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Filipino "Amor Propio " “Amor propio” is Spanish word which means self –love; a sense of self-esteem or self respect that prevents a person from swallowing his pride. It includes sensitivity to personal insult or affront. A slight remark or offensive gesture, though insulting, would not trigger a sense of “amor propio”. The stimulus that sets it off is only that which strikes at the Filipino’s most highly valued attributes. For example, an abandoned wife will refuse to seek financial from a husband who has abandoned her no matter how financially destitute she is on this principle. Amor propio in short means ego defensiveness, dignity or one’s personal pride akin to the traditional oriental attitude of having ‘face’. In Philippine society, building up one’s self-esteem is essential, and to this endamor propio in all respect reinforces the Filipino trait “hiya”. To damage another person’s amor-propio is to invite conflict, even violence; aFilipino is prevented by “hiya” from placing a person’s self-esteem in jeopardy For example, a bride who stoods up a groom in the altar places the latter’s “amor propio” at risk and could lead to a conflict between the families of both. A person whose breach of conduct, such as the bride in the above example, is deemed to have lost him self-esteem or “amor-propio” may receive the judgment: ‘Basang basa ang papel niyan sa amin’. (’His public image is shattered with us.’) A literal translation makes reference to one’s ‘paper’ being ‘wet’, allusions to ‘image’ being presented before the public being ‘all wet’. Her act is said to be “nakakahiya” or shameful. Unlike in the West where there is only wrong and right and a person only needs to feel guilty if he is wrong, hiya operates even when the person is absolutely right and the other person wrong. This is because of the Filipinointeraction between “hiya” and “amor propio” . Like for example, a person may hesitate to collect a long overdue financial debt or item borrowed because to raise the matter face to face may place a person’s amor-propio at risk and can cause the latter to flare up. Public confrontation can lead to violence. Filipinos avoiding open confict as matter of amor-propio and honour. Now if you are wondering why a Filipino hesitates to bring up a problem, or point out that “your slip is showing”, or call your attention to an anomalous situation, that it is hiya in operation. Filipinos feel uneasy if they are instrumental in making waves, rocking the boat and exposing someone’s volatile amor-propio to injury. To avoid further confrontation and damage to one’s “amor propio”, the best solution one can resort to is to get a “go between”. Read the importance of a “go between” in the Filipino society click here. OK,
I’ll be the first to it that no one likes their culture being examined too closely – especially when it is being done by a pretty clueless outsider. Americans in particular, get a little peeved when foreigners comment on things that are going on within American society. But, if we are going to come to a better understanding of where and who we are, we have to take a look at what is going on around us. I, for one, find Filipino culture and psychology to be rather fascinating – examining the history and the people that made contemporary society what it is today. And for us foreigners, I think it
is extremely important to look at some of the undercurrents affecting the culture so that we can better understand why Filipinos do the things they do. More importantly, it can help us to avoid some of the mistakes we inevitably make in relating to the interpersonal communication and expectations that occur in Filipino society. God knows I’ve made my share and will – most likely – continue to do so as I blunder along trying to figure out the who, what and why of how things work here. I also don’t want people to think that I am being critical of the culture or that I really even know about what I am talking about. (Don’t evah make that mistake!) Most of what follows was collated through printed research, anecdotal reference and my own experiences in country. Some of it might be right – some of it might be wrong. And if I am wrong – or if you have something to add – feel free to leave it in the comment section. All input is appreciated! So with out any further ado, lets take a look at amor propio and the role it takes in Filipino society.
In a previous article, we looked at hiya (shame/embarrassment) and the role that it plays in Filipino culture, specifically that of social communication. In the blog entry, we are going to examine the concept of amor propio, an aspect that complements hiya and adds to the complicated intricacies of Filipino interpersonal relationships.
What it Is Amor propio best translates as “self love.” Although coming from the Spanish, it is actually a concept that predated the Spanish occupation. On the surface, it can be seen as a sense of self worth and/or self respect. In western it can loosely
related to the cultivation and maintenance of ego. Failing to provide proper hospitality, ionlessly accepting criticism, itting wrong, or pointing out that someone has toilet paper on their shoe are all considered violations of amor propio – the first two a violation of self, and the latter being a violation of another persons. Building on what we talked about earlier, such transgressions of self-worth can contribute to hiya – a pronounced sense of shame or embarrassment.
Who Is Affected Amor propio has an effect on nearly every person living within the Philippines. Although it’s not actually discussed openly – younger Filipinos might not even know what it actually is – amor propio is still an integral part of the society and plays a big part in relationships. People will often cite the need to be nonconfrontational in the Philippines when it comes to addressing issues with others. Most assume that this is just a symptom of the “ive” nature of the Filipino people, but it actually stems from the need to not offend another person’s sense of amor propio and bring on a sense of hiya/shame. When Filipinos typically have issues with each other, they will usually resort to an intermediary to mediate the dispute. On a local level, the barnagay (local district) captain often steps into the role of mediator, communicating the grievances and assisting the parties in seeking some sort of resolution to the issue at hand. A recent example of the slurring of the national amor propio, can be seen in the “Twenty Things I Dislike About the Philippines” video done by Jimmy Sieczka. Jimmy’s expletive-laden tirade garnered the attention of the Philippine consciousness and ultimately led to him being declared persona non grata by the Cebu city council. He later went on to apologize and explain himself, but the damage had already been done. And although You Tube has pulled down the video, you still might be able to see it here: http://www.downvids.net/20-reasons-why-i-dislike-the-philippines-jimmy-sieczka123773.html Note that even though most (if not all) the things he notes are actually true, it still
resulted in him being attacked on all sides. This level of amor propio can even be seen in contemporary libel and slander laws in the Philippines, in which someone can be held civilly culpable for “defamation of character” even if the allegations are completely and objectively true!
Give Filipinos a Way Out When dealing with people, it’s important to keep the concepts of amor propio and hiya in mind. Even if it’s a situation in which you are in the right and the other person is completely wrong, always try to give them a way out. Here’s a few examples: “Sorry, sir – that is out of stock.” Avoid: “What do you mean it’s out of stock – I see it right there!” Instead: “Oh, you probably didn’t notice, but I think what I am looking for is right there…”
Someone cuts in front of you: Avoid: “Hey, jerkface – What, you don’t see me here??” Instead: “Excuse me sir, you probably didn’t see me waiting in the line….”
Negative Effects of Amor Propio Now, with all of this in mind, lets take a look at some of the effects that amor
propio and hiya/shame have on the culture. Responsibility/Blame: Amor propio/hiya can get in the way of folks constructively taking responsibility for their actions. On a personal level, it can take the form of people not apologizing even if they were completely in the wrong or even a tendency to blame others for the offense. Pride is an aspect of amor propio, and an example of it in action is a woman refusing from an ex-husband even though she might desperately need the money. Another, more simplistic example, can be see in someone not wanting to let another person know that they have toilet paper on their shoe – for fear of offending that person’s sense of amor propio and bringing on a sense of shame. Lying: Yes, outright lies. Filipinos are not overly fond of saying “no” and therefore a “yes” you received earlier in the day might not actually pan out. Frustrating? Yes, but simply a part of living here. If a house helper is caught stealing, they will likewise deny all culpability, not just to avoid prosecution but to avoid the shame that would accompany such an ission. Not to long ago, a friend of ours walked out to his truck only to find a few Filipinos trying to steal his battery. He chased them and was able to flag down a police officer which resulted in their instant apprehension. Brought back to the scene of the crime, the would-be battery nappers denied all responsibility for the crime with wide-eyed sincerity. Submission to Authority: This can be most clearly seen by the relationship with the family – specifically the expectations placed upon children by their parents. Abuses occur on this level, as parents know that they make demands without much fear of refusal as this would violate the son or daughters sense of amor propio. Overseas Filipino Workers are a good example of this, and while not all families will abuse the money come back to them, there have been cases of Filipinos or Filipinas working for years overseas and returning to the Republic only to find that all the money he or she has sent over has been frittered away. And with amor propio, there is little room for complaint as to do that would bring on a sense of shame (hiya) for questioning the will and needs of the family. Foreigners in relationships with Filipinas will often find that their partners are under a great deal or pressure to provide financial assistance to their families. Again, this is an
issue of familial expectations and the violation to the partners sense of self esteem (amor propio) that results if those expectations are not met. Even extended family (uncles, cousins, etc.) will pressure the Filipino or Filipina partner, seeing their relationship with a “wealthy” foreigner as a means to provide economic assistance on demand. Lost Debts: You will hear it said that there is no such thing as a personal loan in the Philippines, especially when it comes to the family of your Philippine partner. Instead, “loans” are more accurately called “gifts,” as actually trying to collect on a debt to family or friends can bring on a violation of that person’s amor propio, thus creating shame/hiya. It is a part of the culture here to not confront a person on an owed debt for fear of embarrassing them. Again, keep in mind that Filipinos try not to be confrontational and will do just about everything in their power not to rock the boat – even when it comes to a much-needed repayment of a loan. Abuses occur here as some Filipinos figure that they won’t be asked for the money back. To a foreigner, it is simple dishonesty; to a Filipino, it is just generally par for course…. Narcissism(?): I’m going out on a limb here, but there just might be some sort of relationship between amor propio and Filipino infatuation with taking selfies. A study by Time magazine actually noted that Makati (the financial hub of Manila) is the selfie capital of the world, and it doesn’t take a newcomer long to realize that Filipinos really like taking their own picture. Another studyconducted back in 2006, noted that Filipino men are twice as likely to think they are sexually attractive than other Asian countries that were involved in the study. Coincidence or not, there might be something to the cultivation of ego and self love, narcissism, and the role of amor propio in the Republic of the Philippines.
Violating Amor Propio If a person (or persons) feel as though their ego has been slighted, there are a number of ways that they can respond. Sumpong can result, which causes the offended person to withdraw from the perceived offenders and isolate his or herself away while going through a cooling off period. Tampo can also occur, in which the offended displays their anger through extended “silent treatments” and sulkiness. These two concepts – tampo being a more extreme form of sumpong – are distinctly Filipino and can also be seen across most of southeast Asia. Again, hiya/shame and the need to
avoid direct confrontation are the wellsprings of these two social states. Other, non-violent ways of expressing disdain because of perceived case of violated amor propio also exist. These can take the form of feuding property owners denying road access or cutting water or electric lines. Taken to a more extreme level, violations of amor propio and hiya can become quite violent – and sometimes deadly. Murder, assault, and arson are not uncommon responses to violations of amor propio that are perceived as egregious. Taking it to the national level, collective amor propio can be a very real problem , getting in the way of addressing the very real issues that plague the advancement of the Filipino people, namely that of lagging infrastructure (roads, internet, electrical supply, etc.), local and regional political corruption, difficulties in foreign corporate investiture, and the like.
Conclusion Understanding the concepts of amor propio and hiya can provide some insight into how Filipinos think and communicate. Most of us are familiar with tampo, but it helps to know where those feelings and behavior spring from. And as a foreigner, don’t think that you are being singled out – these things affect just about every person living in the Philippines. So, no – you’re not alone, and you’re not going crazy.
Filipino Traits According to Thank God I'm Filipino (TGIF): 1) The Filipino attitude of bahala na (“come what may”) enables a person to meet difficulties and shortcomings with resignation by leaving it up to the Almighty to sort things out. This attitude can also result in overconfidence that everything will work out in his interest without doing anything. 2) The Filipino’s mañana habit causes the delays in many public transactions and even corporations. This attitude can effect the engagement to wait until tomorrow or the next day especially when the person involve is not interested or not in the mood. However, one must that many Filipinos take their time in doing things or in making decisions. [Source: Thank God I'm Filipino - TGIF, Facebook, October 8, 2010 <^>]
3) The bahala na attitude is the outcome of the mañana habit when the tasks are left undone. This is usually shown and even expressed by people who do not care much of what lies ahead and just leave everything in fate. 4) Some Filipinos do not mostly practice being late or not showing up. There are few people who are punctual for social meetings. In fact, it is not expected of them to arrive exactly on time especially at a party. It is advised that you always check with the host or hostess the time of you are expected to arrive. <^> 5) Some male Filipinos are proud and arrogant that they will not accept losing face, particularly in the crowd. They don’t like the idea of being defeated or embarrassed. In some cases, losing face or being humiliated is the cause of street brawls, drinking bouts or even killings in the country. 6) The Filipino hiya or shame trait stems from losing amor propio which is a Spanish word, meaning pride. Filipinos find it difficult to confront someone so as not to humiliate the person or cause person to lose his amor propio. <^> Some Positive Traits of Filipinos: 1) Say Opo/ Po To elders as respect in talking. 2) Filipinos Mano on the elders when greeting them, which is also a part of respect. 3) Most Filipino schools dont bully, not like in other foreign countries. 4) We believe in only one God, which is God (Most of us are Catholics) 5) We always pray, before going to eat, going to bed...etc. 6) We love to laugh. 7) Some are helpful. 8) There's no such thing as nerds here in us, and we don’t tease smart people. 9) We are friendly. 10) In the old days, if a boy wants a girl, the boy should speak to the parents first, and do everything just to accept him and to marry the girl.(that was in the OLD days). 11) The father is not the only bread winner of the family, also their children.- Most of us don’t care if your ugly or beautiful, it all depends on the personality. <^> Some Negative Traits of Filipinos: 1) Some give birth at an early age ...16. 2) Some just don’t mind their own business. 3) Have many bad habits, like drinking, smoking....etc.- 4) Some poor teenagers sell their bodies just to have money (prostitutes). 5) Most Filipinos have sad/dramatic lives. 6) There are many broken families. 7) There are a lot of holduppers, kidnappers, rapers, robbers and others which we really cannot avoid. 8) Almost all Filipino Presidents corrupt out country. 9) A lot of Bad words to choose from which Filipinos just cant avoid saying those. 10) A lot of Filipinos are hard workers.( Same as students) 11) We tend to be with our friends most of the time than to be with our parents. <^>
Transcript of Amor Propio Filipinos are sensitive to attacks on their own self-esteem and cultivate a sensitivity to the self-esteem of others as well. Anything that might hurt another’s self-esteem is to be avoided or else one risks terminating the relationship. Ang "amor propio" ay pagmamahal sa sarili.. Hindi masamang mahalin ang sarili ngunit hindi wasto kung labis at nakasasama na rin.. Ang taong may amor propio ay may mataas na pagpapahalaga sa sarili, kaya hindi siya mapagkumbaba...
Amor Propio “Amor propio” is Spanish word which means self –love; a sense of self-esteem or self respect that prevents a person from swallowing his pride. It includes sensitivity to personal insult or affront. A slight remark or offensive gesture, though insulting, would not trigger a sense of “amor propio”. Example: An abandoned wife will refuse to seek financial from a husband who has abandoned her no matter how financially destitute she is on this principle. Amor propio in short means ego defensiveness, dignity or one’s personal pride akin to the traditional oriental
attitude of having ‘face’ A person may hesitate to collect a long overdue financial debt or item borrowed because to raise the matter face to face may place a person’s amor-propio at risk and can cause the latter to flare up. Public confrontation can lead to violence. Filipinos avoiding open confict as matter of amor-propio and honour. Amor Propio Amor Propio
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The Heart of Filipino Problems - Amor Propio You know, I've always been blabbering about how much I hate Filipino habits, I do Filipino Bashing (see my older blog posts), blah blah, and all that. I've been doing it while trying to put my finger on why is it like that? Why are Filipinos like that? What's the source of the problem?
Later on, while looking at a nursing reference in my research paper writing job, I saw something I had read about, but didn't know was embodied in a term - amor propio. This is usually defined as self-esteem, self-image, selfrespect and other similar concepts, but it can also mean the bad side - self-pride, self-propagation, saving face. Meaning, public image is all that matters. I for one see amor propio as translated to: amor=love; propio=pride. This would mean for me “love of pride.” It's public reputation – saving face, again. The reference I was looking through, Transcultural Communication in Nursing by Cora Munoz, defined Amor Propio as "personal pride, saving face and avoiding hiya (shame)." The meaning of amor propio in action here is
avoiding shame from disrespecting an older person or elder by just avoiding confrontation and just submitting to whatever the elder says. But by this example itself, it already reveals a problem with amor propio. What kind of problem? Number one, personal pride, saving is the reason for avoiding confrontation. Pride is often cited as the root of all sin, and here, the source of amor propio is personal pride. It for me would indicate that most of the Filipino's social traditions have been based on the wrong attitude. Amor propio is not necessarily all that bad when what you're talking about is the self-image and self-respect that one should have. But when you talk about personal pride, that's different isn't it? For me, a Christian is supposed to be humble and not concerned with personal pride. So amor propio I believe does not exist in its fullest form in a true Christian. In the case of the Munoz book's example, I would think that avoiding confrontation is the wrong thing to do here. The younger person could still suggest that the older person is wrong in something, but in a respectful way. Pointing out someone else's errors per se is not a prideful or wrong act. There are certainly respectful ways of criticizing. Unfortunately, Filipino culture considers pointing out an error an insult to someone (because of that someone's personal pride), and thus a person who wants things to be right will have to be very brave to point out someone's error. This is preventing improvement and positive change in our society. That would certainly be personal pride in the case of the person being told the error. Even if he is elder, he should accept he is wrong. So personal pride and the amor propio that stems from it has to go. A related concept is hiya (shame). Because the Filipino has amor propio, he or she always wants to look good. At least Filipinos know what a boastful pig is. The Filipino is afraid of being identified as a boastful pig, for if he is, then he can be ashamed. Filipinos generally do not like being identified as someone immoral. Unfortunately, Hiya also has a self-esteem-destroying function. When a person has a unique skill or talent, and likes to show it to the world, other Filipinos will beat down on that person. They will say, “how dare you say you are different! Aren't you ashamed?” Filipino culture has a trait wherein there is an insane insistence in people to be the same (also defined as an insane insistence to see eye to eye). In fact, praise for someone's individual talent that is different from others is a value that comes from abroad. Filipinos insist on sameness. Differences, even good one, are sadly not appreciated. Sameness is considered a value, difference is considered a sin. Also, people who have a special trait or different skill that can be useful tend to shy away from using it – they have too much “hiya” to attract attention with it. Still, not a good trait. The hiya of Filipinos is also used in another wrong way – the fear of losing face. Losing face is probably one of the greatest fears of the Filipino. And often, it has no relation to the true moral condition of the person. For example, even if the "face" of the Filipino is as immoral a reputation as "womanizer of the town," the Filipino will still try to save it. Why? Because being a womanizer contributes to his public image as someone strong or desirable to women. That is more important to him than becoming morally upright. Even is he becomes corrupt in an effort to save his face, he doesn't care. All that matters is the face. Here for me is the heart of Filipino problems. Concern for saving face, amor propio, and the hiya, should be eliminated. Even hiya? Yes, I've heard many intellectuals say that the hiya of Filipinos is detrimental. Instead, they should be bold enough to make a difference (and be different!). We Filipinos should get the personal pride kind of amor propio out of our system. It is causing Filipino people to value nonmoral things more than moral things. It makes them value looking good rather than being good, and thus the morality of Filipinos in their daily lives suffers. Wait... if you read the book my Munoz I mentioned above, you would get my message... for Filipinos to improve, they must get rid of attitudes and trait that actually define them as Filipino! Shocking isn't it? Yep, we have to accept, what makes us “Filipino” are the things are the things that are causing problems for us. But I've been told that these traits have been impressed on us by the Spaniards in the old days, in order to control us (yes, read your history, Filipinos!). To prevent us from getting intelligent and revolting, we were given values that prevented us from using our “coconut shells” and banding together, and improving ourselves. Just look at the word itself, amor
proprio – it's a Spanish word! This for me is a message, fellow Filipinos. We've wallowed too long in antiquated, 16th century Spanish values. This is the 21st century! It's time to modernize our thinking and our cultural values.
Posted by Carlos Fernandez at 12:52 AM Labels: amor propio, cora munoz, hiya, pride, Transcultural Communication in Nursing
6 comments: 1.
Anonymous4:04 PM, December 08, 2009 Nice one :)
Reply Replies 1. Anonymous1:06 AM, July 26, 2016 No, amor-propio was a huge part of the culture before Spanish occupation. The Spaniards just gave the trait a name. Same with hiya.
2. Carlos Fernandez1:37 AM, July 28, 2016 I agree with amor propio having existed before Spanish occupation. Bloated egos have existed for as long humanity has been around.
Reply 2. Anonymous4:37 AM, April 21, 2010 I disagree on this. i just read today and finished the book by lualhati bautista: gapô. I wanted to share my insights on these and please do take the time to read, i was just taken aback by what you said here on your blog and its quite an attack on my amor propio as well. well, i think i am 3 years too late on my response. first, the things that make us filipinos, make us unique. Yes, amor propio, pride. you can talk to every filipino problem there is: mañana habits, crab mentality. but the bottomline is this, what a culture tells about a society, does not tell something of a person. Do you tell all englishmen that he has bad teeth? or frenchmen always surrender? or muslims are all terrorists? My friend, that's stereotyping. second, amor propio is something that every filipino has. if not been for this culture, our forefathers, the once called "indios", would not have fought for the sake of their country and their pride. great nameless few, without politics or anything else but that love for something that is pure. love for that freedom. many great writers have wrote about love for country. now, they say it's old hat. probably it's the changing of times. or it's the profound infusion of western culture in our own. probably we did fail fighting off the spaniards and the americans. but probably that's just me. it's my amor propio. my love of pride for my country. anyway, thank you for your time. elly
Special Traits of the Filipino People by Jane Dacumos on July 23, 2013 Photo by Kamoteus (A New Beginning) of flickr.com
A Big Smiles - Filipino as a Family Filipinos have special traits that are beautifully expressed through their everyday dealings with other people. They have inner peace and joy which is rare in the struggling world today. They are devout in their faith and show love to their neighbors. Aside from those, here are some of the special traits of the Filipinos: Being Hospitable Filipinos are one of the most hospitable people you may find anywhere. Foreign visitors in the country are treated with the utmost respect. This trait is usually seen during fiestas and holidays where many Filipinos give their best efforts just to entertain their visitors. It is also amazing to see that even the simplest home along the road opens a home for a stranger. For Filipinos, to be able to serve others gives them honor and a chance of a lifetime of friendship. Amor Propio Many Filipinos believe that they must live up to the accepted standards of behavior and if they fail to do so they bring shame not only upon themselves, but also upon their family. Amor propio is
concern for self image. Filipinos believe that the way they present themselves to others is an important aspect to be accepted in society. Utang na Loob A debt of gratitude (utang na loob) is a cultural Filipino trait of repaying special favors given to them, regardless of the moral outcome. It is considered an important "accommodative surface value," along with hiya (shame) and pakikisama (togetherness). It doesn't even end with the onetime repayment of debt; most of the time, Filipinos consider this debt as something they should repay over and over, even if it takes a lifetime. Hiya Aside from being hospitable, Hiya is one of the many traits that Filipinos possess. Hiya has a great influence on one’s behavior for one will do everything, even if it is beyond his means just to save his reputation as well as the families. It's like the way Filipinos say sorry even if they're not at fault. Delicadeza Delicadeza refers to sensitivity regarding the limits of proper behavior or ethics in a situation. In simple , it is commonly referred to as a sense of propriety or how to behave rightly in all circumstances. It is in essence an etiquette that was ed on to us as a legacy of the Spanish culture. Palabra de Honor Palabra de Honoror word of honor is very important to the Filipinos. They believe that one must keep their word whenever they make a promise and it should not be broken, no matter what. Socializing or Pakikisama Being friendly of the Pinoy is common to all. Initial greetings to a stranger accompanied by a handshake and smile are usual to all Filipinos. Common Filipino greeting includes "Kumusta ka na?" ("How are you?"), "Anong balita?" ("What's new?"), and "Ayos ba tayo 'dyan?" ("Is everything all right?"). These prove that Filipinos are taught to show concern to others. It is our ability to get along with others to maintain good and harmonious relationships. The spirit of Pakikisama reflects that we Filipinos really value personal relations. Being Cooperative The virtue of helping each other and other people is also one of the identities of the Filipinos. We Filipinos love to work as a team and cherish the ancestral trait of Bayanihan and work with others for mutual benefit or for the common good.Filipinos are not individualistic and they prefer working in groups than all alone. Politeness Filipinos are taught to become respectful individuals. Due to the influence of Christianity, it tells us to honor both our parents and our elders. The use of "po" and "opo" when in conversation with an elder is a manifestation of how Filipinos respect their elders.
Flexibility, Adaptability, and Creativity Filipino's sense of joy and humor is evident in their optimistic approach to life and its travails. The ability to laugh at themselves and their predicament is an important coping mechanism that contributes to emotional balance and a capacity to survive. These are manifested in the ability to adjust to often difficult circumstances and prevailing physical and social environments. Filipinos have a high tolerance for ambiguity that enables them to respond calmly to uncertainty or lack of information. Filipinos often improvise and make productive and innovative use of whatever is available. These qualities have been repeatedly demonstrated in their capacity to adapt to living in any part of the world and in their ability to accept change. Rating: VIEW REFERENCES »
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I’ll be the first to it that no one likes their culture being examined too closely – especially when it is being done by a pretty clueless outsider. Americans in particular, get a little peeved when foreigners comment on things that are going on within American society. But, if we are going to come to a better understanding of where and who we are, we have to take a look at what is going on around us. I, for one, find Filipino culture and psychology to be rather fascinating – examining the history and the people that made contemporary society what it is today. And for us foreigners, I think it
is extremely important to look at some of the undercurrents affecting the culture so that we can better understand why Filipinos do the things they do. More importantly, it can help us to avoid some of the mistakes we inevitably make in relating to the interpersonal communication and expectations that occur in Filipino society. God knows I’ve made my share and will – most likely – continue to do so as I blunder along trying to figure out the who, what and why of how things work here. I also don’t want people to think that I am being critical of the culture or that I really even know about what I am talking about. (Don’t evah make that mistake!) Most of what follows was collated through printed research, anecdotal reference and my own experiences in country. Some of it might be right – some of it might be wrong. And if I am wrong – or if you have something to add – feel free to leave it in the comment section. All input is appreciated! So with out any further ado, lets take a look at amor propio and the role it takes in Filipino society.
In a previous article, we looked at hiya (shame/embarrassment) and the role that it plays in Filipino culture, specifically that of social communication. In the blog entry, we are going to examine the concept of amor propio, an aspect that complements hiya and adds to the complicated intricacies of Filipino interpersonal relationships.
What it Is Amor propio best translates as “self love.” Although coming from the Spanish, it is actually a concept that predated the Spanish occupation. On the surface, it can be seen as a sense of self worth and/or self respect. In western it can loosely
related to the cultivation and maintenance of ego. Failing to provide proper hospitality, ionlessly accepting criticism, itting wrong, or pointing out that someone has toilet paper on their shoe are all considered violations of amor propio – the first two a violation of self, and the latter being a violation of another persons. Building on what we talked about earlier, such transgressions of self-worth can contribute to hiya – a pronounced sense of shame or embarrassment.
Who Is Affected Amor propio has an effect on nearly every person living within the Philippines. Although it’s not actually discussed openly – younger Filipinos might not even know what it actually is – amor propio is still an integral part of the society and plays a big part in relationships. People will often cite the need to be nonconfrontational in the Philippines when it comes to addressing issues with others. Most assume that this is just a symptom of the “ive” nature of the Filipino people, but it actually stems from the need to not offend another person’s sense of amor propio and bring on a sense of hiya/shame. When Filipinos typically have issues with each other, they will usually resort to an intermediary to mediate the dispute. On a local level, the barnagay (local district) captain often steps into the role of mediator, communicating the grievances and assisting the parties in seeking some sort of resolution to the issue at hand. A recent example of the slurring of the national amor propio, can be seen in the “Twenty Things I Dislike About the Philippines” video done by Jimmy Sieczka. Jimmy’s expletive-laden tirade garnered the attention of the Philippine consciousness and ultimately led to him being declared persona non grata by the Cebu city council. He later went on to apologize and explain himself, but the damage had already been done. And although You Tube has pulled down the video, you still might be able to see it here: http://www.downvids.net/20-reasons-why-i-dislike-the-philippines-jimmy-sieczka123773.html Note that even though most (if not all) the things he notes are actually true, it still
resulted in him being attacked on all sides. This level of amor propio can even be seen in contemporary libel and slander laws in the Philippines, in which someone can be held civilly culpable for “defamation of character” even if the allegations are completely and objectively true!
Give Filipinos a Way Out When dealing with people, it’s important to keep the concepts of amor propio and hiya in mind. Even if it’s a situation in which you are in the right and the other person is completely wrong, always try to give them a way out. Here’s a few examples: “Sorry, sir – that is out of stock.” Avoid: “What do you mean it’s out of stock – I see it right there!” Instead: “Oh, you probably didn’t notice, but I think what I am looking for is right there…”
Someone cuts in front of you: Avoid: “Hey, jerkface – What, you don’t see me here??” Instead: “Excuse me sir, you probably didn’t see me waiting in the line….”
Negative Effects of Amor Propio Now, with all of this in mind, lets take a look at some of the effects that amor
propio and hiya/shame have on the culture. Responsibility/Blame: Amor propio/hiya can get in the way of folks constructively taking responsibility for their actions. On a personal level, it can take the form of people not apologizing even if they were completely in the wrong or even a tendency to blame others for the offense. Pride is an aspect of amor propio, and an example of it in action is a woman refusing from an ex-husband even though she might desperately need the money. Another, more simplistic example, can be see in someone not wanting to let another person know that they have toilet paper on their shoe – for fear of offending that person’s sense of amor propio and bringing on a sense of shame. Lying: Yes, outright lies. Filipinos are not overly fond of saying “no” and therefore a “yes” you received earlier in the day might not actually pan out. Frustrating? Yes, but simply a part of living here. If a house helper is caught stealing, they will likewise deny all culpability, not just to avoid prosecution but to avoid the shame that would accompany such an ission. Not to long ago, a friend of ours walked out to his truck only to find a few Filipinos trying to steal his battery. He chased them and was able to flag down a police officer which resulted in their instant apprehension. Brought back to the scene of the crime, the would-be battery nappers denied all responsibility for the crime with wide-eyed sincerity. Submission to Authority: This can be most clearly seen by the relationship with the family – specifically the expectations placed upon children by their parents. Abuses occur on this level, as parents know that they make demands without much fear of refusal as this would violate the son or daughters sense of amor propio. Overseas Filipino Workers are a good example of this, and while not all families will abuse the money come back to them, there have been cases of Filipinos or Filipinas working for years overseas and returning to the Republic only to find that all the money he or she has sent over has been frittered away. And with amor propio, there is little room for complaint as to do that would bring on a sense of shame (hiya) for questioning the will and needs of the family. Foreigners in relationships with Filipinas will often find that their partners are under a great deal or pressure to provide financial assistance to their families. Again, this is an
issue of familial expectations and the violation to the partners sense of self esteem (amor propio) that results if those expectations are not met. Even extended family (uncles, cousins, etc.) will pressure the Filipino or Filipina partner, seeing their relationship with a “wealthy” foreigner as a means to provide economic assistance on demand. Lost Debts: You will hear it said that there is no such thing as a personal loan in the Philippines, especially when it comes to the family of your Philippine partner. Instead, “loans” are more accurately called “gifts,” as actually trying to collect on a debt to family or friends can bring on a violation of that person’s amor propio, thus creating shame/hiya. It is a part of the culture here to not confront a person on an owed debt for fear of embarrassing them. Again, keep in mind that Filipinos try not to be confrontational and will do just about everything in their power not to rock the boat – even when it comes to a much-needed repayment of a loan. Abuses occur here as some Filipinos figure that they won’t be asked for the money back. To a foreigner, it is simple dishonesty; to a Filipino, it is just generally par for course…. Narcissism(?): I’m going out on a limb here, but there just might be some sort of relationship between amor propio and Filipino infatuation with taking selfies. A study by Time magazine actually noted that Makati (the financial hub of Manila) is the selfie capital of the world, and it doesn’t take a newcomer long to realize that Filipinos really like taking their own picture. Another studyconducted back in 2006, noted that Filipino men are twice as likely to think they are sexually attractive than other Asian countries that were involved in the study. Coincidence or not, there might be something to the cultivation of ego and self love, narcissism, and the role of amor propio in the Republic of the Philippines.
Violating Amor Propio If a person (or persons) feel as though their ego has been slighted, there are a number of ways that they can respond. Sumpong can result, which causes the offended person to withdraw from the perceived offenders and isolate his or herself away while going through a cooling off period. Tampo can also occur, in which the offended displays their anger through extended “silent treatments” and sulkiness. These two concepts – tampo being a more extreme form of sumpong – are distinctly Filipino and can also be seen across most of southeast Asia. Again, hiya/shame and the need to
avoid direct confrontation are the wellsprings of these two social states. Other, non-violent ways of expressing disdain because of perceived case of violated amor propio also exist. These can take the form of feuding property owners denying road access or cutting water or electric lines. Taken to a more extreme level, violations of amor propio and hiya can become quite violent – and sometimes deadly. Murder, assault, and arson are not uncommon responses to violations of amor propio that are perceived as egregious. Taking it to the national level, collective amor propio can be a very real problem , getting in the way of addressing the very real issues that plague the advancement of the Filipino people, namely that of lagging infrastructure (roads, internet, electrical supply, etc.), local and regional political corruption, difficulties in foreign corporate investiture, and the like.
Conclusion Understanding the concepts of amor propio and hiya can provide some insight into how Filipinos think and communicate. Most of us are familiar with tampo, but it helps to know where those feelings and behavior spring from. And as a foreigner, don’t think that you are being singled out – these things affect just about every person living in the Philippines. So, no – you’re not alone, and you’re not going crazy.
Filipino Traits According to Thank God I'm Filipino (TGIF): 1) The Filipino attitude of bahala na (“come what may”) enables a person to meet difficulties and shortcomings with resignation by leaving it up to the Almighty to sort things out. This attitude can also result in overconfidence that everything will work out in his interest without doing anything. 2) The Filipino’s mañana habit causes the delays in many public transactions and even corporations. This attitude can effect the engagement to wait until tomorrow or the next day especially when the person involve is not interested or not in the mood. However, one must that many Filipinos take their time in doing things or in making decisions. [Source: Thank God I'm Filipino - TGIF, Facebook, October 8, 2010 <^>]
3) The bahala na attitude is the outcome of the mañana habit when the tasks are left undone. This is usually shown and even expressed by people who do not care much of what lies ahead and just leave everything in fate. 4) Some Filipinos do not mostly practice being late or not showing up. There are few people who are punctual for social meetings. In fact, it is not expected of them to arrive exactly on time especially at a party. It is advised that you always check with the host or hostess the time of you are expected to arrive. <^> 5) Some male Filipinos are proud and arrogant that they will not accept losing face, particularly in the crowd. They don’t like the idea of being defeated or embarrassed. In some cases, losing face or being humiliated is the cause of street brawls, drinking bouts or even killings in the country. 6) The Filipino hiya or shame trait stems from losing amor propio which is a Spanish word, meaning pride. Filipinos find it difficult to confront someone so as not to humiliate the person or cause person to lose his amor propio. <^> Some Positive Traits of Filipinos: 1) Say Opo/ Po To elders as respect in talking. 2) Filipinos Mano on the elders when greeting them, which is also a part of respect. 3) Most Filipino schools dont bully, not like in other foreign countries. 4) We believe in only one God, which is God (Most of us are Catholics) 5) We always pray, before going to eat, going to bed...etc. 6) We love to laugh. 7) Some are helpful. 8) There's no such thing as nerds here in us, and we don’t tease smart people. 9) We are friendly. 10) In the old days, if a boy wants a girl, the boy should speak to the parents first, and do everything just to accept him and to marry the girl.(that was in the OLD days). 11) The father is not the only bread winner of the family, also their children.- Most of us don’t care if your ugly or beautiful, it all depends on the personality. <^> Some Negative Traits of Filipinos: 1) Some give birth at an early age ...16. 2) Some just don’t mind their own business. 3) Have many bad habits, like drinking, smoking....etc.- 4) Some poor teenagers sell their bodies just to have money (prostitutes). 5) Most Filipinos have sad/dramatic lives. 6) There are many broken families. 7) There are a lot of holduppers, kidnappers, rapers, robbers and others which we really cannot avoid. 8) Almost all Filipino Presidents corrupt out country. 9) A lot of Bad words to choose from which Filipinos just cant avoid saying those. 10) A lot of Filipinos are hard workers.( Same as students) 11) We tend to be with our friends most of the time than to be with our parents. <^>
Transcript of Amor Propio Filipinos are sensitive to attacks on their own self-esteem and cultivate a sensitivity to the self-esteem of others as well. Anything that might hurt another’s self-esteem is to be avoided or else one risks terminating the relationship. Ang "amor propio" ay pagmamahal sa sarili.. Hindi masamang mahalin ang sarili ngunit hindi wasto kung labis at nakasasama na rin.. Ang taong may amor propio ay may mataas na pagpapahalaga sa sarili, kaya hindi siya mapagkumbaba...
Amor Propio “Amor propio” is Spanish word which means self –love; a sense of self-esteem or self respect that prevents a person from swallowing his pride. It includes sensitivity to personal insult or affront. A slight remark or offensive gesture, though insulting, would not trigger a sense of “amor propio”. Example: An abandoned wife will refuse to seek financial from a husband who has abandoned her no matter how financially destitute she is on this principle. Amor propio in short means ego defensiveness, dignity or one’s personal pride akin to the traditional oriental
attitude of having ‘face’ A person may hesitate to collect a long overdue financial debt or item borrowed because to raise the matter face to face may place a person’s amor-propio at risk and can cause the latter to flare up. Public confrontation can lead to violence. Filipinos avoiding open confict as matter of amor-propio and honour. Amor Propio Amor Propio
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The Heart of Filipino Problems - Amor Propio You know, I've always been blabbering about how much I hate Filipino habits, I do Filipino Bashing (see my older blog posts), blah blah, and all that. I've been doing it while trying to put my finger on why is it like that? Why are Filipinos like that? What's the source of the problem?
Later on, while looking at a nursing reference in my research paper writing job, I saw something I had read about, but didn't know was embodied in a term - amor propio. This is usually defined as self-esteem, self-image, selfrespect and other similar concepts, but it can also mean the bad side - self-pride, self-propagation, saving face. Meaning, public image is all that matters. I for one see amor propio as translated to: amor=love; propio=pride. This would mean for me “love of pride.” It's public reputation – saving face, again. The reference I was looking through, Transcultural Communication in Nursing by Cora Munoz, defined Amor Propio as "personal pride, saving face and avoiding hiya (shame)." The meaning of amor propio in action here is
avoiding shame from disrespecting an older person or elder by just avoiding confrontation and just submitting to whatever the elder says. But by this example itself, it already reveals a problem with amor propio. What kind of problem? Number one, personal pride, saving is the reason for avoiding confrontation. Pride is often cited as the root of all sin, and here, the source of amor propio is personal pride. It for me would indicate that most of the Filipino's social traditions have been based on the wrong attitude. Amor propio is not necessarily all that bad when what you're talking about is the self-image and self-respect that one should have. But when you talk about personal pride, that's different isn't it? For me, a Christian is supposed to be humble and not concerned with personal pride. So amor propio I believe does not exist in its fullest form in a true Christian. In the case of the Munoz book's example, I would think that avoiding confrontation is the wrong thing to do here. The younger person could still suggest that the older person is wrong in something, but in a respectful way. Pointing out someone else's errors per se is not a prideful or wrong act. There are certainly respectful ways of criticizing. Unfortunately, Filipino culture considers pointing out an error an insult to someone (because of that someone's personal pride), and thus a person who wants things to be right will have to be very brave to point out someone's error. This is preventing improvement and positive change in our society. That would certainly be personal pride in the case of the person being told the error. Even if he is elder, he should accept he is wrong. So personal pride and the amor propio that stems from it has to go. A related concept is hiya (shame). Because the Filipino has amor propio, he or she always wants to look good. At least Filipinos know what a boastful pig is. The Filipino is afraid of being identified as a boastful pig, for if he is, then he can be ashamed. Filipinos generally do not like being identified as someone immoral. Unfortunately, Hiya also has a self-esteem-destroying function. When a person has a unique skill or talent, and likes to show it to the world, other Filipinos will beat down on that person. They will say, “how dare you say you are different! Aren't you ashamed?” Filipino culture has a trait wherein there is an insane insistence in people to be the same (also defined as an insane insistence to see eye to eye). In fact, praise for someone's individual talent that is different from others is a value that comes from abroad. Filipinos insist on sameness. Differences, even good one, are sadly not appreciated. Sameness is considered a value, difference is considered a sin. Also, people who have a special trait or different skill that can be useful tend to shy away from using it – they have too much “hiya” to attract attention with it. Still, not a good trait. The hiya of Filipinos is also used in another wrong way – the fear of losing face. Losing face is probably one of the greatest fears of the Filipino. And often, it has no relation to the true moral condition of the person. For example, even if the "face" of the Filipino is as immoral a reputation as "womanizer of the town," the Filipino will still try to save it. Why? Because being a womanizer contributes to his public image as someone strong or desirable to women. That is more important to him than becoming morally upright. Even is he becomes corrupt in an effort to save his face, he doesn't care. All that matters is the face. Here for me is the heart of Filipino problems. Concern for saving face, amor propio, and the hiya, should be eliminated. Even hiya? Yes, I've heard many intellectuals say that the hiya of Filipinos is detrimental. Instead, they should be bold enough to make a difference (and be different!). We Filipinos should get the personal pride kind of amor propio out of our system. It is causing Filipino people to value nonmoral things more than moral things. It makes them value looking good rather than being good, and thus the morality of Filipinos in their daily lives suffers. Wait... if you read the book my Munoz I mentioned above, you would get my message... for Filipinos to improve, they must get rid of attitudes and trait that actually define them as Filipino! Shocking isn't it? Yep, we have to accept, what makes us “Filipino” are the things are the things that are causing problems for us. But I've been told that these traits have been impressed on us by the Spaniards in the old days, in order to control us (yes, read your history, Filipinos!). To prevent us from getting intelligent and revolting, we were given values that prevented us from using our “coconut shells” and banding together, and improving ourselves. Just look at the word itself, amor
proprio – it's a Spanish word! This for me is a message, fellow Filipinos. We've wallowed too long in antiquated, 16th century Spanish values. This is the 21st century! It's time to modernize our thinking and our cultural values.
Posted by Carlos Fernandez at 12:52 AM Labels: amor propio, cora munoz, hiya, pride, Transcultural Communication in Nursing
6 comments: 1.
Anonymous4:04 PM, December 08, 2009 Nice one :)
Reply Replies 1. Anonymous1:06 AM, July 26, 2016 No, amor-propio was a huge part of the culture before Spanish occupation. The Spaniards just gave the trait a name. Same with hiya.
2. Carlos Fernandez1:37 AM, July 28, 2016 I agree with amor propio having existed before Spanish occupation. Bloated egos have existed for as long humanity has been around.
Reply 2. Anonymous4:37 AM, April 21, 2010 I disagree on this. i just read today and finished the book by lualhati bautista: gapô. I wanted to share my insights on these and please do take the time to read, i was just taken aback by what you said here on your blog and its quite an attack on my amor propio as well. well, i think i am 3 years too late on my response. first, the things that make us filipinos, make us unique. Yes, amor propio, pride. you can talk to every filipino problem there is: mañana habits, crab mentality. but the bottomline is this, what a culture tells about a society, does not tell something of a person. Do you tell all englishmen that he has bad teeth? or frenchmen always surrender? or muslims are all terrorists? My friend, that's stereotyping. second, amor propio is something that every filipino has. if not been for this culture, our forefathers, the once called "indios", would not have fought for the sake of their country and their pride. great nameless few, without politics or anything else but that love for something that is pure. love for that freedom. many great writers have wrote about love for country. now, they say it's old hat. probably it's the changing of times. or it's the profound infusion of western culture in our own. probably we did fail fighting off the spaniards and the americans. but probably that's just me. it's my amor propio. my love of pride for my country. anyway, thank you for your time. elly
Special Traits of the Filipino People by Jane Dacumos on July 23, 2013 Photo by Kamoteus (A New Beginning) of flickr.com
A Big Smiles - Filipino as a Family Filipinos have special traits that are beautifully expressed through their everyday dealings with other people. They have inner peace and joy which is rare in the struggling world today. They are devout in their faith and show love to their neighbors. Aside from those, here are some of the special traits of the Filipinos: Being Hospitable Filipinos are one of the most hospitable people you may find anywhere. Foreign visitors in the country are treated with the utmost respect. This trait is usually seen during fiestas and holidays where many Filipinos give their best efforts just to entertain their visitors. It is also amazing to see that even the simplest home along the road opens a home for a stranger. For Filipinos, to be able to serve others gives them honor and a chance of a lifetime of friendship. Amor Propio Many Filipinos believe that they must live up to the accepted standards of behavior and if they fail to do so they bring shame not only upon themselves, but also upon their family. Amor propio is
concern for self image. Filipinos believe that the way they present themselves to others is an important aspect to be accepted in society. Utang na Loob A debt of gratitude (utang na loob) is a cultural Filipino trait of repaying special favors given to them, regardless of the moral outcome. It is considered an important "accommodative surface value," along with hiya (shame) and pakikisama (togetherness). It doesn't even end with the onetime repayment of debt; most of the time, Filipinos consider this debt as something they should repay over and over, even if it takes a lifetime. Hiya Aside from being hospitable, Hiya is one of the many traits that Filipinos possess. Hiya has a great influence on one’s behavior for one will do everything, even if it is beyond his means just to save his reputation as well as the families. It's like the way Filipinos say sorry even if they're not at fault. Delicadeza Delicadeza refers to sensitivity regarding the limits of proper behavior or ethics in a situation. In simple , it is commonly referred to as a sense of propriety or how to behave rightly in all circumstances. It is in essence an etiquette that was ed on to us as a legacy of the Spanish culture. Palabra de Honor Palabra de Honoror word of honor is very important to the Filipinos. They believe that one must keep their word whenever they make a promise and it should not be broken, no matter what. Socializing or Pakikisama Being friendly of the Pinoy is common to all. Initial greetings to a stranger accompanied by a handshake and smile are usual to all Filipinos. Common Filipino greeting includes "Kumusta ka na?" ("How are you?"), "Anong balita?" ("What's new?"), and "Ayos ba tayo 'dyan?" ("Is everything all right?"). These prove that Filipinos are taught to show concern to others. It is our ability to get along with others to maintain good and harmonious relationships. The spirit of Pakikisama reflects that we Filipinos really value personal relations. Being Cooperative The virtue of helping each other and other people is also one of the identities of the Filipinos. We Filipinos love to work as a team and cherish the ancestral trait of Bayanihan and work with others for mutual benefit or for the common good.Filipinos are not individualistic and they prefer working in groups than all alone. Politeness Filipinos are taught to become respectful individuals. Due to the influence of Christianity, it tells us to honor both our parents and our elders. The use of "po" and "opo" when in conversation with an elder is a manifestation of how Filipinos respect their elders.
Flexibility, Adaptability, and Creativity Filipino's sense of joy and humor is evident in their optimistic approach to life and its travails. The ability to laugh at themselves and their predicament is an important coping mechanism that contributes to emotional balance and a capacity to survive. These are manifested in the ability to adjust to often difficult circumstances and prevailing physical and social environments. Filipinos have a high tolerance for ambiguity that enables them to respond calmly to uncertainty or lack of information. Filipinos often improvise and make productive and innovative use of whatever is available. These qualities have been repeatedly demonstrated in their capacity to adapt to living in any part of the world and in their ability to accept change. Rating: VIEW REFERENCES »
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