More Than Just Friends By Rebecca Mercy 121j37

Copyright Information and Disclaimer Before you read any page beyond this one, you agree to the following: “©2014, All Rights Reserved. You do not have permission to copy, distribute, sell, or create derivative works from this book or any website associated with this creative work without written permission from the publisher, Mojo Marketing, Inc. and the author, Rebecca Mercy. By reading any of the contents of this book beyond this page, you agree to the following: You understand that the information contained on this page and in this book is an opinion, and it should be used for personal entertainment purposes only. You are responsible for your own behavior and actions, and none of this book is to be considered legal, professional or personal advice.”

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Contents Introduction ......................................................................................................4 Your Situation ................................................................................................ 5 Roadblocks ...................................................................................................... 14 It’s Too Obvious ........................................................................................... 19 You’re Too Available .................................................................................... 22 He’s Not Over An Ex .................................................................................... 27 Simple Test ................................................................................................. 30 First Steps ........................................................................................................39 #1 Mistake.................................................................................................... 41 Get A Life .....................................................................................................43 “You’re Not My Type” ................................................................................. 48 Desirable ...................................................................................................... 53 Second Steps................................................................................................... 60 Consistency ................................................................................................. 60 Seduction .....................................................................................................62 End Of The Journey ....................................................................................... 68

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Introduction Welcome to More Than Just Friends. Within these pages you will find the ultimate roap to getting the love you desire. If you’ve been longing for your best guy friend and don’t know how to bridge that gap with him into relationship bliss, well, you’ve come to the right place. I’ve had years of experience helping women get the love they deserve and desire, even if a man has told them he’s not into them! I want to help you achieve the same today. The very same situation has happened to me and it’s heartbreaking when you don’t have a solution. Your instincts might even push you to do the completely opposite and wrong thing! But you won’t have to worry about that any more. You’ll never need to struggle on your own and pine away for your guy in silence again. I have developed a simple step-by-step program that is designed to get you into your friend’s loving embrace with as little effort and as soon as possible. I do have to warn you though, these changes won’t happen overnight. It’s not like a magic pill you can take and wake up to everything being perfect. But it is as simple as following a couple of super easy steps that lead your man to making the leap. The best part is, he will think it’s all his idea! You won’t have to push or manipulate him into it. There is no whining, begging, or pleading here. 4

Your Situation I’ve been in your shoes. I know what it’s like. You have a guy friend who you feel like you’ve known forever. Maybe you started out liking him and just accepted being nothing more than friends. Or perhaps you only recently realized that you have deep feelings for him. You’ve caught yourself daydreaming about being together. You know all of his quirks, his likes, his dislikes. You know everything from his secret fears to his favorite movie. You’ve probably seen him date other women and wondered why that couldn’t be you. If they treated him poorly, it made you mad beyond belief. You know he deserves better and that could be you in his arms instead of the next girl he gets involved with. Maybe you two have even joked about it. But at the end of the day, he’s only joking and you’re not. The good news is that no matter the situation, the solution is the same. Up until now you have probably spent a lot of time thinking about your situation. You’ve run through various scenarios in your head. Your imagination is filled with different fantasies of him realizing his feelings for you and confessing his love. Your daydreams are all about him and the romance you wish you could have together forever. Well, as farfetched as it might feel, it’s totally possible and attainable. But you’ve got to get a hold of your fantasies right now.

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Fantasies do you no good. In fact, they actually trip you up and lead you down a bad path when they get out of control. When you dream about “what could be”, reality never ends up matching it. I don’t mean to burst your bubble. I’m simply trying to get you to understand that fantasies and reality are two completely separate things. There are times when reality may come close to resembling a fantasy, but it’s not the norm. Dreaming about the perfect relationship or perfect love will only leave you disappointed. I know it well because I’ve done it to myself. I’ve crushed on a guy before and plotted out everything in my head. I dreamed that we would be together and how we would be together if only he could see how perfect I saw the relationship in my head. I thought to myself, “If only I could get him to see. Then he would fall to his knees, begging to be with me. He would see that we’re meant to be together.” I had this whole idea in my own mind of how to make him fall in love with me and start that relationship with each other. It would be us against the world and the stars would finally align to make it happen. The truth is that my fantasies were never going to become a reality. You can’t make someone fall in love with you. He and I were not “meant” to be together. I just let my imagination and fantasies get the better of me. What I couldn’t see was that he and I really weren’t compatible. 6

My reality was that a much better man came along and I’m glad I was able to see that before it was too late and I suffered more unnecessary heartache. Now, I’m not saying that’s your situation. You could very well have a great relationship with your guy friend if things work out. But you cannot let your fantasies dictate your way of thinking. That is the point I am trying to make. Fantasies are not reality no matter what the situation. You’ve spent enough time agonizing over the status of your friendship and how you probably keep getting ed over in favor of someone else. You’ve caught yourself thinking time and time again, “Why can’t he see me as a girlfriend? Why am I not good enough? He likes hanging out with me so what’s the problem with taking the next step?” All of these thoughts and more float through your head and yet you never get answers to them. You’re left in the dark and can only accept your situation for what it is. Or you get lost in your daydreams instead of finding a way to nudge reality in the direction you want things to go. It should be obvious to him that you’re perfect together, right? So why doesn’t he get it? You’ve probably tried throwing out hints about becoming more involved. You might even have asked him outright how he feels about it. But you only got rejection. He gives you some excuse about how he only sees you as friends, he doesn’t want to wreck the relationship, he sees you like a sister, etc., etc. 7

The excuses don’t matter. He’s just giving you a default answer because that’s the way he’s grown to see you. He perceives you as just a friend because that’s all you’ve ever been. In his mind, you fit neatly into this little box labeled “friends”. There’s no urgency or danger that would change that, so he doesn’t see you as anything outside of that box. You’re in there with a bunch of other people, some of whom are other women he likes perfectly fine as friends but does not have a romantic attraction to them. The difference is that you want to break out of this box. You are not content to only be friends and watch the love of your life go on another date with someone else. In order to change his label of you in his mind, you have to change his perspective, which is exactly what I’m going to show you how to do. With a couple of small changes, you can place yourself in his line of sight so that he wakes up and smells the proverbial coffee. I know right now you might be feeling like things will never change. You feel stuck in your friendship but wanting more. You can’t see how you can get him to notice you as a romantic partner and confess his love to you. It seems like it’s nothing more than a distant daydream. After all, anything else you’ve tried up until this point hasn’t worked. If you’ve said anything to him, hinted at being together, or flat out made a move on him, it didn’t end well or the way you had hoped.

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The real reason he can’t wake up and smell the proverbial coffee isn’t because he never will or that you’re doomed to remain in this “friend zone” in his mind. The key to changing your situation and getting out of the friend zone and into his heart begins with you understanding the fantasies and lies you’ve both been fed and how they’ve been messing you up. how I just explained that your fantasies are going to trip you up? You and your guy friend have both been tripped up by fantasies. You’ve been sabotaged and it’s blocking you two from being together. If you’re looking for someone to blame, look no further than Hollywood and all of the media it pumps out. That’s right. Movie studios and commercials have created a number of romantic lies that you fell for. It’s not that you’re a bad person or a dumb person who doesn’t deserve love because of this. It would be like taking a hike through the woods and stepping in a bear trap on a trail. You’re not a dumb hiker for stepping in the trap. You had every right to expect the trail to be clear. But you got caught in this trap that someone set out for you because they knew you would be walking down that pathway. And, for whatever reason, they wanted to trap you. Movies and ments are like romantic bear traps. They have a reason to trap you and catch you on the trail towards love. They want your money.

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They’re intended to play on your emotions and feelings and it’s easy to get sucked into something that moves you emotionally. Think about the last time you read a really good book that you were into. You got invested in the characters. You didn’t want the book to end. And you wanted things to work out for the hero. It’s the same way in movies too. You get attached to the main character and you’re pulling for them through the entire film. You ride their highs with them and you feel their depressing lows with them. It’s simply human nature to feel these things. There’s nothing wrong with that. What happens though is that after enough of these movies and stories, you start to identify a little too much with them. You start to wish you were the heroine of the movie who finds true love at the end. I know I’ve seen my fair share of romantic comedies and found myself thinking, “Why can’t that be me? Why can’t I stumble across a sweet, loving, loyal guy who falls head over heels for me and goes through all of this crazy stuff just to declare his love and devotion to me?” And when my reality didn’t match that, I got stuck in my fantasies. I looked everywhere for possibilities and signs that I too could have the same crazy love story I’ve seen time and time again in the theater. Believe me, we all get suckered into feeling this way. It happens. It even happens to men. They get fed some story hook, line, and sinker that screws up their perception of their own realities as well. 10

With men, they assume that the perfect woman is simply going to cross their path one day. They’re just waiting to stumble upon a goddess and everything pops into place for them. However, their fantasies are not always reality. They may find that dream girl but if the relationship doesn’t run smoothly, they get disillusioned and eventually end things. The guy you want might currently be with a girl who seems to have everything. You may perceive her to be more beautiful, cooler, more successful, and more seductive than you. You feel like the underdog compared to her and you have no idea how to get your guy to look at you that way. After all, isn’t she the goddess that Hollywood told your friend would fall into his lap? Even if he is with someone, that doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s content or thrilled to be in the relationship. Men like things to be as easy as possible, which I’ll go over more at a later point in this course. So, that fantasy “dream girl” he had in mind may have fallen into his lap. But he expects the fantasy to line up with reality. However, in reality, that girl only looks like the dream girl. They may fight all the time. She may be lazy and take advantage of him. Or he may simply not be as happy as he expected. Reality is not reflecting that dream girl fantasy that he believed in based on his skewed perception. He’s been lied to by Hollywood. For you and other women, you’re bombarded with romantic comedies and other fantasies of falling in love with your best friend. The lead female character is simply waiting for the guy to realize what’s meant to be. 11

After 2 hours of bumbling around and “hilarious” mishaps, the guy and the girl finally end up together. She was under his nose this entire time but it took an entire script to put them together. This is not real life! Reality isn’t a Hollywood movie and wishing for it to be so won’t make it happen. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying those types of movies. I’ll be the first to it, I actually like some romantic comedies and other feel-good love stories. I’m certainly not telling you to cut them out of your life or to look at them with disdain and mockery. It’s fine to temporarily escape into a story. As long as you don’t try and match that story to your reality. However, you can take steps to change your reality in a realistic way. It is possible change your situation and get together with your guy friend who you’ve fallen for. As long as you realize that it will not be the perfect fantasy you may have had in mind but it will be just as sweet. I’m sure you can think of at least one woman in your life who has gotten together with someone unexpected. Maybe one of your friends got together with a guy who came back into her life for a number of years. She had met him before, fell for him, but things didn’t work out. Then, out of the blue, he comes back into her life and he realizes what a great woman she is and that he has to be with her. It doesn’t sound that far-fetched, does it? And it certainly doesn’t involve the typical hijinks found in Hollywood movies. 12

I’ve seen it happen before. And that’s not the only situation where things work out. It is possible as long as you accept reality and you let go of any fantasies or daydreams about the “perfect” situation where your guy friend “magically” falls in love with you.

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Roadblocks The first step to getting yourself out of an involuntary friend zone and into romance land is to blast through some roadblocks. I’m about to reveal the things that are preventing you from making that leap and the solution to eliminating them. When you can climb over the obstacles in your way, your path to love is cleared. You and your guy friend will be able to see clearly what’s right in front of you. Depending on your situation, you may have more than one obstacle that is standing in your way and blocking your escape from the friend zone. In just a moment, you will see the truth about why men sometimes put women in this friend zone in their mind and why most women struggle to break out of it. Earlier I had said that you just got plunked into this box in your guy’s mind. He has a box labeled “friends” where you and everyone else he likes but isn’t interested in ends up. Now, you’re in that box at the moment but that doesn’t mean that you’re stuck there forever. Guys manage to break out of the friend zone with women all the time and it’s just as true for women. The only difference is that women often struggle to get out of that box more so than men do. In general, men tend to be problem solvers. If something isn’t working or something isn’t happening the way they want, they go about figuring out how to change it.

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For example, if they get stuck in the friend zone with a woman they want, they get to work figuring out what she wants and needs so that they can get out of that zone. This may include making big, sweeping romantic gestures like surprising her with a bouquet of roses. Or it might be simply cleaning up his act and looking presentable because she doesn’t want to date a slob. Whatever the roadblock is that’s in his way, this guy is going to figure it out and overcome it. On the other hand, women tend to treat men as they wish to be treated. That doesn’t mean that women aren’t as smart as men when it comes to solving the friend zone problem. They simply attempt the wrong things because it makes sense at the time. Without knowing any better, how could anyone expect you to know just what your guy friend needs to change his perspective on you? After all, you’ve probably already been trying some things that you thought would work. You drop hints about dating or being together. You pick up the pieces when someone else breaks his heart. You’re available all the time to try and show him that what he really wants and needs is right under his nose. He should get the hint eventually, right? After all, this is how the women in Hollywood movies go about it. When you get stuck in fantasyland, you imitate what you see but it doesn’t translate to reality. 15

The other problem is that men don’t always pick up on subtlety. In his mind, you are his friend. You are in that zone. That is where he has placed you. So when you start touching him seductively, making eyes at him, and dropping hints about things, he doesn’t always pick up on that. It comes off as strange behavior to him. He’s thinking to himself, “Why is she acting like this? What is wrong with her?” All he sees is his friend acting strangely towards him. He doesn’t see the situation as a woman who is interested in him in a romantic sense. In order for him to see that, you have to completely change his perspective towards you and break out of that friend zone box. Then, your seductive charms will be picked up by him and he can clearly see that you are a romantic, desirable woman instead of “just a friend”. If you continue trying to use subtle hints and nudge your way out of the friend zone the wrong way, you could even end up wrecking your friendship. It’s the same as a guy simply being persistent to a woman who said no the first time. If a guy kept pestering you about going out or how great he would be as a boyfriend, you would be completely put off of him. It comes off as creepy, desperate, and it makes you question if you even want to be friends with him when he’s acting like this. I’m not saying that you’re going to “creep out” your guy friend. 16

But continuing to try the subtle hint dropping, touching him, and putting yourself directly in his path is eventually going to put him off even being friends if you don’t first get out of the zone. He will get a strange vibe from you that doesn’t match his perception of you as a friend. Without being able to really explain it, the guy will get a sense of neediness and desperation from you. It makes him feel uncomfortable like he’s being ‘sensually attacked’ in a sense. He’s not sure where it’s coming from or how to make it stop. So he pulls out of the friendship altogether. This is what happens when you don’t know how to bust out of that friend zone that you now find yourself in. But not to worry, it took me years of discovering it on my own so you don’t have to. I will walk you through the simple steps of breaking out of that friend zone so that your guy’s perspective on you completely changes and he can see clearly that you are not “just a friend” but a woman he is interested in romantically. Just imagine how great it’s going to feel when you shrug off that feeling of hopelessness that’s clouding over your love life right now. No matter what you’ve tried in the past, you can throw that all away because you’re about to have the truth and the answers to your problem. A lot of women in your same exact situation go through life without ever figuring it out or discovering the secret. As I said, I struggled for years on my own until I finally got it right with the guy I had my heart set on.

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Every day that you see your guy friend is a painful reminder that you’re not together. You may see him with someone else and a pang of longing shoots through your heart. “Why can’t that be me? What’s wrong with me that he doesn’t want me?” Listen to me right now. There is nothing “wrong” with you. Absolutely nothing. It’s not that you’re not pretty enough, cool enough, accomplished enough, hot enough, rich enough, stylish enough, young enough or any other excuse that you’ve been telling yourself. It’s not about that at all. This system works for any woman because it’s not based on superficial looks or tricks to get a guy to fall for you. It is based on facts and basic male psychology. The secret to getting a guy to see you romantically applies to any guy and any woman can use it once she knows it. But you can’t let those negative thoughts drag you down. Instead, take a moment and imagine for yourself how it’s going to feel the day your guy looks at you and realizes that you’re not “just a friend”. When he looks at you with love and longing in his eyes because he sees what a wonderful woman you are and you’ve been right under his nose this entire time. How is it going to feel when he wraps you in his arms and whispers his love to you, telling you that he’ll never let you go. This isn’t fantasy. This is a very basic reality that is about to become your reality once you demolish those obstacles and see the truth about what you have to do to make that reality your own. 18

The answer may surprise you. All this time you’ve been building a false fantasy in your mind. You’ve accidentally bought into the Hollywood lie and it’s blocked you from seeing what’s really going on and how to change your own reality. If that’s the way you want to take things and continue waiting for enlightenment to dawn on your guy, you’ll be waiting a long time. Otherwise, you’re going to need to know the reasons why he’s put you in the “just friends” box in his mind so that you can see how to get out of it. Once you know the reason, you can overcome it and move on to bridging the gap between you.

It’s Too Obvious One reason he may have put you in the “friends only” box in his mind is that to date you would be too obvious. And furthermore, just because you feel a certain way, that doesn’t mean that he feels the exact same way. It may simply be too obvious to him. You think you’re being so clear and so obvious about what you want that he should be able to get it. But in reality, it’s actually going over his head. You think that he should just pick up on it. If you’ve been dropping hints, one of them must’ve stuck, right? At least you hope so. If you can see things clearly and know that you’re meant to be together, he must be able to see the same thing. How could he not?

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Well, it’s like this, you’re simply too close to him that it doesn’t even in his mind. Men are not mind readers. They don’t automatically know what’s going in your head when you do or hint at things. They don’t go digging for clues or spend their coffee breaks analyzing their interactions with women. They believe that what they see is what they get. If you’re his friend on the surface, that’s all he sees. He has no reason to go digging any deeper than that. He’s not asking himself, “I wonder if she likes me? I wonder how much she really loves me?” In his mind, you are just close friends who know a lot about each other and share things. You might be thinking, “Wait a minute. Isn’t that a good thing? Why would it be bad that we’re so close? That’s already half of the work.” It might make sense in your mind that way but let me explain it like this. Did you know that you can actually see your nose all the time? It’s literally right there on your face in front of your own eyes. You can actually see it 24/7. But your brain is wired to not see it. Otherwise it would be a distraction all the time. You would constantly be aware of it and focusing on it more than anything else in front of you. In your situation, you are like your guy’s nose. You’re literally so close to him that he can’t see you. He’s wired to not even look there for romance. 20

You’ve already been placed into the “friend zone” for one reason or another. You are now cemented there in your guy’s mind. There’s no reason he sees yet to take you out of that box. If he’s looking for a romantic partner, he doesn’t go digging through his box of female friends. He looks outward and finds someone new. Another way to think of it is how some people lose their car keys when they’re already in their hands. I know I’ve been guilty of this before. I’ve wandered around the house getting more frustrated by the minute, swearing up and down that I just had my keys in sight. After a couple of minutes someone will point out that I’m already clutching them in my hand. I had them the entire time but wasn’t looking for them anywhere close to me. I was looking out and around. That’s how your guy friend is. He might be looking for romance but because he’s wired to not look at you (or anyone else in the friend zone box), he’s looking at every other woman except you. In order to overcome this, you’re going to have to detach from him a bit so that there’s enough distance for him to see you in focus properly. Another way to understand this concept is the idea that “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone”. It’s kind of like wanting to be free and independent in your teenage years and pushing your parents away. But once you get to college or the next step in life and you’ve moved away from home, you start to miss it.

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It’s only then that you realize what you had and the safety and security you felt with your family that you realize you want it back. Of course, that’s part of growing up. But it took moving away or going to college to see what you had all this time. Right now, you and your guy friend are too close to each other because of your friendship. He thinks you’re going to be by his side as his friend forever. Well, maybe not forever. But you get my point. He can’t realize what he’s missing out on because he’s not even missing it yet! The first step in this process is going to take care of that issue. We’ll go over this in depth later on but just tuck that away for right now.

You’re Too Available This next reason goes hand in hand with the last one. Part of being too close to him is being too available. You’re his friend, so of course you’re going to be around. If he needs something, you’re there for him. But like his nose, you’re attached right to him. In your friendship right now, he probably shares everything with you, or at least more than a casual friend. He comes to you for advice, a shoulder to lean on, someone to go have fun with, or even just to vent about problems. He probably acts the same for you. If you need anything, you know that you can always count on him. After all, you’re friends, right? You might even be “one of the guys”. He’s your best guy friend but you share mutual friends. It’s no stretch to expect to be out with other guys and hang out having a good time. 22

It’s comfortable for you. That’s how you got to be such good friends with him in the first place. But the problem with this is that there’s such a thing as too much availability. When you hang out all the time, you leave little room for mystery. There’s no space for him to miss you when you’re always around. In fact, you can even be a safety net for him. Whenever he needs something or he falls, you’re there to catch him and vice versa. It often happens that people take this for granted. You always expect the other person to be there so you don’t think much about it. Being around all the time is not going to get him to see you as girlfriend material though. It’s a nice gesture as far as being a great friend, but it’s actually kind of motherly. The last thing you want a guy you’re crushing on to think of you is that you’re like his mother. Consider this, when he was a child he probably fell down and scraped his knees more times than he can count. After each fall he would run to his mother who would hush him and take care of his injuries. In much the same way, you might be like a mother figure in his life. Any time he has gets heartbroken, has a problem in his life or with a girl, you’re right there by his side to soothe him. It’s a loving and ive gesture but not in a way that is going to get him to take a second glance at you in a romantic sense. 23

He doesn’t need to see you all the time or be picked up when he falls. He’s a big boy. He can handle himself. That’s not to say you should yank your out from under him and tell him to buck up. But your should come from a place of genuine care. You’re not ing him because you want him to react a certain way or to reciprocate the intense love that you feel for him. Otherwise, you’re stepping into dangerous territory and playing games. If you find yourself ing him in the hopes that he will see what a caring girlfriend you would be, you need to take a step back. Let him handle things on his own. Your guy friend is going to be more attracted to you when you act authentically. Men don’t want women who are only putting on act. They want to be loved and ed simply for who they are and not because you want something from them. In this case, you may be ing your friend in the hopes that it opens his eyes to romantic possibility with you. You’re ing him so heavily because you want to get that result from him. It’s not coming from a place of love and sincerity. Instead, he will pick up on the fact that you’re only doing it in order to “get” something from him, namely romantic love. Your doesn’t feel sincere to him and now you’re no longer acting as a friend, let alone a potential romantic partner. Your guy will be fine without you hovering over him and ing his every need. What he really needs and wants is novelty and something new. 24

He needs mystery and spontaneity in his life, specifically from his love life. This is actually very, very simple to do when you know what pushes the right buttons in a man. Sadly, not every woman knows this. But the good news is that you’re about to discover the secret for yourself. Again, it doesn’t matter what your situation is, what you look like, or how long you’ve had your eye on him. These steps work for anyone because they’re tied to tried and true facts about men and how they operate. Once you see behind the curtain and understand what’s going on in your guy’s mind, it’s as simple as setting the gears in motion. I know I probably sound like I’m writing a detective novel now but what I’m trying to say is that your guy needs to wonder about you a little bit. As I just said, being too familiar and available does not help your case. You actually need to be a little more mysterious and unavailable in a genuine way. Don’t worry though. You don’t have to start any Phantom of the Opera shenanigans. We’ll cover later exactly how you get that alluring mystery about yourself that you can use to your advantage. I promise you that it will be a fun process. One thing that you will not be doing is playing games. You’re not going to do anything manipulative, uncomfortable, unnatural, or otherwise fake. This is another example of how believing too heavily in Hollywood stories will end up sabotaging your chances at love. 25

You may have seen the movie The Ugly Truth. On the surface it looks like a fun romantic comedy, and it is. I was entertained by it. But the entire premise is that the main character is cold, standoffish, and blunt. She has major sharp edges that need to be sanded down in order for a man to fall in love with her. A lot of women I’ve spoken to after seeing that movie had the impression that to get a guy, they have to be this ball-busting character who doesn’t take crap from anyone. They think that the key to winning a guy is to show that you’re not some simpering female who needs to be coddled or wooed. Well, they’re partially right. Men are not attracted to simpering women who can’t take care of themselves or who need a man to take the lead on everything. But that doesn’t mean you swing in the extreme opposite direction. “Not being too available” means just that. Nothing more. You’re not by your guy’s side 24/7. You’re not picking up the pieces when something breaks. You simply have other things going on. Just as it’s not attractive to be clingy, it’s also not attractive to be confrontational, abrasive, and aggressively unavailable. That’s not what men really want and it’s not what your guy friend is going to be attracted to in you. There’s a difference between being one of the guys and rolling with the punches, and then becoming this hard-nosed, standoffish “bitch”, for lack of a better term.

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Bitchiness and playing games will swiftly kill any hint of attraction you have been building with your guy. It just doesn’t work. However, there is a healthy and extremely effective method to making yourself less available without playing games. I’ll give you the secret to that in just a bit. But it has nothing to do with being fake or pretending like you’re too good to hang around your guy all of a sudden. Your lack of availability will instead be so natural that he will notice it all on his own. And then that concept of “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” will kick on in his brain and get the gears going to launch you out of that friend zone.

He’s Not Over An Ex This isn’t a gender-specific problem when trying to date. Both men and women have trouble getting over their exes. You may not believe it but men actually have a harder time getting over their exes. They just never show it so you wouldn’t guess. However, being his close friend, you’ve probably seen firsthand when your guy gets his heart broken or things don’t work out and he’s left devastated. You’ve probably been there to comfort him and reassure him that everything was fine. All the while you’re giving him sideways glances and wondering if this is the moment he’ll realize what’s right in front of him. Depending on how you’ve gone about this, you may actually be pushing him further away rather than drawing him in towards you.

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If you’ve ever been dumped or had your heart broken, think about how you felt at that moment. Your world was crumbling. You obsessed over what you could’ve done differently. You basically felt like crap. You got dumped by someone you deeply cared for and it sucks. Now imagine a close guy friend trying to comfort you. You only see him as a friend but a good one. However, you have no interest in him. So while he’s picking you up when you’re down, he’s dropping hints about dating, fending off anyone else who you might get attached to, and being glued to your side 24/7. At first he might say that he’s joking or he’s only trying to cheer you up but he keeps persisting. After a while it starts to feel invasive. It feels like he just can’t take the hint that you’re not interested. And you’re already feeling down so the last thing you want to do is feel pushed by someone who is supposed to care about you. That’s how your guy friend is going to feel if you swoop in while he’s the most vulnerable. Even if he isn’t fresh off a breakup, the wounds might still be open and you don’t want to be pouring salt on them, metaphorically speaking. If your love interest still isn’t over his ex, he’s going to need time to recover from it. There’s really nothing you can do in this situation. This isn’t an issue that can be forced or pushed.

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The best thing you can do is accept the situation and move on. That will be the most helpful to him and you in the longrun. You don’t have to bring over his favorite pizza and watch action movies. You don’t have to listen to him drone on about what he could’ve/should’ve/would’ve done differently. Essentially, you don’t have to act like his mother and take care of his “scraped knee”. Just simply be there for him as a friend. Push all romantic notions out of your mind and focus on him as the individual you know and care about as a person. This means no sitting on the sidelines with an agenda. Men can and do pick up on underlying energies even if you think they’re oblivious. You will make him uncomfortable if he senses that you’re only there for him to get over it so that you can pounce on him. Like trying to evade a wildcat stalking you from behind, he’ll try to put as much distance between you two as possible. Accepting the situation and moving on is actually a huge benefit to you, which we will cover more of later. Just trust that this is the best course of action. After all, nothing else you’ve been doing up until this point has worked, has it?

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Simple Test Now that I’ve laid out the most common roadblocks, you can do a simple test to evaluate whether your friend is ready for a possible relationship with you. The first step is to evaluate where he’s at in life. That means assessing if he is single. You might think this is a dumb question but if your guy friend is already with someone, then he’s not available and this will not work for you. Sure, you can use the techniques in this book. You can follow the steps to get out of the friend zone and get him to see you as a romantic possibility. But you don’t want to be the wedge that separates him from someone he’s happy with, especially if you lure him into cheating with you. I’m not suggesting that you would do that or that you are that type of person. But I have to caution you against going after a taken man. It rarely, if ever, works out and it’s never worth the hassle and heartbreak. If nothing else, he will see you as strangely desperate or jealous. Because he’s happy in a relationship with someone else, your actions will look silly. He will stop trusting you as a friend because he won’t know when the next flirt attack is coming at him. Not to mention his girlfriend will not be pleased and may even try to block his with you. There goes both your shot at love and your friendship. 30

If he’s already with someone, treat it the same as if he’s just broken up. Give him space and move on for the time being. Focus on living your own life and being his friend without laying in wait like you’re stalking prey. Of course things might change in the future. His relationship could end tomorrow. But you don’t want to be the cause or reason for that. It paints you in a bad light if you come away with what you think is success in “snagging” him all for yourself. Your relationship will eventually crash and burn because it wasn’t built on a solid foundation. You cannot possess another person. Your guy friend is not something for you to obtain or gain possession of. He is his own person and has his own free will just as you do. You cannot “steal” him from someone else. I am a firm believer in that the way you get him is the way that you’ll lose him. Meaning that if you use underhanded tricks to snag him away from a current girlfriend, you will most likely find yourself “losing” him in the same manner. Someone else will come along, see an opportunity, and whisk him away. Now, if he’s single, the next question is, has he just gotten out of a relationship? Is he not yet over his ex? Is he still heartbroken and licking his wounds? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then you need to follow the steps we covered above. Leave it alone. Be there for him as a friend and move on. 31

Again, once he’s gotten over it, you can start the process of becoming his girlfriend. But you can’t sit there and bide your time and let that energy seep into your friendship. It’s a turn off and will do more harm than good. This is a very simple and definitive question to ask. “Is he single? Is he open to dating or is he still hurting over a break up?” You’re not digging for clues here. Once you start doing that, you become a private investigator and you collect “evidence” to trying to make something work with him when it’s not going to. I’m not giving you tools to analyze his behavior and pick apart all of his interactions with you. You’re not playing emotional detective and fooling yourself into seeing only what you want to believe. One last “test” to run is assessing if he’s in or about to go through a major life transition. Is he moving? Is he starting a new job? Has he just lost a family member? Has he just lost his job? Is something else major going on in his life? I advise both men and women to avoid getting into relationships in these instances. It’s a lot to have on your plate and a relationship doesn’t always get the chance and attention it needs to get off the ground and thrive. Even if your guy friend falls into the arms of another woman at this time, the relationship is not likely going to go well. It’s not going to get the love, attention, and devotion that it needs because he is already preoccupied. 32

If your guy is going through a major transition, his attention is anywhere but on love. Men have a one-track mind and all of his focus is going to be on his situation. The way men prioritize things in life is by whatever is in crisis mode or whatever requires their immediate attention. Let’s say your guy friend just moved into a new apartment and he got a new girlfriend. He might be excited to have a new girlfriend but his apartment takes priority. He’s got to make sure the lease is signed. He needs to buy furniture. He probably has a lot of stuff to pack up in boxes and bring over to the new place. He’s getting to meet and know his neighbors. All of this requires his immediate attention. So, as happy as he is with his new relationship, it’s not that high on the totem pole. In his mind, taking care of his new living space and ‘shelter’ is more important for immediate survival. His relationship then suffers and his new girlfriend is upset at not having any time or attention with him because he’s so focused on his apartment situation. This is just one example of how a man’s immediate reality gets prioritized. Having a place to sleep and live is more important to his survival than being in a relationship. Trying to wedge your way into his life during these instances would be like trying to jump into the middle of a small tornado. You will be swept up and unable to do anything. Focus on being there for him as a friend (sincerely!) and I’ll show you just what to do in the meantime so that you can be prepared when his life and schedule open up again. 33

You will be so busy with your own process that you won’t even notice how much time is going by and your energy will reflect that. Instead of giving off a vibe of waiting to pounce, you will have a vibrant, happy energy that is even more magnetic and attractive to him. Doesn’t that sound better? I know it sounds like you’re just waiting around and leaving the possibility open for another women to swoop in and snatch him up. But the process that you’ll be going through will actually give him the motivation he needs to get his life together. You’re not going to be hovering over him, being the “ive friend”, or keeping a hawk eye on his relationship status. Waiting for a man is never productive and it’s not going to help him get his act together either. Men take action when they feel inspired to. Having you as a safety net by his side is not very inspiring. He won’t feel the same sense of urgency and motivation to do what needs to be done and to bring his A-game to win you over. I’m going to reveal a whole new game plan that you can and will follow step by step so that you’re never waiting around for your guy. And not only that, but by your actions alone, without him, you are inspiring him to step up. So, really, you’re not actually doing anything. You will see for yourself how simple and logical this system is to get your guy friend to make the moves all on his own and in less time than you can imagine. 34

After you’ve asked yourself the initial questions, you can evaluate the situation to see if there are any signs that show he’s ready for something now. Like I said before, you have probably wondered why he likes spending time with you and treating you well but he never takes it to the next step. Being his friend, you two are pretty close. You compliment each other. You listen to each other’s problems. You spend time together. You probably know more secrets about each other than most people do. So how can you tell if he’s giving you signals that are more than “just being friends”? Here’s the truth. Men are not very good at subtlety. It’s either too soft for you to pick up on because the guy is scared of your reaction, or it’s so blatant you would have to be blind to miss it. They’re not very skilled at it like women are. So your guy might he giving off signals that are so slight you can’t even pick up on them. And when he sees that you’re not taking the bait, he moves on. Thus, you get stuck in the friend zone. Then, when you want out of it, you have to follow the system outlined here because you missed the first opportunity and his perception of you got cemented into “just friends”. These ‘signs’ include talking about wanting a relationship (in general), saying you look good on a regular basis, complimenting you, teasing you (in more than a friendly way), or “pretending” to get jealous when you talk about other guys. He also finds excuses to make physical with you. You might have friendly hugs that linger a couple seconds longer than normal. He gives you neck massages or holds your hand while talking. 35

If your guy is doing all of these little things on a regular basis, you’re looking at a good chance at a relationship with him. He might just be doing it subconsciously and not even thinking about it, but it’s giving away his true feelings. Of course, don’t just jump at him if you pick up on these signals. You don’t want to misread things and pounce on him when he’s just joking around. Look at these signs as one piece of the possibility instead of taking them for absolute truth. The more signs you see, the easier the transition will be from “just friends” to being his girlfriend. Like I said, I’m not giving you tools to play detective with. I’m merely trying to illustrate the difference between a guy who could have feelings for you and one who clearly does not. If he’s ever said to you, “I don’t want to date you” or “I don’t want a relationship with you”, that’s a crystal clear ‘sign’ that he is not interested in being anything more than friends. These ‘signs’ I just mentioned are one tiny part of a very large picture. They’re not a checklist for you to tick off and think, “Yep. He likes me. Time to make a move.” It’s merely to show that you have a better chance at something working. But like anything, there are other variables that go into the mix. For instance, if he already has a girlfriend, these ‘signs’ mean nothing. All they indicate is that you have a very close friendship.

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On the other hand, if he is single, there is a better chance that they could mean more. But you cannot take them as evidence or ‘proof’ to validate your fantasies. , you’re separating reality from fantasy because the two will never be the same no matter how much you wish for it. You have to see your reality as it is and see if there is a way to make it work for you. Furthermore, you do not need these signs in order to successfully break out of the friend zone with a guy. As I said, they’re only one tiny part of the big picture. When you start to need him to act a certain way or to get a specific reaction out of him, that feeling of neediness starts to seep out. And he will pick up on it. All guys can sense when you’re trying to get something from them. Whether it’s a relationship, a reaction, or something else. It’s in your demeanor even when you think you’re hiding it. So, don’t look at your situation and think or feel that in order to turn things around, you need to see these signs from your guy friend. The reality is that at this very moment, you two are friends. You want to be more than friends but you’re not sure how. You’ve been placed into the “friend zone” in your guy’s mind and that’s where you will stay until you learn how to shift his perception of you. That is what you need to focus on. Not whether he’s touching your arm when you talk to him or if he’s ever “hinted” about a relationship. 37

Those ‘signs’ are merely a small piece to think about in connection to everything else. That’s it. Nothing more. So, without further ado, let’s get down to business so that I can give you the secret to changing your friend’s perspective on you once and for all. You will be able to break out of that friend zone, have your friend see you as a romantic possibility, and spur him into taking action to make it happen.

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First Steps Now that we’ve got the basics out of the way and you’ve done your evaluation, it’s time to start the process of getting out of that friend zone in your guy’s mind. These are easy steps and I’ve made the process as simple as possible. There’s no heavy lifting here, I promise. Not only will these steps lead you to becoming your guy friend’s one and only, but they have long-reaching benefits outside of your relationship. I know you’re probably only looking at getting the relationship going but hey, who doesn’t like a bonus? The crux of this process is that you are going to be making some changes. Before you jump ship and say, “Why do I have to change anything?”, just think about where you’re at right now. You’ve been doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same results. You’re either trying too hard to get your guy’s attention or you’re waiting for him to wake up and see the light. Well, the problem is that if you want the same result, you keep doing the same thing. If you want a different result, you have to do something different. This goes for anything in life. It’s the definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. If you want to treat your situation like some weird science experiment, go ahead. But the result will be the same.

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Just like in science, if you want to see different results, you’re going to have to change some of the variables. , one of the problems in your situation is too much familiarity. You and your guy are too familiar with each other because you’ve been doing the same things this whole time. It’s like watching a hamster roll around in a wheel all day. The hamster thinks it’s getting somewhere because it’s moving. But in reality, it’s simply “spinning its wheels” and going nowhere. You don’t want to be the hamster wasting time in a wheel going nowhere. You need to leap out of the wheel and try something new if you want to get a different result. Instead of hovering by your friend’s side and hoping he catches on to the possibility of romance with you, you’re going to pull back a bit and introduce something completely new to wake up him. You’re going to remedy that routine you’ve fallen into by shaking things up a bit. It’s actually going to be fun for you and it puts you outside of his limited area of focus so that he can see you properly. Just like in my example before, you don’t want to be the car keys in his hand that he’s ignoring. You want to be the car keys on the counter top that he can easily spot and say “Aha!”. You’ve probably already hinted or played coy with him in the hopes that he would pick up on what you’re trying to go for. But he says you’re just friends or he doesn’t notice at all. When that happens, you need to avoid the #1 mistake women make in this situation. Not only can it wreck your chances at any romance in the future with him, but it can also destroy your friendship if you really screw it up. 40

#1 Mistake So what is this detrimental, evil, super destructive mistake? It’s as simple as letting your basic instincts kick in and lead you astray. Most of the time our instincts work for us. They’re wired as a safety guard to keep us protected and surviving. So I’m not saying that you should ignore your instincts. But in this particular situation, your first instinct is not going to help you. When your guy friend says that you’re just friends or that he’s not into you “in that way”, your first instinct is going to be to chase him. You will start dreaming up ways to make it happen so that you can get your fairytale romance after all. If he’s given you a reason why, you begin plotting ways around it. I know because I’ve done it myself. When a guy said he wasn’t interested in me, I went into full detective mode to find out why. I tried to pry him with questions. I attempted to squeeze information out of his friends. I watched the girls he seemed to be interested in and tried to copy them. But nothing worked because I was doing all of the wrong things even when I felt like they would work. My first instincts in this situation were leading me astray. In the end, you bend over backwards trying to “prove” yourself to him and make him see the light. You jump through hoops to show that you are the one for him and not this other girl he has his eye on.

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All this accomplishes though is turning him off to the thought of you completely in all romantic sense. It’s pushy and it makes him question your motives. You’re such good friends that when he’s told you stuff before, you’ve accepted it because you care about him. But now you’re pushing and you’re trying to tell him that he’s wrong. He’s uncomfortable and he starts to back away. Now your instincts are going to kick in even stronger. When something you want runs away, you have the urge to chase after it. After all, this instinct worked for us in the past. When we as human beings had to forage for food, if an animal we were hunting ran away, we would chase it down to kill it. You wouldn’t sit there and wait for the rabbit or deer to come to you. That wouldn’t work! But your guy is not a rabbit or deer. Therefore the instinct doesn’t work in this situation. To put it another way, just imagine if a guy did this to you. Picture a situation where a guy friend (not the one you’re interested in now) said that he wanted to be more than friends. You told him that you’re not interested, you’re only friends, and you don’t want to ruin the friendship. He says “ok” and you think everything is fine. But then you find that he’s being really pushy about spending time with you. He talks badly about other guys you’re seeing. He goes above and beyond to show how great he is compared to them. All of it gets exhausting and you slowly start to back away because it’s easier than dealing with him. It’s a bad situation because you wanted to be friends but he’s making that hard by not taking no for an answer. 42

That’s how your man is going to feel if you give in to those instincts and start chasing him. This is the most common mistake women make in this situation and it never works out. In order to win him over you have to fight that urge. As much as you want to chase after him and ask “why” or show how he’s making a mistake, don’t do it! Accept his answer and move on. “But wait a minute. You said you would help me get him. How is this helping?” I hear you. Don’t panic. Accepting his answer and moving on does not mean you are accepting defeat. Otherwise there would be no purpose to this book, right? We’re going to turn this around in just a moment but you have to trust me. If you’ve already brought up the subject and he says no or that you’re just friends, nod your head and say “ok”. Then move on. You have to keep your friendship intact because your relationship builds on that. Without this foundation, your relationship won’t be as strong. You don’t want to lose his trust before you even get started. Chasing him and trying to prove yourself to him is one major way to accidentally turn him off to you completely.

Get A Life The first thing you need to do immediately is to get a life and I don’t mean that in a harsh or flippant way. I mean that you need to get the gears going and get something started in your own life that you can commit your time and energy to. 43

Since you’re not spending your energy chasing your guy down, that energy has to go somewhere, right? You’re going to channel it into something productive that catches your guy’s attention and lures him in. When you have other things to devote your time to, it doesn’t give you the chance to dwell on and obsess over him and his actions. You’re not wasting time pining away for him and wishing things were different. If you want change then you have to take action. There’s a whole world out there! I know right now you probably feel like your guy friend is your whole world. He’s all you can think about and you find yourself easily slipping back into daydreams about him. But you’re setting yourself up for disappointment that way. You need to move on and fill your life with other things. It honestly doesn’t matter what you choose as long as you pick something. The benefit to this is that you begin to develop a rich life. You get hobbies and interests. You spend your time doing what you love and what puts a smile on your face. It keeps you from feeling a “void” where your guy friend said no to your advances if you made any. I’m going to let you in on a little secret as to why this is so important. It’s not enough that I simply tell you to do these things. You have to understand why in order for it to work. You’ll only get the full effect if you get why it works and not just reason it works.

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The secret is that men don’t want to be with women who have a void in their life. They don’t want to feel responsible for filling it. It’s actually not his job to do that. If you feel a void in your life, that’s on you. Having another person in your life is not going to “complete” you. That’s just another Hollywood lie that’s designed to suck you in and play on your emotions. I haven’t seen Jerry Maguire myself but I know the line. Tom Cruise says “You complete me”. It sounds romantic and it looks great on screen. But that’s not real life. No one, and I mean no one can complete you just as you cannot complete any man. It’s a false and destructive idea to have that you ‘need’ someone else to fill some void in your life. Relationships are about compatibility and balance. There will be things that you may lack in your life that your guy brings to the table. And there will be things that you bring to the relationship that your guy doesn’t have on his own. But it’s a balancing act. It’s about complimenting each other’s personalities, strengths, and weaknesses. You are meant to grow together. Your guy is just like any other guy. He’s naturally attracted to women who have something going on. They don’t need a man and they’re certainly not wallowing around in self-pity because someone said no to them. I’ve said it before, your guy is too familiar with you. He already knows everything about you. It’s the same old thing. 45

So pick something different. Spend a little time apart and pursue something you’ve always wanted to do. Take up painting classes. Go hiking more. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Read and watch the news. Attend a festival or music concert. Catch up with friends you haven’t seen in forever. Whatever it is, do something different and get out there. Simply having a relationship does not lead to happiness. Instead of focusing on getting something to make you happy, do things that automatically make you feel good. When you have the mindset that you can be happy as you are, you’ve achieved something everyone strives for every single day. Think about it. Who would you rather hang out with? Someone who is miserable and always needs other people to lift them up? Or someone who takes action in their own life, follows their desires, and beams happiness from within? That’s how your guy friend is going to see you. When you’re happy in your own life without needing him or trying to get a specific reaction from him to make you happy, he becomes more attracted to you. He doesn’t want to feel obligated to make or keep you happy as if you’re going to crumble and fall apart the moment he steps away. It’s a turn off to have to continually prop someone up on their own two feet. You cannot go into this process with the idea that you will finally be happy, whole, and complete once you’re in a relationship with him.

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It’s fine to want a relationship but you don’t need one. It’s just one small part of an otherwise fabulous life you should be leading. After all, if you don’t have anything else going on, what do you really have to talk about? What are you bringing to the table? The more you get involved with your own life, the more you will naturally become less available to your guy friend. You will be a little busier pursuing your own interests without him. But again, you have to do things sincerely. Don’t sign up for a beach volleyball group if you hate the outdoors and physical exercise. Bragging to your guy about how wonderful and awesome your time playing beach volleyball is will ring hollow. Especially if he knows you would rather chew glass than run around in the sand hitting balls over a net. I told you that this process would be fun and it would benefit you in ways beyond simply breaking out of the friend zone and capturing your guy’s heart. I know this sounds really sappy, but true happiness comes from within. It’s something that you have to work on by yourself. If you’re not happy in your own life, no amount of outside ‘things’ are going to change that. That’s why you see some people with millions of dollars who are still miserable. They keep buying things to try and fill that void in their life instead of confronting the fact that they’re simply not happy with themselves.

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When you can find things that make you feel good without effort, you know you’ve hit the jackpot. Take some time and find what makes you happy and carve out the time to do it. Your happiness and light will beam from within and act as a lighthouse to your guy friend. But he needs to see that you are happy and complete on your own. Otherwise, you will never get him romantically interested in you. Men aren’t looking for charity cases to “save”. They want women who are whole and happy with themselves first.

“You’re Not My Type” Ouch. This is something no one likes to hear. It’s kind of a doublewhammy. Not only is your guy not interested in you romantically, but he’s also trying to subtly say he’s not even attracted to you. He might think you’re gorgeous as a person but you’re not triggering any sexual attraction in him. Not to worry though. He simply hasn’t seen you as a viable option yet. You guys started off as friends and you just got shuttled into that “friends only” zone in his mind. Or, he does actually have a type that he usually goes for and you’re not it but there are ways around it. Say for example that his type is typically leggy blondes but you’re petite and brunette. That doesn’t mean he can never and will never go for you. You simply have to change his perception. I had a friend once whose ex only dated busty redheads. But when he met her he fell head over heels for her. She was short, with cropped dark hair, and nothing like his exes.

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Something about her captured his attention, though. He pursued her for weeks before she finally agreed to go out with him. So you see, things can change. Even if he says you’re not his “type”, that’s not set in stone. I have guy friends whose “type” changes on a monthly basis. I even know women who change their mind on their “type” depending on the season! Another reason you might not be his type is if you’re always hanging around as “one of the guys”. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it doesn’t help your case when that’s the only way he thinks of you. Your friend is a man. You are a woman. He wants a woman in his life. You want a man in your life. So what is the difference separating you two? I know, I know. Dumb question. His masculinity and your femininity are what separate you two and make you desirable to each other. He wants to be with a feminine woman and you want to be with a masculine man. So, while you may be “one of the guys”, you can’t lose your femininity. It’s part of what makes you a woman and what makes you desirable to men in general (not just your friend). If your guy wanted someone masculine, he would date another man, right? But he’s not. So you can come to the obvious conclusion that he’s attracted to a feminine woman. If you’ve been comfortable in that box, it’s going to take a little work to break out of it. You need to get back in touch with your feminine side in order to shift his perspective. 49

You’re going to have to make him see you less as one of the guys and more as an attractive woman he can and wants to date. The key to understanding this is that men are attracted to looks first. I know that’s probably not what you want to hear but it’s the truth and I would be doing you a disservice if I didn’t tell you. Men fall in love with a woman’s looks before her personality. Women, on the other hand, get charmed by a man’s personality and he becomes more physically attractive in their eyes as time goes on. But that’s not bad news! And I’m not telling you to go out and dye your hair or morph into the type of woman your guy friend usually goes for. You simply have to be aware of reality. , no more Hollywood lies. The movies only employ hot, desirable, beautiful women. But that’s not real life. There are beautiful women in all shapes and sizes. Not just what you see in the movies. I know I’m probably preaching to the choir here. It’s just difficult to see sometimes because you rarely see other women represented in these romantic comedies or as the beautiful female lead in anything else. Producers want to sell a fantasy and part of that fantasy is casting gorgeous women who look beautiful on screen (after they’ve been fussed over by a team of stylists and makeup artists). In reality, men actually like all types of women. Believe it or not but most men don’t go for the model runway look. They like women of all shapes, sizes, heights, hair color, etc. 50

If they only dated models, all you would see were weddings for models. That’s absurd, right? So the truth is that you have just as good of a shot as any other woman out there. You don’t have to fit into some cookie cutter mold. The main attraction for men is a woman who is fit, healthy, happy, comfortable with herself, confident, and desirable. Fitness and health are pretty basic. You eat right and you exercise. Whatever that means to you. Maybe you eat organic and do yoga every day. Maybe you eat protein shakes and hit the weights at the gym. Maybe you eat whatever you want 20% of the time and healthy the other 80% of the time while doing physical activities as they appeal to you. There’s no one-size-fits-all program here. The most important thing is that you are taking charge to be the healthiest and fittest that you can be for you. It’s easy to incorporate what works into your lifestyle. Not everything works for everyone. Find what works for you that you enjoy and you don’t feel like you have to keep up with some idealized vision of the perfect body. As far as happiness goes, we’ve already covered that. Men want to be around happy women. They like to feel uplifted and have a good, relaxed time. That’s part of the reason why you and your guy are already friends. He enjoys your presence, you make him feel relaxed, and you’re probably a pretty happy person already. 51

If you weren’t, he wouldn’t be hanging around you. But if you get rejected by him in a romantic sense, you can’t dwell on it. That is only going to put a dent in your happiness and therefore a dent in his desire to be around you. You have to move on and continue doing things that fill up your happiness meter. Be optimistic. You’re taking steps to change that no into a yes! When it comes to comfort and confidence, this is about how you carry yourself. Many people like to think of confidence as this elusive entity that they need to work really hard at and keep a grip on at all times. What it comes down to is how comfortable you are with yourself and how your presence comes off to other people. Part of that comes from how you dress and how you feel in what you’re wearing. Focus on wearing what looks good on you and that you feel great in. Following trends doesn’t get the guy. But incorporating some trends that flatter you will help you feel more confident which does lead to you getting the guy. No guy out there has ever said, “The moment I saw her in that coral peplum top, I knew she was the one for me.” Sounds silly, right? That’s because it is. But if you’re wearing that new coral blouse and owning every room you walk into, that is when the top is working for you. You’re feeling good, you know you look good, and that confidence radiates off of you.

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It’s almost contagious, which is when your guy friend will start to take notice of you in a new way. You’ll no longer be just his friend but his attractive female friend who is looking mighty good lately. Break apart from the trend herd and do what works for you. Think for yourself and stand out a bit. Men like a woman who is independent and doesn’t follow the crowd all the time. And there’s nothing wrong with following trends if that’s what you like. You don’t have to fling yourself off the beaten path and become “alternative” or anything. The bottom line is that you do what works for you and makes you happy. Whether that’s buying up all the latest trends or doing something that no one else is trying.

Desirable This needs its own section because this is the whole crux of the operation when breaking through that obstacle of not being your guy’s usual type of woman he’s attracted to. This little trick is by far the easiest way to get him interested and start seeing you in a different light. The way to do that is to keep your options open in your love life. What I mean by that is you have to allow yourself to be open to flirting with or dating other guys. “But I don’t want other men. I only want him! I thought this was supposed to help me get my guy friend, not someone else!” You’re right. This is to help you change your guy friend’s perspective of you and get him to nail you down in the relationship you’ve been dreaming of.

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But part of the process is triggering a button inside of him that spurs him to action and you can’t do that without this step. I explained earlier how men need to be motivated in order to take action. Jumping through hoops to show a guy how great you are isn’t going to trigger that feeling. You’re handing everything to him up front and if he wants it, he knows it’s there. He doesn’t have any sense of urgency to make you a priority because he knows that you’re going to stick around no matter what. When most women get latched onto one man, they end up shutting down all of their other options. They say no to every date that comes their way because they’ve got blinders on. You’re so in love with your guy friend that you can’t imagine being with anyone else. You’ve built up this fantasy and love in your head so much that no one else can compare. You only focus on your friend and no one else even s on your radar. Even if you’re not getting asked out, any man’s attempt to flirt with you is rebuffed. All you can think about is your guy friend. You can’t even entertain the thought of exchanging words and glances with another guy you might find attractive. Well, the issue is that your friend is going to pick up on that. He’s going to get the sense that you’ve got him locked in your sights and now he’s getting uncomfortable. As he starts to pull away, you start to push and chase more. And……well you know the rest of the story there. 54

There’s nothing wrong with leaving your options open. Seeing other guys is not going to make your guy friend walk off or give up. You’re not doing anything to sabotage your chances with him. In fact, you’re actually increasing your shot at love with him. All you have to do is simply change up the way you talk about things a little bit. Leave yourself open to seeing other guys and don’t be afraid to let that drop into conversation. The key is to simply be casual about it. You’re not dangling it in front of his face or making a big spectacle of it. That defeats the whole purpose. If you do that, he’s going to think you’re doing it on purpose to make him jealous and “prove” yourself. Again, not what you’re going for. You don’t even have to say anything about other guys. In order to be as authentic as possible, just hang back and don’t try to hide it. If it comes up naturally in conversation, that’s great. But there’s no reason to bring it up yourself or say, “Hey, by the way, I was on a date the other night.” And try to see his reaction. Otherwise you’re going to be stepping into a needy mindset then. The moment you being doing things just to get a certain response, it comes off as needy. That’s not the vibe or energy that is ultimately going to attract your friend and make him sit up and say, “Wait a minute. I’m actually really attracted to her. I need to take action before someone else gets to her first.” Leave yourself open to flirting or going out with other guys and make time to do things in your own life that you enjoy. 55

Simply incorporate your new activities and new dating life into conversation. Don’t be afraid to say you went out on a date the other night if it comes up or talk about your new hobby, whatever it was that you chose to do. Talk about the new things that you’re into and let your feminine side shine through. The purpose of this is to get him thinking about you in a new way. He had you in his mind as one way and now you’re showing him all the other facets to your personality and life that he had no idea about. The problem before was familiarity. You two are friends and so you take for granted that you actually don’t know everything about each other. You think you do and so you don’t always notice the other side to a person unless something changes to force you to see it. You’ve taken that problem and shaken things up so that he feels less familiar with you as he’s learning more about you and what you’ve been up to in your spare time. He may have said no to your advances before but now he can see that you weren’t dwelling on them and you have actually been leading a very interesting and happy life in the meantime. The real trick is to incite a sense of urgency within him. He needs to feel a hint of fear that he might lose you. Rather than feeling pushed away by you chasing him or needing something from him, he will instead feel like he has to keep you in his life. 56

in the beginning when I said that this is one of those situations where “you don’t realize what you have until it’s gone”. When you take things for granted, you notice as soon as they’re no longer around and then you want them back. If you’re always hanging around, hoping he changes his mind, he doesn’t fear losing you. He knows you’re not going anywhere anytime soon. You’ve been by his side always and he assumes you will continue to be. By leaving yourself open to other options, you become desirable and get around that loophole of “not his type” when he starts to see that other men want you. You’re in demand. You’re a hot commodity. Other men find you desirable and they want to take you out. Letting slip here and there that you’re out with other men and you’ve got fun, interesting, and exciting things going on in your life is going to give him a better idea of how desirable you are. He’ll start to wonder if he’s missing out. After all, you’re looking better, you’ve got great energy, you’re not around all the time, other men are taking you out. The gears start turning in his head without you pushing, pull, or doing anything manipulative! See how easy that is? That’s how he gets to the conclusion and it’s all his idea. Meanwhile, you’ve simply made your life better and set the foundation for him to finally make a move. 57

He starts to fear that he’ll lose you if one of these guys taking you out steals your heart. Now that he’s wi to how great you are and you’ve been under his nose all the time, he feels the clock ticking. The one vital secret you must know above everything else is that your guy has to have a fear of loss in order to make a move towards you. It’s what motivates all men in every aspect of life. A guy fears losing his job, so he works harder. A guy fears losing his standing with his friends, so he buys a bigger TV and invites them over for a sports game. A guy fears losing you and he makes a move to make you his girlfriend before someone else swoops in on him and grabs you up. As you can see, it’s a pattern that follows a man throughout his whole life and you can use this truth to your advantage. However, you must first lay the foundation. You can’t inject fear of loss into a man who doesn’t care about losing. That’s why you have to first make him see what he’s missing out on. If you aren’t desirable and attractive to him, he’s not going to care about losing you because he doesn’t value you. It’s like finding an old sweater in the back of your closet. If it’s dingy and not worth washing and wearing again, you wouldn’t care at all about throwing it out or donating it. It doesn’t bother you to “lose” the sweater. On the other hand, if you found the sweater in the back of your closet and it looked fabulous, you would be thrilled that you found it again. 58

You would wonder why you never wore it before and how could you not notice it was in the back of your closet? If you were cleaning things out and almost threw it away, you would now be afraid to lose it. Now, you would make it a priority to wear the sweater, take care of it, and keep it in a drawer where it’s not going to get lost or accidentally thrown out or donated. You want to be as desirable as that sweater. You need your guy friend to see the value in you and what a great woman you are. If he doesn’t see that, he can’t fear losing you. The problem before is that you were too familiar, available, and he never had a chance to think of you as a viable option. Now that you’ve taken steps to show him what he’s missing out on, that fear is going to hitch in his chest and the gears begin turning in his mind. Foundation first. Fear of loss second. See how simple that is? And the whole time you let him come to the conclusion himself. That way you let him reach towards you and make the move to give you that whirlwind romance you’ve been dreaming of all this time.

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Second Steps Now that you’ve got the foundation laid out and you’re kickstarting a little fire that gets him going out of fear, it’s time for the second round of steps. Just like the first set, these are super simple and require almost no effort. How hard is it to live your best life and have fun doing it? This is where you help your man “connect the dots” so that he can reach the conclusion on his own and make the move. , it’s a man’s instinct to chase and prioritize things that he wants to keep in his life and you can’t force that on him. But you can take steps to lure him in and ignite his ion for you so that he doesn’t think twice about pursuing you. He just has to have you and he’ll stop at nothing until he succeeds.

Consistency I do need to caution you though that this doesn’t happen overnight. You’re not snapping your fingers and finding yourself waking up with the perfect romance tomorrow morning. It does take a little time but if you follow all the steps correctly and give your guy some space, he will realize what’s been right in front of him this whole time. And, it will happen in a fraction of the time it would take if you were to wait around, hoping that some day he comes to his senses. Even though he’s not making a move right away, he will start to notice the changes you’re making. When you spend a little less time around him in order to pursue your hobbies. 60

When you’re not around as much because you’re out on dates. When you come back glowing from them and the rest of the amazing things you have going on in your life. The key here is to be consistent. Anything that you’ve chosen to do and spend your time on, you have to commit to. , you’ve accepted his rejection and moved on for the time being. You’re not doing other things while looking back over your shoulder expecting him to follow you. This is not an overnight change and you will get the best results from consistency and small changes here and there. You should absolutely still hang out with him. You’re not pulling away or “punishing” him by removing your affection and friendship. Otherwise you’ll look like a petulant child throwing a tantrum. Continue spending time with your guy but not too much. You’re not overcompensating and trying to show him how great you are or jumping through hoops to fill “voids” you see in his life. Oh yes, I’ve seen women try this tactic. They try and find any little area in a guy’s life that is lacking and they do their best to patch it up and show how valuable they are. Men don’t actually like that. They don’t need you swooping in and “fixing” everything for them. You come off as having an agenda and they know you’re not doing it out of the pure goodness of your heart. So don’t overload him with attention. You should be hanging out normally but keeping in mind that you’ve also got other things going on in your life. 61

You have a schedule you stick to. You have activities that you do. You have other dates you go on. You have places to be, things to see, people to talk to. Your guy friend is not your world. I know it’s hard to stop thinking about him. You want nothing more than to have things work out and they will! But you have to essentially fix it and forget it like a crock pot. You put all of the ingredients in, set the timer, and walk away. You can judge by the smell alone that your recipe is cooking along great and in almost no time you see that it’s done. This process is much the same way. You’re laying the ground work and setting the timer for your guy friend to start heating up to the idea of dating you. You’re giving him the opportunity to make a move towards you as it feels natural to him. You’ve shown him a new side to you, gotten around those pesky barriers of not being his type, and you’ve suddenly become desirable in his eyes. By creating a bit of space, he can see you clearly now and see what he’s been missing all this time. Combine that with the fact that you’re keeping your options open, and you’ve got the perfect recipe to encourage him to make a move.

Seduction This is also the time when you connect the dots by being a little more seductive. That’s right, you’re going to use your sensual powers to draw him in.

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Although you might have been afraid to make a move in the past, now is the time to strike the delicate balance that shows him how desirable you are while letting him make the first move. By now you should be moving with confidence. You’ve been focused on getting fit and healthy, wearing clothes that flatter you, and getting more attention from both your guy friend and other men. That all rolls into your confidence and how you flirt with and interact with your friend. And this is after you’ve given him space. You’re not laying the foundation one week and then expecting a miracle the next. Rome wasn’t built in a day. However, that doesn’t mean you won’t start to notice some changes. It’s just going to take a little while for you to get involved in your other activities, spend time away from your friend, and give him that space he needs to change his perception of you. Now, you’re not going to pounce on him or start acting like another person or a “ditz” in order to pique his interest. Flirting doesn’t have to be over the top to get his attention. All you have to do is turn the notch up a little and add some spice. You’re allowed to flirt now. Before, if you had started acting seductive around him, he would’ve felt like you were pushing the issue. But because you’ve given him space, improved your own life, and picked up some other male attention along the way, it’s time to show him some interest so that he knows he’s still got a shot now that he wants to take it. Basically all you are doing is dres, tapping into your feminine side, and letting him be a man. When his perception of you changes, he will make the move all on his own. 63

Let him get to that point and decision by himself. You don’t have to do anything to make him take action and reach for you. Your focus should be on living your life and being the most amazing, high quality woman that you can be. It’s not about your actions that speak to him. It’s your overall mindset and vibe that he’s able to pick up on. Just as you’re changing his perspective about you, your own mindset has to change for the better. It’s part of being that desirable, high quality woman he realizes that he has to have in his life before he misses out for good. People don’t value that which they don’t work for. It’s the difference between giving a teenager a new computer and letting them work for it. The teen who is just given the electronic may break it, abuse it, leave it out to get stolen, and in general just not take care of it. Because they have no investment in it, whether it’s time and or money, they don’t care as much. But a teen that has to earn their own computer is going to take much better care of it. If they want the computer that badly, they will take action to make it happen. It’s the same with men. When a man doesn’t have to work for your affection or earn it in any way, he’s not as hooked. He doesn’t care as much because he didn’t put that much into it. When you do all of the work for him and you bend over backwards to get his attention, he doesn’t appreciate you all that much.

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Believe it or not, but men want to work for your love. Your guy friend is going to want to earn it for himself as soon as he realizes how great you are. He wants to have that pride that he was able to make the effort, put in the time, and ultimately succeed in snagging you all for himself. But you have to give him the space and opportunity to do that. You rob him of that potential when you do things to make him chase you or you bend over backwards to gain his attention. As I said, it’s not about you doing things. When you focus on making your own life the best that it can be, everything will fall into place. You give your guy space to make that move towards you and he will. There’s no manipulation, no extreme effort, and no trickery on your part. Just give him some hints and let him act on them. His attention is on you now and giving him a green light here and there will put him on the right track. Give him opportunities to be with you one-on-one in a more intimate setting. Flirt with him. Gently place your hand on his arm when he says something funny, but just for a moment. These little gestures and touches let him know that there’s something there and you’re open to him making a move. Show him through your body language that he can take that next step. Smile. Be happy. Look into his eyes and make that connection. But keep in the back of your mind that you have other options. Always ing your options helps you keep your energy in check. 65

When you don’t feel like you need attention back from him or that you need him to react to you in a certain way, your own actions stay genuine. , men pick up on the vibes that you’re giving off. Whether you’re trying to be ive or seductive, if you’re doing it for a specific response, he will feel that from you. By keeping your options open, you have the mindset that you would like for him to react positively but you don’t need him to. You are desirable with or without his returned interest. Other men find you attractive and desirable. You may or may not be going out on other dates. But you’re keeping those options open. Rather than putting all of your eggs in one basket, so to speak, you’re simply leaving the door open for your guy friend to step up to the plate to make sure he’s the winner. He can sense that he has competition and he’s not the only guy who thinks that you’re hot stuff. But when you only use other dates as a way to make him jealous or you flirt with him in the hopes of getting a reaction out of him, he picks up on it. Everything must be out of fun and the pure joy of doing it. He will feel more relaxed in your presence and start to realize that he has to lock you down if he wants to keep it. At this point he should be making his move to get you and make you his girlfriend.

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You’ve laid the foundation, left a trail of bread crumbs, and you’ve been living your amazing life while giving him space to get with the program. , this is not an overnight process! It does take a little time. But instead of watching the clock, watch how vastly your own life improves. Go out, have fun, and leave your options open. Everything will fall into place.

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End Of The Journey If you’ve done everything right up until this point and followed the steps in order, you should have your man. He has seen how amazing you are and how he’s been missing out this whole time. With the space you’ve given him, you’ve left the field open for him to come towards you and start making the first romantic moves. Instead of focusing on getting a reaction out of him, you focused on yourself and how to change his perception of you. Without that change in perception, you will forever remain in the “friend zone” in his mind. As I’ve said a couple of times, this is not an overnight, instant success but that is the fun part. You get to draw out the romance and enjoy every moment of it along the way! Now, if you’ve done everything and he still doesn’t go for it, then it’s simply not meant to be. I know that’s not what you want to hear but you can at least feel good knowing that you’ve done absolutely everything you can. There is nothing more you can do that isn’t forceful or manipulative. Anything past this point would step over that line. If he’s not picking up the bait or making a move, the feelings simply aren’t there. It’s not something that you can force. I’m sure you know men in your life who you just are not attracted to and never will be. That doesn’t mean you care about them any less. 68

But you would have to pretend to like them more than you do and that’s just not fair to anyone involved. Trying to force something to happen between you and your friend is like cupping your hands and trying to keep water from spilling out. You may be able to hold a little bit but eventually it all leaks out. Sometimes two people simply aren’t compatible. It has nothing to do with you as a person. It’s not a reflection of you being unattractive or not good enough in any way. You and your friend may simply not be compatible together in a romantic sense. A relationship can’t work if only one person is invested in it and attracted. If your friend isn’t attracted to you at all in a romantic sense, there’s nothing that can change that. There is no magic spell or formula to force him to love you in that way. However, he still loves you as a friend and if you can accept that, then you will at least have your friendship intact. It’s better to be friends than to try and force something that isn’t going to work. Even if you did manage to convince him to date you, he wouldn’t be fully happy and that would eventually drag you down as well. Not to worry though. I haven’t left you high and dry here. As I said in the beginning, everything you do in this process has far-reaching benefits beyond simply trying a relationship with your guy friend. This is why it is so important to leave your options open. If things don’t work out with him, you’ve still got plenty of opportunities to make something work with someone else. 69

All this time you should have been leaving yourself open to dates with other men, flirting with them, and leaving the door of possibility open. This ensures that you aren’t emotionally devastated or crushed if your friend really doesn’t have feelings for you. By now, you’ve seen that there are plenty of good men out there. There’s a whole world of men who are attracted to your updated, confident, and interesting life. You’ve polished yourself into a high quality woman who men love to be around. They want to flirt with you. They want to take you out. They love your confidence and what you bring to the table. Your energy is addictive to them. And who knows, maybe you meet a better guy along the way. When I say “better” I mean more compatible. Even if you’ve got your heart set on your friend, if you’re not compatible then you’re simply not compatible. You might meet someone who is single, attracted to you, interested, and already sees how great you are. There’s no more work to be done. But you have to leave yourself open to that possibility. You can’t put blinders on and make your guy friend your whole world. When you allow yourself to live your life to the fullest and keep a wider view, it’s a win-win for you. You know that you’ve done your best and you’ll be the happier for it. Whether your guy friend made the move or you found someone else, you’ve skyrocketed your life and happiness to a much better place. Now get out there and enjoy it! 70