25 Sexiest Of All Time 5h5319

Evan’s 25 Sexiest Women of All Time

1. Bar Rafaeli This Israeli model is my sure fire #1. She makes Andrew Luck look like a #2. Body, face, and overall sex appeal is so high, that even Snoop can’t hang with her. #1 sexy.

2. Heidi Klum This German super model is what we call a timeless sex symbol. She’s popped more kids out than Antonio Cromartie but yet she still remains on top of the sexy game. She’s so hot that apparently not even Seal could kiss this rose.

3. Raquel Welch

This sultry and bodacious actress from the 60’s starred in One Million Years B.C., and this is one hot mama who could live one million years and still make me go from 6 to midnight.

4. Pamela Anderson With a Brazilian so clean that one could eat sushi off of it, coupled with the hands down best and most famous rack of all time, Pamela stole hearts and kept the beaches safe. I’d fake a drowning just to get my hands on those life preservers.

5. Marilyn Monroe What else is there to say about her. She’s so hot, that even though she’s been dead for over 50 years she still makes grown men cry. The originator of “the mole” with the body to match, this sexy vixen wouldn’t get through Happy Birth---- before me and Jill locked ourselves into a bathroom for 15 mins.

6. Cindy Crawford This was the first person I ever identified with sexy. She puts the mole in guacamole, she puts the mole in holy moly. She is so sexy that Proactiv told her to fake having acne, just so they could increase sales. If I had a mole on my ass for every time I yerked it at 13 to her Playboy issue, my ass would look like Julianne Moore’s (Honorable red head sexy).

7. Anna Nicole Smith You might think ANS stands for Anna Nicole Smith, but it really stands for Amazing Number Seven. Smith is the definition of a body, coupled with a face resembling Ms. Monroe and a brain resembling Lindsay Lohan, this sexy star could touch my Naked Gun any time. Too bad she’s not around cause for this one I’m fully loaded.

8. Cheryl Ladd Brooklyn Decker takes notes, cause this 1970’s Charlies Angel bombshell wears a bikini up there with the best of them. Smile, body, abs, this is one angel Joseph Gordon Levitt wish he saw in the Outfield.

9. Sofia Vergara

Oh how I wish I were little Manny sucking on these Melones. Sofia Vergara has it all, accent, tits, and sex appeal. She is one of the rare ones, where her voice alone could make me Dirk Diggler hard. She could breast feed an army with her latin bazookas. If only I were Jay, instead of smoking jays and thinking of her naked.

10.Brooklyn Decker

She’s only a year older than me, but she has more wisdom in her breasts than Gandolf has underneath his hat. This is by far the best ace Andy Roddick ever had in his life. If one could pause life when she exited the water in Just Go With It, world hunger would have been cured. What I would do to be reincarnated as that orange/gold bikini.

11.Bo Derek From Tarzan to Tommy Boy, Bo Derek has stayed a 10 her whole life. Tall, with perky tittays, and a body so in shape she makes Cathy Smith world famous trainer (honorable sexy) look fat, this actress has been exploding shorts for a long time. What I would pay for her to be in charge of my auto parts.

12.Selma Hayek Selma Hayek is so hot, you could put a unibrow, mustache, or fuckin berka on this hot mama and she still would get the plums flowin. Accent, body, and smoothness of skin put her high up on the list. I’d pay good money to have her talk me to bed, fuck it she could read El Cid to me and I’d still get chubby.

13.Jenny McCarthy Let’s take time to Single Out this hotty. Jenny McCarthy could play with my BASEketballs anyday. Unfortunately for us, this hotty has the Pet Detective all up in her, but that doesn’t stop me from dreaming about her sitting….on my face.

14.J Lo Romp a bump bump. J Lo is a timeless piece of ass…literally. With one of the most gorgeous bottoms, faces, and bodies in the business, she could wake me up from any siesta to torment me in the bedroom. Marc Antony is somewhere in South America slitting his wrists right now, or quietly jerking to her Jennie from the Block video.

15.Julia Roberts She’s so pretty that she is sexy. How could a face like this and a talent like hers not make the top 25, not to mention the fact that she is damn sexy. Don’t believe me, go rewatch Hook and see her as Tinkerbell. Even as a miniature fairy, this is one AAWILTF (Academy Award Winner I’d Like to Fuck)

16.Ursula Andress This Swiss actress is a classic. Starring in the bond movie Dr. No, this bombshell has been breaking hearts since the 60’s, even with lots of grass on the field. She was Bond’s first object of desire, and how could you blame him, the only time you will hear me say No and her name, is “No don’t come in I’m not finished.”

17.Adriana Lima The only reason this Victoria’s Secret Angel with her delicious Lima Beans drops so far down is because she is so knew. Give her a few years and she will be topping lists of sexy like Kony tops lists of Most Wanted. This Brazilian goddess is so hot, that they are renaming the Brazilian Wax the Lima.

18.Kate Beckinsale Oh what I would do to get 5 mins in this sexy mama’s Underworld. I would consider turning Wearwolf just to have this sexy actress slay me all night. If I were Adam Sandler in Click the only thing I would be clicking would be her little pink friend.

19.Mila Kunis She puts the Kunis in Cunnilingus. This 70’s show star can be my friend with benefits any day. Forget Sarah Marshall, this brunette vixen could make me do anything to get my punis in her Kunis.

20.Catherine Zeta Jones She cut a Z into my heart from the early days. Zeta is a Zinger and boy what I would do to get in between Catherine Jones. She is simply beautiful, and it makes me furious that Michael Douglas’ old balls are all up in this latin goddess. Michael Douglas’ Balls 1- My Balls 0.

21.Alessandra Ambrosio Hi, I’m Alessandra Ambrosio, I’m so hot that my farts smell like cologne, I’m so sexy that I was pregnant at this year’s Victoria Secret Show and every girl still got a lady boner looking at my body. Yes Ms. Ambrosio, I still cannot figure out how you have had two children, you are so sexy that your own vagina has anger problems with the rest of your body. Please never change.

22.Denise Richards This Wild Thing is a sure fire first ballot H. O. M. (Hall of Milfs). Denise’s sex scene in Wild Things was the first time my eyes ever saw girl on girl, and I actually contemplated switching to a vagina just to get me some of this sexy beauty. Charlie Sheen is #winning because he got to get up in this fine sexy mama. Denise you are glorious.

23.Gabrielle Union I bet you didn’t know that Gabrielle is 40…yep that’s right 40. She looks 25 and boy is she sexy. From her days in Bad Boys, I have been praying for years to get me some of this brown sugarrrrrr and have her spank me calling her her “bad boy”. The only union I want to make with her is the union between P and V.

24.Hope Dworacyzk Many of you don’t know this 2010 Playmate of the Year, but I indeed do. I have seen her in real life and she lives up to this ranking for sure. The only thing I hope to do besides being able to pronounce and spell her last name, is to be more up in her than the Heff after taking 3 viagra. This brunette will climb rankings for years to come.

25.Chrsitina Hendricks Thank God to Shaun for pointing this bodacious vixen out to me. There is no way to end my 25 sexiest without a woman who completely embraces and is my idea of sexy. Tits. Tits are the way to a man’s heart when you cannot cook, and boy does Christina have them. Coupled with her red hair, I don’t care how much of a fire crotch she has, she would make Mad Men out of us all if we got one night with her.