to interrupt the party, shut off the music, and tell the MC to put the

blinker on and prepare to turn right quickly. He then turned to the NASCAR group. “Cut the speed now. Turn the speed key back!” Finally, Joe yelled to the seat warming group to turn up the heat to maximum. Feeling as if his butt were on fire, Mr. Garland opened his eyes quickly. In an instant he saw the cruise control was turned off, the blinker blinking, and felt the emergency brake being applied. Mr. Garland gripped the steering wheel and slammed his foot down on the brake pedal. Mrs. Garland picked her head up to see why the car stopped. She muttered, “Oh … traffic,” and then put her head back down. Mr. Garland’s heart raced, and his whole body shook. He took a deep breath to keep from hyperventilating. He didn’t want to let his family know how badly he had messed up. He said a quiet prayer of thanks that his new SUV had an automatic stopping feature. He’d never know that systems had been engaged, courtesy of Joe’s quick thinking that prevented a disaster.

The Hero

When Joe stepped off the elevator to check on how the others were doing, he was greeted by a crowd of workers lining the corridor, clapping and cheering. He shook hands and received hugs. One of the Vikings gave him a Viking hat, the seat belt foreman told him to text him the next time he wanted to bet on the horses, and the farmer sent him a Facebook friend request. When he returned to the bridge, Captain Doug greeted him with an expression of pure gratitude. He removed his hat and put it on Joe’s head. “Congratulations, Joe. You have now been promoted to acting captain.” Captain Doug then pinned a set of wings on Joe’s shirt. “You now have wings to look over your engers. You will now stand in for me as the captain of this vessel, and you will give the commands.” Captain Doug stepped to the side, allowing Joe to lean up against the console and prepare for the next command to be given. It wasn’t what he expected. The cabin was quiet. Mrs. Garland and the teen boys were still sleeping, with Parker still curled up in a ball asleep. Camryn was awake and listening to music. But then, suddenly she looked up with a look of disgust, nostrils flaring as if being assaulted. She pulled her shirt up over her nose and yelled, “Eww, Parker!” With a smile, Joe called the electric window group and told them to prepare for action. No battery power was needed to lower the window. A worker simply had to pull a plugs holding the glass up and let gravity do the rest. But getting the window back up wasn’t so easy.

Electric Window Group

The electric window group was located near the gas tank entry point. There were three upper glassmen who operated the process. One was stationed at the bottom of the door next to a nine-volt battery. He could smell that something was going on, so he was already prepared. He held two clamps, each attached to a cable, and held the clamps over the battery terminals.

The cable ran up the side of the glass and wrapped around a ladder hidden in the metal track that secured the glass window. A second glassman hung in the middle of the ladder, holding a short wooden plug. The cable ran to the top of the window, where a third glassman was holding a long lever that would enable him to release four electromagnets from their storage bins. When the first glassman received Captain Joe’s order, he connected the clamps to the battery terminal, and the electricity shot through the cable. The top worker pulled the latch, and the four electromagnets dropped from their bins, hanging by chains. When the electricity from the cable hit them, the magnets hummed and turned red. The window shook as the waves reached the top of the glass, which started to move up, faster and faster, until it reached the top and settled into the rubber cushion with a soft slupt sound. The second glassman hanging off the ladder took his plug and jammed it into a hole on the side of the glass to lock it into place. Once the window was secured, the cable was disconnected from the battery, and the magnets were reeled back into their hidden storage place.

Odometer

The speedometer tells a driver how fast he’s driving. The odometer shows how far the car has driven. The odometer needs to be constantly updated, and the captain is responsible for making sure the correct information is being reported. The Office of the Odometer was located in the back corner of the vehicle and changed the mileage meter via Bluetooth. The office was set up just like a garage, with a floor that was damp, dark concrete. There was nothing on the walls and no lamps. The only light was what came through the open office door. There was a small metal desk and a matching plastic chair. Sitting at the desk was an older man, who was the current odometer.

As the vehicle moved, he looked out the door and could see the tire spinning to his left and the place where the tire met the pavement. He watched the white lines that kept appearing on the pavement. Sometimes they ed by fast, sometimes slowly. He kept a tally of how may white lines ed by the garage door, writing the amount down on his iPad. Then the information was transmitted directly to the mileage meter via Bluetooth. Before digital technology, the odometer used to write the tally marks on a whiteboard. A manager would look out the office window and report that information to the captain.

Seat Warmer

Determined not to fall asleep at the wheel again, Mr. Garland had the air conditioning blowing on his face. The cold air was making his body shiver, so he reached down and turned on his seat warmer. Joe immediately ed the seat warmer group, located in the seat cushion just above the Viking boats, and commanded the heat be turned on, stat. The cushion was filled with a thick forest area, and the seat warmer was camouflaged, the pipes wrapped in broken branches. Two workers who manned the warmer wore dirt-covered baseball caps, blue-jean overalls, and beat-up work boots. Nearby was a small wooden shed built in an area cleared of trees and two large, water-filled metal barrels linked together by a spiral tube attached to the top of each barrel. The first barrel was elevated, and beneath it was a fire that warmed the water in the barrel.

After hearing from Joe, one of the workers threw more wood on the fire, and the other grabbed a couple of old plastic milk jugs from the wooden shed. The water bubbled and hissed as it flowed through the winding tube until it emptied into the second tank, which had a small drainage pipe. The worker put the milk jugs under the pipe and filled them up with the hot liquid. Once they were filled, the worker took the jugs over to one of the trees that went up the back of Mr. Garland’s seat. He carefully climbed the tree until he reached a platform where there was a funnel attached to a tube. The worker poured the hot water into the funnel and watched as it drained down the tube, which went all over the place after leaving the platform. It wrapped around trees, snaked through bushes, and looped around a bird’s nest. It warmed the entire forest seat cushion, and soon the whole area was warm and toasty. Mr. Garland felt the seat warm him, and the shivering stopped. He was more awake than ever, especially since his stomach was growling. He needed a break from driving and wondered how close it was to lunchtime. He looked down at the clock and saw it was 11:49. Joe picked up the microphone and congratulated the clock department for keeping the time accurate.

Clock

Behind the actual clock was a small man who coordinated the clock department operations. His name was Hans Von Striek-un-hander. Hans took over the job when his father retired. The room was filled with an assortment of items. One wall was had floor-toceiling shelving that held all kinds of time-measuring items. A sundial was on the windowsill, and nearby were four hourglasses, each dropping sand at different speeds to measure seconds, minutes, hours, and days respectively. There was a Persian water clock, a Chinese incense clock, a candlestick clock, three grandfather clocks, five cuckoo clocks, and some pocket watches that hung off the door handle. A marine chronometer sat in the corner of the room by clockmaster’s desk, which was covered with his work tools: several large magnifying glasses, a magnifying headset with an LED light, and mini tools to work on clocks and watches.

In the middle of the desk was a small knob that Hans turned every time the minutes and hours changed. Attached to the knob was a series of big and small gears that filled the center of the room. Some went up and down, some side to side, and some diagonally. The little gears spun really fast, and the big gears turned slowly. The gears were connected to four large spinning wheels on the back wall. The first wheel was labeled 0–9, the second 0–5, the third 0–9, and the last wheel only had a zero and a one. The gears ran at different speeds, with the minute wheel spinning faster and the hour wheel moving more slowly. The clockmaster made sure the four wheels were calibrated properly so they told the correct time. Mr. Garland decided it was late enough for lunch. Then he glanced at his rearview mirror to check the outside temperature, hoping it was warm enough so he wouldn’t need his jacket. Joe saw him glance at the temperature readout and called the outside temperature group to their numbers were correct.

Outside Temperature Department

The outside temperature department (OTD) provided leisure information in the summer and extremely important information during the winter months, such as alerting the captain when the temperature fell below thirty-two degrees, so he could be on the alert for icy roads. At the start of a mission, the OTD airman climbed down to the undercarriage of the car, a dark, dirty area exposed to the road beneath the vehicle. He crossed a catwalk to a hatch that opened into a small glass pod. The airman crawled into the cramped space, carefully positioning himself.

Once in the pod, the airman was able to move it up or down and left or right so he could position himself in the best place to measure the outside air temp. Having the pod made of glass enabled him to see if the ground was wet, muddy, sandy, or dry. Sticking out of the pod were two tubes. A Fahrenheit thermometer was attached inside one tube, a Celsius thermometer inside the other. Every seven minutes an engineer came by, pulled out the thermometer from each tube, and recorded the temperatures on his iPad. This information was sent directly to the captain, who updated the temperature displayed on the iPad that hung behind a small window in the upper corner of the rearview mirror. To the engers, it looked like the temperature readout was coming directly from inside of the rearview mirror. It was warm enough that Mr. Garland decided he didn’t need a jacket. He gently nudged his wife awake and told her they’d be stopping soon to get gas and have lunch. Mrs. Garland sat up and stretched. Then she reached for her purse. She wanted to freshen up after her nap. Joe had already anticipated her next move and mobilized the vanity mirror workers just as Mrs. Garland reached for her visor.

Vanity Mirror

On the back side of the mirror was a large auditorium with hundreds of seats filled with workers who were on break. They faced a large, one-way window, waiting. Once the enger-side visor was pulled down and the flap lifted, the show began. The vanity mirror stage manager turned on the lights encircling the window, providing a highdefinition view of Mrs. Garland as she checked herself out in the mirror. The audience watched expectantly while quietly snacking on popcorn and soda. They laughed when Mrs. Garland grimaced at her reflection and groaned, and then watched with interest as she rubbed some moisturizer into her face and brushed some powder onto her cheeks, giving them a healthy glow. She finished by dabbing her little finger into a small container and carefully applying the lip gloss so it wouldn’t smear. Mrs. Garland studied her reflection, smiled, and then shut the visor. As the stage manager turned off the light, the audience broke into applause.

Joe Gets Promoted

Mr. Garland pulled off at the next exit, prompting a flurry of activity. The teenage boys were pushing each other to find their shoes. The girl was starting to freak out because she only had 67 percent power on her phone, and Parker was trying to figure out the safest place to put his green blanket so no one would break into the car to steal it while they were eating lunch. Mr. Garland pulled into the service station and parked by the gas pump. Everyone bolted from the car as if someone has seen a giant spider. Mr. Garland reached down to his left, released the gas cap door, and slowly stood up, his body stiff from hours of driving.

External Gas Door Button

When Mr. Garland released the gas cap door, it set off sirens, and spinning lights throughout the corridors. Captain Doug made an announcement to the crews. “We have arrived at our next gate, so this mission has come to an end.” He looked out his window. “We have now arrived in Springfield. The weather is seventy-four degrees, and the local time is now 11:54 a.m. Please wait till the vehicle has come to a complete stop before you disembark.” After he finished his announcement, Captain Doug hung up the microphone and turned to Joe. “I will not be staying on this vehicle. I’m being reassigned, so you’ll be taking my place and leading a new crew. The promotion paperwork has been filed, so your platinum status is official.” Captain Douglas McArcher then stepped back and saluted the new captain and shook his hand before exiting down the elevator. Joe was alone on the captain’s bridge. He looked at the monitors that showed the corridors. Some of the workers had sneaked out the back tailpipe; others walked out the blower doors that were grill. Those closer to the odometer’s office jumped out of his garage, and the rest exited out the front and into the terminal ramp gas hose. Before too long the old crew had cleared the vehicle, and the new crew was ready to report. Joe watched the zone 1 elite Roman soldiers run through the crack trenches in search of any golden jewels left behind. Then came the rush of zone 2 workers. Some were running to their locations, while others took their time. In the midst of the action, a feisty young woman was pushing her way through the workers milling about the corridors. He saw she was carrying a letter similar to the one Joe had received when he began his first mission. He turned to the elevators and waited. After a few minutes, the elevator doors to the bridge opened. The feisty young woman walked out and made her way onto the captain’s bridge. She stuck out her hand. “Hi, I’m Jackie. I’m your co-captain.”

Joe shook her hand. “Pleased to meet you,” he said, meaning it. But there was no time to chit- chat. “Why don’t you lean against the wall over there and prepare for ignition.” Then Joe turned his attention to prepare the cabin.

Headlights

The Garlands were fed, watered, bathroomed, and back on the road. Jackie was still standing against the wall, watching and absorbing as much as she could. She had so many question and finally summoned the nerve to step forward and ask them. “When I first got here, some workers wearing lighting department jackets helped me find the club level elevator. What does that department do?” Joe was happy to tell her. In newer cars like the Garlands’ SUV, the headlights were always on when the engine was running. It made it safer and easier to see vehicles on the road. So the headlight department had to be engaged during the entire mission.

“At the beginning of the trip, the workers enter the lighting department doorway,” Joe explained. “There’s only one way to go in and only one way out. These workers are in charge of cleaning the mirrors and changing them out when they break. After the workers are at their stations, the main mirror manager lifts up the shade to let the sunshine into what we call the house of mirrors.” Joe told her how any worker not in position would be hit by the bouncing sun rays that went from mirror to mirror; around the corners, down the straight hallway, over the small hill, up the stairs, down the stairs, through the spinning tunnel before it was forced into a small hallway, then a smaller hallway, then an even smaller hallway, and finally into a teeny-tiny hallway that condenses the sun ray so tightly that it bursts into the headlight cover attached to the car. With the speed of light, the sunrays were then shining through the headlights. Jackie next asked about why there were two sumo wrestlers standing against the wall when she just arrived in the vehicle.

Gear Shifter

The gearshift had four different colors lined up in a row, labeled in order P, R, N, D. From the center console, all you could see was the shifter that would extend from the compartment. But inside that compartment console box was a room that was padded with each one of the colors that was mentioned. The purple mat was the first one. The red mat had a large “R” written in the middle. It was followed by the yellow mat with a large “N” written on it. Finally, the last mat was green with a large “D”. When Mr. Garland put his hand on the shifter, the captain would hit the button on the console to turn on all the spotlights to illuminate the entire gear shifter arena. The music would start playing. Two huge sumo wrestlers would wobble from either end of the arena toward the mats. Each one had angry looks that would beam across the rooms in order to scare the other into presubmission. The sumo athletes walked around the large post that came down from the ceiling and reached their designated starting areas. Each squatted down in a “ready” position, waiting for the command to be heard from the captain.

And there it was! The captain yelled “Wrestler, one sumo must to move to the post to center of the “D” mat.” This began the match. Both sumos leaped toward the post, wrapping their enormous arms around the post and around each other. There was grunting as one would push against the post and against the other. One sumo would do anything to prevent the other from moving the post. But the good sumo began to push the post and the other sumo further back. The struggle was taking longer than expected, and the resistance could be felt all the way up to Mr. Garland’s hand, as he also had the top of the post in his grasp. The crowds were cheering as the post was slowly moving from the purple mat back past the red mat, but the evil sumo got a burst of energy and stopped the post from moving when it got to the yellow “N” mat. The post seemed to be stuck, and Mr. Garland was wondering why it was not moving easily back. He did not know that the evil sumo was the one preventing it from reaching the green “D” mat. The good sumo looked up through the ceiling; he could see the farmer looking down from the moonroof, yelling and waving his arms, cheering for him to fight. The good sumo lowered his shoulder and lunged forward to move the post into the green mat area. The arena’s horn made a loud noise, to notify all that the sumo match was over and the good sumo won. The car was now in drive! By this time, Jackie was completely confused, but she continued to go through her list of questions and asked what made the loud noise she had heard when Mr. Garland was pulling into traffic. Joe nodded. “That was the horn.”

Horn

The Horn Group was located inside the round column that held up the steering wheel. These crew were lacrosse and hockey players. Inside the steering column were twenty small platforms attached to the column wall. The athletes would get up on the platforms and try to hit their lacrosse ball or hockey puck through one of five holes on the other side of the room. The holes had bullseye circles painted around them. Behind the holes was a small net. A counter tallied each time a ball or puck went through the hole. The walls around the holes were filled with puck marks and lacrosse ball–size dents. Hockey and lacrosse players on the floor ed balls or pucks up to the athletes on the platforms. Every time they threw a ball or slapped a puck, a player on the floor sent up a new one. Balls and pucks flew through the steering column.

As the balls and pucks going through the holes accumulated, the nets got heavier and heavier until they weighed enough to press down on a rubber bag that looked like a large whoopee cushion. The weight of the pucks and balls forced air out of the bag, making a toot sound. When the horn was no longer being used, it was the responsibility of the guys on the floor level to gather the pucks and balls that were on the whoopee cushion and bring them back to their areas. Jackie thanked Joe for answering her questions. Looking out into the cabin, she commented that the teenagers looked ready to rumble. Captain Joe peered out to see what was happening. A look of understanding ed over his face. “They’re fighting over who gets to use the power plug. Time to the Power Plug Company.”

Power Plug

Captain Joe called the power company. Because he was the new captain, the customer service representative officially had to add Joe’s name to the . He had to tell them the last four digits of his social security number, mother’s maiden name, ZIP code of where his credit card bill was sent, and lastly his favorite fruit (kumquat). After she completed his file, the customer service representative forwarded his call to the dispatcher, who forwarded it to the supervisor, who forwarded it to the service technician in the field, who stopped his truck in front of a very large garage door. He got out and pulled the door open. Inside was a very small stepladder.

The technician walked toward the retractable antenna group. He said hello to the Eagle Scouts on his way to the bottom of the retractable metal antenna. Once there, he reached into his bag and pulled out a kite, which was tied to a very long string. The technician hooked the string onto the antenna and shimmied his way to the top. He released more string, and the kite took off way up into the air and flew into the clouds. He slid back down the antenna, with the kite still flying overhead. The bottom of the string was tied to a key inside a jar, which had two screws attached to wires. The technician took the two wires and connected them to the back of the power plug. Every time lightning hit the kite, the electricity came down the string and was stored in the jar, from which it was slowly released to feed the power plug. With the power flowing, Joe leaned back in his captain’s chair at the console. But Jackie’s zest for knowledge and her curious nature caused her to notice movement in the middle row of the cabin.

Dome Light Group

Parker was getting bored. When Parker was bored in the car, he flicked anything that could be flicked, tapped on anything that could be tapped, slid anything that could be slid, and picked anything that could be picked. Eventually he looked up and found something that could be pressed.

His eyes became fixated on the round dome light attached to the SUV’s ceiling. It was just there, like a single cactus in the middle of an empty desert. He could not resist. Parker straightened his back, slid his leg under his butt, and reached toward the ceiling of the car. He was just tall enough to press the dome light button. Captain Joe immediately ed the dome light department, consisting of five kids who stood around a barrel. There was a hole in the barrel—like a large funnel—that dropped down onto the top of the dome light cover. When the captain ordered the dome light kids to turn on the light, they started the process immediately. They grabbed a pack of five glow sticks, tore them open, broke each one in half, and made sure the stick was glowing before throwing it down the barrel, where it landed on the bottom of the dome light cover. Soon the dome light was littered with glow sticks, meaning the light was turned on. When the light was turned off, the boys dove down next to the hole, grabbed all of the glow sticks as fast as they could, and then pulled them out of the hole. So the dome light guys got really mad when Parker kept turning the dome light on and off as fast as he could. By the time he got bored and moved on to something else, the boys collapsed in exhaustion.

Windshield Wipers

Jackie saw that Captain Joe was on top of his game. He had taken the initiative to log on to weather.com and discovered rain was forecast for the area, so he alerted the windshield wiper department to be prepared for some storms and to make sure the two water wheels were lubricated and in perfect working condition.

It wasn’t long before the sky grew overcast with dark, ominous clouds. Within minutes the first few raindrops splashed gently onto the windshield. Then in a blink, rain was drenching the SUV with thick sheets of water. Mr. Garland could not see the road and reached frantically for the windshield wiper control. Everyone knew that a good working water wheel made the wipers work. The windshield wiper water wheel system was activated when rain hit the windshield and slid down to the gutter at the bottom of the pane. The gutter was tilted so the rain drained into a pipe that directed the water to flow onto one of two water wheels attached to the windshield wipers. There was a worker on a stationary bike between the water wheels. By pedaling the bike, he controlled whether the pipe sent the rainwater over the left or the right water wheel. The faster the rainwater came down the pipe, the faster the water wheels made the windshield wipers go. Sometimes it was a nice quiet ride; other times, like now, lives were in danger and he had to pedal for his life and the lives of the engers. The maintenance workers— dressed in sanitation coveralls and wearing waterproof rubber boots—kept an eye on the wheels to make sure they were working properly.

The Garlands Reach Their Destination

Over the remainder of the road trip, Captain Joe became more and more comfortable in his new role. So when Mr. Garland put on his blinker and took the exit leading to the lake house, Joe was confident in what to do. The two teenagers in back roused from their naps, wiped the drool from their sleepy mouths, and inhaled deeply. Camryn pulled off the blanket that was keeping her warm. Parker sat up straight to stare out the window, hoping to be the first one to see the lake. Mrs. Garland debated whether she should ask her husband to stop at a gas station so she could use the bathroom or if she could wait until they reached the cabin. Mr. Garland wondered if there was enough gas in the boat. The ride down the side road was quick. They ed a few stop signs, a few churches, a few white fences, some horse farms, and finally the turnoff that led to the lake house. As the car rolled down the short driveway, old memories, new hopes, and pure excitement filled each one of the Garlands. Chase ed the fun he had had on Party Island when he camped out overnight with a group of seventeen friends and the fun time when he pulled his Jeep through the woods to shine his spotlights on the dock Jake was thinking about driving the boat for the first time by himself, playing dock shock tag with thirty-two people, wakeboarding, and driving the golf cart at 1:00 a.m. Camryn was anticipating tubing, bringing her friends to the lake, and driving Mr. Gary’s four-wheeler. Parker couldn’t wait to swim under the dock buoy for the first time and drive the Jet Ski. After a few last turns, Mr. Garland pulled into the driveway of their cabin. They

could smell the fresh air. Through the woods they could see the lake and the dock where the boat and Jet Ski were waiting for them. The doors of the SUV flung open. The teenaged boys ran to claim their bedrooms, the girl dashed to claim her chair on the dock for the best sun, Parker hurried to the closet to get his wakeboard, and Cosmo trotted to the water and started jumping in and out of the lake. Mr. and Mrs. Garland looked at each other and then took off running to see who could make it to the bathroom faster! With the vehicle empty, silence fell over each department in the car. They weren’t at a gas station or a garage, so everyone was uncertain about what their new positions would be. Some would be relocated to the marine branch to man the Jet Ski and the boat. Some would be deployed to the landscape management branch for lawn mowers and leaf blowers. Others would be reassigned to the golf cart group and be given new shirts with collars. Those left would be responsible to work with propane and propane accessories. As long as they were willing, there would always be opportunity if they simply walked out the door to look. All missions will end, all missions will change, but no matter where you go, there will always be someone close by to you to help you get where you’re going —even if you can’t see them.

About the Author

Dan Garland is a married father of four who resides in Atlanta, Georgia. He is heavily involved in coaching many sports with his children. He is a project manager with the largest communication company and loves hockey.